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Old 09-15-2000, 08:56 AM  
wutamess wutamess is offline
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WHITLOCK GRATEFUL, RELIEVED TO HAVE BOWEL MOVEMENT.

Kansas City Star sports reporter Jason Whitlock announced today that he, "thanked his lucky stars" that the four pounds of brisket he consumed at Gates barbecue had "finally found the exit ramp." An enthusiastic patron of Gates, Whitlock stated that he, "just sort of blacked out after the first three orders, and I guess it just turned into a frenzy after that." Counter worker Letitia Williams said she feared for Whitlock's safety. "He was sweating like a pack mule - and I thought he'd lose a finger. There was so much sauce on the floor, it looked like O.J.'s driveway." Ollie Gates requested the gigantic bolus for display at the restaurant as a tribute to Whitlocks patronage. But Whitlock said that he had already "sent that rascal packing" with the help of hazardous waste crews and Army engineers. Asked if he had learned anything from the experience, Whitlock said, " I never thought a man could crush a toilet bowl with his bare hands."
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Old 09-15-2000, 09:14 AM   #2
Duck Dog Duck Dog is offline
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What a joke
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Old 09-15-2000, 09:22 AM   #3
wutamess wutamess is offline
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Phew... my side hurts. Gosh I sure hope he is OK. Pam, I hope I didn't offend you. My girlfriend has to remind herself that there IS charm lurking within me somewhere, everyday she wakes up.
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Old 09-15-2000, 09:32 AM   #4
Duck Dog Duck Dog is offline
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NO you did not offend me in the least. I was just thinking about twitlock and how much of a joke he is.
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Old 09-15-2000, 09:40 AM   #5
Gracie Dean Gracie Dean is offline
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That is some seriously good writing. It reminds me of the articles on "The Onion."

"finally found the exit ramp" LOL
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Old 09-15-2000, 09:42 AM   #6
Clint in Wichita Clint in Wichita is offline
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This one is pretty good too....

Craig Mariconi (C_Mac), 09/14/00 10:34 pm (reply 11 of 22)
JIMMY RAYE FOUND GUILTY OF THROWING FOOTBALL GAMES
(AP Wire)
After being tipped of by 9 year old "pee wee leaguer" Codie Goldizen, Jimmy Raye was arrested at Arrowhead stadium for what authorities have called "1st degree...bad play calling" stated FBI arresting Officer John E.Proctor.
"I never thought I'd get caught" stated Jimmy Raye. Arresting partner, Officer Denise, stated that after Jimmy Raye had admitted to his crime, he asked surprisingly "was I really that obvious?"
Raye's attorney scoffed at accusations that the charges should be 3rd degree instead of 1st.."Are you kidding? Have you watched the last 2 games?, do you think anyone could have pre-plan a game plan that bad?"
Circuit Judge Gonzo placed Jimmy Rayes bond at $5.00 stating "If you skip bond or flee the state and dont show up for the court hearing...well we'll only be out 5 bucks".
When asked if he had anything to say to all the dissapointed loyal Chiefs fans, he simply stated "run it...just run it baby"
Raye could face up to 10 years in a stale gym locker with a maximum penalty of being forced to
read the top 10 list of "Why pass the football on 3rd an 16"...every day.


Hey Chiefs fans ,just having fun...maybe you could complete the top 10 list for me, and Ill post it as a topic later!
C_Mac

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Old 09-15-2000, 09:43 AM   #7
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ROTFLMAO

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Old 09-15-2000, 09:46 AM   #8
mmlwt mmlwt is offline
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Whitless couldn't have a bowel movement and still be around!

He is so full of crap that if a bm did occur there would be nothing left but shoes and a hat!

------------------
Nuc'em all and let those who remain sort them out!
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Old 09-15-2000, 09:54 AM   #9
DaKCMan AP DaKCMan AP is offline
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In a further development it was also announced that Whitlock was born breeched, which really didn't surprise anyone because of the way he has been talking out his *** for years. Just for information, breeching should not be confused with breaching, the first is being born butt first while the second is when a whale jumps out of the water, in this case we could see how this could be very confusing.
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Old 09-15-2000, 09:57 AM   #10
Duck Dog Duck Dog is offline
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You guys crack me up!!! It is a great friday.
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