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Old 12-10-2005, 07:26 AM  
4th and Long 4th and Long is offline
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Memo: Planet Christmas Party

December 1st TO: ALL PLANET MEMBERS

I'm happy to inform you that The Planet Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along. Don't be surprised if Phobia shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among Planet Members can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $20.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

4th and Long - Planet Human Resources Director
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December 2nd TO: ALL PLANET MEMBERS

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish members. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to all Planet Members who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

4th and Long - Planet Human Resources Director
----------------------------------------------------------------------
December 3rd TO: ALL PLANET MEMBERS

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, please disregard the previous memo about the gifts exchange. No gifts will be allowed since the Union members feel that $20 is too much money.

4th and Long - Planet Human Researchers Director
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December 7th TO: ALL PLANET MEMBERS

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men. Each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.

Happy now?

4th and Long - Planet Human Racehorses Director
--------------------------------------------------------------------
December 8th TO: ALL PLANET MEMBERS

People, people, - nothing sinister was intended by wanting Phil to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

4th and Long - Planet Human Ratraces Director
----------------------------------------------------------------------
December 9th TO: ALL PLANET MEMBERS

Vegetarians!!! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not!!! You can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get the salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now. Ha!!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday!!!
Drive drunk and die!!! Do you hear me!!!?

The Asshole in Charge of the Party
-------------------------------------------------------------------
December 10th TO: ALL PLANET MEMBERS

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing 4th and Long a speedy recovery from his stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to him at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party and give everyone 1000 points of rep instead.

- htismaqe

Last edited by 4th and Long; 12-10-2005 at 07:33 AM..
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Old 12-10-2005, 07:40 AM   #2
carlos3652 carlos3652 is offline
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Old 12-10-2005, 07:48 AM   #3
Extra Point Extra Point is offline
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A good twist on the office holiday party memos.

Happy Holidays to you all.

Sorry not to have celebrated a sober Ramadan.
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Old 12-10-2005, 07:53 AM   #4
Over-Head Over-Head is offline
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Old 12-10-2005, 08:25 AM   #5
chiefqueen chiefqueen is offline
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You're behind the times.......I was sent that joke last year. Negative rep to you.
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Old 12-10-2005, 08:28 AM   #6
4th and Long 4th and Long is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiefqueen
You're behind the times.......I was sent that joke last year. Negative rep to you.
I hate to tell you that you're wrog but I'd bet $100 that the joke that was sent to you was not the same as this one. It did not include the words, "PLANET MEMBERS," "Phobia," "Phil," or "4th and Long." Neg rep back atcha for the Grinch-like attitude.
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4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 12-10-2005, 08:31 AM   #7
Over-Head Over-Head is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4th and Long
I hate to tell you that you're wrog but I'd bet $100 that the joke that was sent to you was not the same as this one. It did not include the words, "PLANET MEMBERS," "Phobia," "Phil," or "4th and Long." Neg rep back atcha for the Grinch-like attitude.

YEAH! What he said!

(...pst, 4th buddy, fix the spelling . It's wroNg not wrog, )
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Old 12-10-2005, 08:31 AM   #8
FloridaChief FloridaChief is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4th and Long
I hate to tell you that you're wrog but I'd bet $100 that the joke that was sent to you was not the same as this one. It did not include the words, "PLANET MEMBERS," "Phobia," "Phil," or "4th and Long." Neg rep back atcha for the Grinch-like attitude.
Tranquilo, brother. Don't fly off the handle, OK?...
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Old 12-10-2005, 08:32 AM   #9
4th and Long 4th and Long is offline
Wherefore art thou, Romeo
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FloridaChief
Tranquilo, brother. Don't fly off the handle, OK?...
Look who suddenly became my voice of reason?

pssttt ... I didn't really neg rep her. I'm better than that.
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4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 12-10-2005, 08:42 AM   #10
FloridaChief FloridaChief is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4th and Long
Look who suddenly became my voice of reason?
Uh, huh...May I offer you a Wellbutrin, sir?....
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Old 12-10-2005, 09:05 AM   #11
morphius morphius is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Over-Head
YEAH! What he said!

(...pst, 4th buddy, fix the spelling . It's wroNg not wrog, )
Holy hell! OH correcting someone's spelling!?!

The end times are near!
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Old 12-10-2005, 09:21 AM   #12
4th and Long 4th and Long is offline
Wherefore art thou, Romeo
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FloridaChief
Uh, huh...May I offer you a Wellbutrin, sir?....
I can get them at cost. Save your moeny.
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4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 12-10-2005, 09:22 AM   #13
4th and Long 4th and Long is offline
Wherefore art thou, Romeo
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Over-Head
YEAH! What he said!

(...pst, 4th buddy, fix the spelling . It's wroNg not wrog, )
Hey! I said wrog and I MEANT wrog!
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4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.4th and Long is too fat/Omaha.
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Old 12-10-2005, 09:22 AM   #14
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Damn. Bob Dole was really looking forward to the party.
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Old 12-10-2005, 09:27 AM   #15
4th and Long 4th and Long is offline
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Originally Posted by TheXtremeDole
Damn. Bob Dole was really looking forward to the party.
December 10th TO: ALL FEMALE PLANET MEMBERS

I'm happy to inform you that The Planet Holiday Party will indeed take place after all, however, the location has been moved to, in Bob Dole's pants. That is all.

Reporting Live From The Sanitarium,

4th and Long
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