Home Mail MemberMap Chat (0) Wallpapers
Go Back   ChiefsPlanet > The Ed & Dave Lounge

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-16-2006, 08:18 AM  
Cochise Cochise is offline
This season:
 
Cochise's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Casino cash: $8670
The hills have eyes

Worst movie ever.

(I haven't done a planet movie review before here so bear with me)

Well, not EVER, but the worst I have seen in a long time. Maybe gorehounds can get off on this kind of thing, but for the more well-adjusted among us, it really has no redeeming qualities.

It's almost amusing in some ways, like a spaghetti western. All the horror staples are here. The most deserted gas station in the world, the creepy degenerate running the shop, disfigured nuclear mutants that feed on human flesh. The horror-cliche stereotypical nuclear family is there too, complete with gruff gun-toting conservative dad, saintly matriarch, pregnant young woman, wuss who doesn't like guns, innocent baby, and eye-candy daughter. (don't get excited, there's no skin. I mean, if a horror movie is going to be horrible, they could at least throw you a bone, right?)

If you don't want spoilers (smarter would be to not see the movie at all), stop reading this post now.

Some lowlights of the film include numerous skull splittings with pickaxes, a mutant-on-girl rape scene, a mutant nursing from a new mother before killing her execution style, a guy being locked into a freezer full of disembodied limbs, and a few unmerciful renderings of a shotgun headshot suicide, someone's fingers being hacked off with an axe, images of a gutted family pet, and a zombie biting the head off a parakeet and squeezing its blood down his throat like it were a can of easy cheese. Of course these all are accompanied by various other 'filler' violence.

All in all, it's bad, even for a horror movie, and suffers from the usual predictability and stupid behavior by the characters. It might be the most violent film I have seen, but it's not frightening - rather, it alternates between wanton, unintentionally funny, boring, and grueling.

On a scale of * to *****, this movie gets 0 stars and owes me two.

Just thought I should warn everyone. If you're into gore then sawing your own limbs off with a hacksaw is just as realistic and probably more entertaining.
Posts: 42,201
Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 09:08 AM   #2
BigMeatballDave BigMeatballDave is offline
That's a spicy meatball!
 
BigMeatballDave's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Casino cash: $7715
The original scared the shit outta me when I was a child. I'll check this out when it comes out on DVD...
Posts: 50,992
BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.BigMeatballDave has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 09:12 AM   #3
Lzen Lzen is online now
Who is John Galt?
 
Lzen's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Earth
Casino cash: $6025
Yeah, I was kinda interested the first time I saw a preview for it. However, the more I see of the previews, the more I think "this doesn't really look very good at all". Maybe I'll check it out when it comes to dvd, maybe.
__________________
I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
Posts: 30,315
Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.Lzen is too fat/Omaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 09:35 AM   #4
Deberg_1990 Deberg_1990 is offline
MVP
 
Deberg_1990's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: San Antonio Tx.
Casino cash: $8045
Actually, most of the reviews ive read from "Genre" fans have said its pretty damn good. Its from the guy who directed High Tension. Looks like another throw-back to 70's style horror ala Rob Zombie.
__________________
Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning:

Matt once made a very nice play in Seattle where he spun away from a pass rusher and hit Bowe off his back foot for a first down.

One of the best plays Matt has ever made.
Posts: 49,815
Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.Deberg_1990 has an IQ even higher than Frankie's.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 10:18 AM   #5
Dunit35 Dunit35 is offline
Keepin it Real
 
Dunit35's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Casino cash: $5874
I'm probably going to go ahead and see this anyways. It looks pretty good, but now I am concerned that it isn't that good.
Posts: 8,885
Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.Dunit35 would the whole thing.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 10:40 AM   #6
Cochise Cochise is offline
This season:
 
Cochise's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Casino cash: $8670
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deberg_1990
Actually, most of the reviews ive read from "Genre" fans have said its pretty damn good. Its from the guy who directed High Tension. Looks like another throw-back to 70's style horror ala Rob Zombie.
I am not a genre fan, I admit that completely. Maybe a gorehound would like it, but I thought it was pure unadulterated garbage.

The scares are all 'cheap scares'. There's little use of tension. The monsters don't seem particularly menacing. The heroes are morons and flat characters so you don't really care if they get killed.

The whole thing was just bumbling and poorly executed.

One thing I will credit it with, is that the music was well chosen and used in ways that I thought were unconventional and irreverent. Sometimes you get the typical horror movie death metal, but in a few places they use really old country and it works. The title sequence of old footage of nuclear testing and birth defects is set to "More and more", a 50s country tune centering on "forgettin' 'bout you." It works in a high contrast, corny sort of way.

I don't know what genre fans are looking for. I guess the hacked off limbs look pretty gruesome and all that. They should have bought a script that wasn't boring and grueling at the same time instead of spending all the money on fake blood and rubber severed legs.

There are preachy political angles too that I won't get into either.
Posts: 42,201
Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 12:40 PM   #7
COchief COchief is offline
Veteran
 
COchief's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Donk-town
Casino cash: $5707
"a zombie biting the head off a parakeet and squeezing its blood down his throat like it were a can of easy cheese."

SOLD! One ticket to COchief in the third row.
Posts: 1,958
COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.COchief would the whole thing.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 12:44 PM   #8
Garcia Bronco Garcia Bronco is offline
No Keys, No Problem
 

Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Denver
Casino cash: $5792
Another remake....
Posts: 22,186
Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Garcia Bronco Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 01:44 PM   #9
Halfcan Halfcan is offline
Queen Anne's Revenge!
 
Halfcan's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Independence, Missouri
Casino cash: $6207
A mutant rape-thats a new one.
Posts: 24,363
Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 01:54 PM   #10
Cochise Cochise is offline
This season:
 
Cochise's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Casino cash: $8670
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halfcan
A mutant rape-thats a new one.
I overheard someone say before it started that they had to cut down some rape scene to get an R rating, so it was probably worse than it ended up being shown
Posts: 42,201
Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.Cochise threw an interception on a screen pass.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 06:00 PM   #11
Mosbonian Mosbonian is offline
On Hiatus
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Casino cash: $100
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cochise
I overheard someone say before it started that they had to cut down some rape scene to get an R rating, so it was probably worse than it ended up being shown
The standard for these scenes was set in the movie "I Spit on Your Grave"......

mmaddog
*******
Posts: 8,538
Mosbonian has disabled reputation
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 07:21 PM   #12
QuikSsurfer QuikSsurfer is offline
Got swag?
 
QuikSsurfer's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Madison, MS
Casino cash: $5560
yeah **** this movie.. look forward to Silent Hill
__________________
Posts: 11,750
QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.QuikSsurfer has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 08:28 PM   #13
Halfcan Halfcan is offline
Queen Anne's Revenge!
 
Halfcan's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Independence, Missouri
Casino cash: $6207
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmaddog
The standard for these scenes was set in the movie "I Spit on Your Grave"......

mmaddog
*******
I thought you were going to say Deliverance.
Posts: 24,363
Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Halfcan is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2006, 08:32 PM   #14
Simplex3 Simplex3 is offline
MVP
 
Simplex3's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2003
Casino cash: $5000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cochise
Worst movie ever.
I believe that's "evar".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cochise
On a scale of * to *****, this movie gets 0 stars and owes me two.
Posts: 28,527
Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.Simplex3 would the whole thing.
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump




All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.