Funny article on Jose Lima

[Reaper16]

The Brushback.com

Jose Lima Promises Sick Child He’ll Give Up Home Run For Him

KANSAS CITY , MO--Jose Lima may be a lousy pitcher, but he’s a hero to a certain 12-year-old at Kansas City Children’s Hospital. Two days ago Lima made a promise to young Timmy Morris, a promise that he intends to keep. During his next start, Lima will give up a home run, and he’ll dedicate to the young boy who changed his life.

“Meeting Timmy has changed my whole perspective on life,” said Lima , who is 1-5 with a 7.47 ERA this season. “He’s such a courageous little guy. The fact that he has that weird condition that makes him talk funny and he’s still so happy and upbeat is an inspiration to me. It makes me feel a lot better about my struggles this season. Having a lousy won-loss record is nothing compared to looking and sounding like a total freak.”

Lima has been visiting Morris every weekend since the beginning of the season. His weekly visits are a welcome respite from the pressures of playing on a major league baseball team. Last Saturday, Timmy asked his hero for a favor.

“Jose,” he began. “You seem to let up a lot of home runs. I mean, a lot of home runs. So I was wondering—could you give one up for me? Could you give up a home run for your pal Timmy?”

“That touched me deeply,” Lima recalled. “The fact that this kid looked up to me so much that he would ask me to serve up a gopher ball for him—it just…it just…I’m sorry, this is hard for me. What makes it even harder is that I suck that bad. Man, I must really, really suck bad if a kid is asking me something like that.”

Nonetheless, Lima promised to do his best next time he takes the mound.

“When I’m out there I’ll be thinking of Timmy, that’s for sure,” he said. “I’ll be thinking of his cute yet slightly disturbing face looking up to me and asking me to give up a home run for him. Not that I really have to think of him. I could think of a goddamn Vietnamese hooker and still give up a home run. It’s not that hard for me. But when I do give it up, probably in the first inning or so, I’ll be thinking of my friend, Timmy. And I’ll be thinking of finding a new line of work.”

Despite Lima ’s problems on the mound this year, he remains Morris’s favorite player. His room is decorated with posters of his hero, a fact that puzzles some of the hospital staff.

“He really loves that guy,” said Sam Marks, 28, an orderly at the hospital. “It’s nice and everything but to me it’s kind of weird. You’d think he would be infatuated with someone like Mike Sweeney. You know, a guy who can actually play. But no, Jose is his man. I guess that just proves what I’ve thought since the first time I met him: the kid is a ****ing idiot.”

A nurse, however, described their relationship as “sweet” and said it’s based on Lima ’s kindness and generosity rather than what he accomplishes on the field.

“Little kids don’t care about your ERA or your record,” said Amanda Paulson, 21. “They just care if you come and pay attention to them and spend time with them. Jose has been so sweet to Timmy. It doesn’t surprise me at all that the two are close. I think it’s wonderful. I wish more ballplayers were as nice as Jose. And how bad can the guy be on the field anyway? He’s what? 1-7 with a 7.47 ERA? Oh my God, that’s horrible. No wonder why he’s so humble.”

Lima ’s manager, Buddy Bell, admires his pitcher’s kindness and generosity toward Timmy but wishes he made a different promise.

Oh great. That’s all Jose needs is another excuse to give up a home run,” said Bell , who replaced Tony Pena early in the season. “It’s great that he visits that kid every weekend, and we do encourage that sort of thing but I think he went a little too far in promising to let up a home run. Then again, what does it really matter? He’s going to give them up anyway so he might as well make some little kid happy in the process. In fact, he should visit every kid in that hospital and promise every damn one of them he’ll let up a home run for him. He won’t let him down. He could even call his shot like Babe Ruth. Wouldn’t that be exciting?”
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Funny stuff.

[tk13]

He's lined up to pitch in Colorado this weekend. Someone needs to find the record for most home runs given up in a game. I don't even want to imagine Lima Time at altitude....

[chagrin]

That is classic!!

[Reaper16]

The fact that he has that weird condition that makes him talk funny and he’s still so happy and upbeat is an inspiration to me. It makes me feel a lot better about my struggles this season. Having a lousy won-loss record is nothing compared to looking and sounding like a total freak.

For those who enjoy race humor, this statement is deliciously ironic.

[chagrin]

Considering Lima Time talks like a complete fool...

[DanT]

[CHIEF4EVER]

Wait a minute. How many kids did he promise to give up a run for? Just the day before yesterday he pitched 4 innings, gave up 10 hits and 7 runs.

[Coach]

That's touching....


Now cut him.

[mikey23545]

[Reaper16]

Oh, noes! It's a Bump!

[KCFalcon59]

Originally Posted by Coach

That's touching....


Now cut him.