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Old 09-25-2005, 09:00 AM  
Frankie Frankie is offline
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Clean jokes can be funny too!

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
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Old 10-14-2005, 12:39 PM   #136
Frankie Frankie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joesomebody
What did Sam Houston's wife say to her lawyer during her divorce?

Remember the Alimo-ny!
That one sounds a little home-made.
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Old 10-14-2005, 12:42 PM   #137
Frankie Frankie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Otter
Me and Iowanian are out walking around hunting when we come across a sheep with his head caught in a fence. I run up, pull down my pants and screw the sheep.

When I'm done I look over at Iowanian and say "your turn".

Next thing I know Iowanian throws down his gun, runs up, pulls down his pants and sticks his head in the fence.
Funny, but shoulda been posted in the "Friday goof off" thread not in the "CLEAN" jokes thread.
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Old 10-14-2005, 12:48 PM   #138
SNR SNR is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Otter
Me and Iowanian are out walking around hunting when we come across a sheep with his head caught in a fence. I run up, pull down my pants and screw the sheep.

When I'm done I look over at Iowanian and say "your turn".

Next thing I know Iowanian throws down his gun, runs up, pulls down his pants and sticks his head in the fence.
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Quote:
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I would read an entire blog of SNR breaking down athletes' musical capabilities like draft scouting reports.
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SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.SNR is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 10-14-2005, 12:55 PM   #139
joesomebody joesomebody is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankie
That one sounds a little home-made.
I'm sure I didn't word it exactly how it was, but a history professor I had was full of crap like these... for some reason this is the only one I remember though.
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Old 10-14-2005, 12:56 PM   #140
joesomebody joesomebody is offline
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If women with large breasts work at hooters, where do women with one leg work?








IHOP!
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Old 10-14-2005, 01:05 PM   #141
sedated sedated is offline
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Two muffins are baking in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "It's getting hot in here."

The other muffins turns to the first muffin and says, "Holy hell...a talking muffin!"
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sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.sedated Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 10-14-2005, 01:07 PM   #142
Hydrae Hydrae is online now
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Did you hear about the acron that fell asleep one day and when he woke up said, geometry! (Gee, Ah'm a tree).


(Sorry, Joe mentioning bad jokes by a teacher made me remember this from my Algebra 2 teacher.)
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Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.Hydrae would the whole thing.
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Old 10-14-2005, 01:08 PM   #143
Cochise Cochise is offline
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Q: What picks its nose, eats toejam, and has skidmarks in its underwear?

A: milehighfan
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Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.Cochise 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.
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Old 10-14-2005, 01:09 PM   #144
Lzen Lzen is offline
Who is John Galt?
 
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White Trash Survival Kit



Toilet Paper...........................................................check

Bud Light..............................................................check

Keystone Ice...........................................................check

Budweiser..............................................................check

Red Dog................................................................check

Misc. other bottles of alcohol.........................................check

Piece of plywood to float your chick and booze on......................check
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File Type: bmp whitetrashsurvival.bmp (432.9 KB, 386 views)
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I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
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Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 10-14-2005, 01:10 PM
sedated
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Old 10-14-2005, 01:24 PM   #145
Lzen Lzen is offline
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How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog
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I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
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Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 10-14-2005, 02:01 PM   #146
Marcellus Marcellus is offline
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What's the difference between Invesco Field at Mile High and a Hoover vaccum cleaner?



You can only fit one dirtbag in a Hoover.
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Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Marcellus has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.
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Old 10-17-2005, 09:14 AM   #147
C-Mac C-Mac is offline
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Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep.

All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe
standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he
asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and
you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog
or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is
too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around
with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken housen, really nicely
feathered.

But for some reason he felt like his rear end was gonna explode.

Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told
me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need
to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all
you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!"

So he clucked again and squeezed.

And you better believe it, there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You've crapped in the bed.....!!!
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Old 10-17-2005, 01:45 PM   #148
greg63 greg63 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lzen
How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way...
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greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.greg63 has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.
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Old 10-17-2005, 01:58 PM   #149
Lzen Lzen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcellus
What's the difference between Invesco Field at Mile High and a Hoover vaccum cleaner?



You can only fit one dirtbag in a Hoover.
I heard that joke a little differently. It goes like this:

What's the difference between a biker and a Hoover vaccuum cleaner?

The position of the dirt bag.
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I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
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Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 10-19-2005, 12:12 PM   #150
Frankie Frankie is offline
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A woman's car breaks down on the highway, so she eases over on to the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the hood.

Out of the back seat jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle. They stand facing on-coming traffic, open their coats and expose themselves to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, a traffic tie-up occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop.

"Oh, I HAVE read auto safety books, you know." replies the blonde "These are my emergency flashers!"
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Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.Frankie is too fat/Omaha.
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