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Old 08-02-2006, 04:42 PM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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The Chiefsplanet Peoplewatching Thread

I often see or hear people saying or doing things that I find intriguing, but it's not quite worth making a thread about. I figure that other people might have the same experiences. Therefore, I hope that this thread can become a clearinghouse for those little observations that might not otherwise make the cut.

My first two would be:

1. I went to the optometrist today to get my eyes checked. In the waiting room, a family came in and sat next to me: a mother, a girl of about 13 or 14, and two young boys. The mother is talking on the phone and scolding the boys who are out of control, and then the teenage girl came over to her mother. She's got both hands up near her face, and asks the mother, "What is this?" My initial thinking was that it was something in her eye since we were, after all, in an optometrist's office. Then the girl says, "I thought it was a pimple, but I'm trying to pop it and nothing's coming out."

Where is your shame, young girl? Where is your shame?


2. I came back to the office, and got a cell phone call while I was in my lobby. I was standing there taking the call when this skanky, meth-looking woman in a tank top came in. She got in the elevator and departed toward the heavens. The thing that was most noticeable about her, other than the skanky part, was that she was wearing no supportive garments above the waist, and she badly, badly needed to be wearing them. (Not large, either - envision an inverted champagne flute made out of Slinky.) I finished my call and rode the elevator up myself, and when I got off on my floor, the woman was in the front lobby of the other company on my floor filling out a job application. I really think that a skanky-looking person with bosoms befitting a National Geographic photo should consider wearing a bra or something whilst going in to apply for a job.

Please feel free to post your own minor observations here in the future.
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Old 01-03-2009, 10:17 PM   #121
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The news tonight had a story about a couple of morons who stole a car and then killed themselves 15 minutes later in a car wreck. The morons didn't have identification, so the news described them to see if any of their criminal relatives wanted to come forward and claim their karma-damaged bodies. They described the woman, and one key identifying mark was a tattoo across her back that said...

"ONLY GOD CAN JUGDE"

I did not misspell the last word. That was her tattoo. The news even said, "This is not a typo. The word is misspelled."
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Old 01-23-2009, 08:48 AM   #122
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I got to witness the full life cycle of a joke last night, from ghetto birth through squalid life to (hopefully) tragic, lonely death.

I was at a party for a nonprofit organization, and one of the guests had a speaking role. He accidentally called a donor the wrong name, e.g. her name was Lana and he called her Laura when he was acknowledging her. A staff member shouted up the right name and he corrected it.

I was sitting at a table with "Lana" and several other people when the speaker came over. The speaker is a person of great volume who tends to swoop in and take over conversations, and this was no exception.

I am not exaggerating here. Any time any statement was made, he would leap in and make a huge, staggering, 79-piece orchestral production of saying the woman's name wrong, and then laugh uproariously at top volume. For example,

Person A: "So, Lana, your kids go to Tom Landry Middle School?"

Speaker (jumping in): I didn't know Laura! had kids! Bwahahahahahahahaha!


Person C: Hey, Rain Man, do you know where the best parking is downtown?

Speaker (jumping in): You know who you should ask about that? Laura! Bwahahahahahahaha!



I am not exaggerating. He sat at our table for about an hour, and he did that no fewer than 30 times, likely 40 times, and possibly as many as 50 times.

And what was more fascinating to me is the phenomenon of laughter. The speaker is a nice guy, and I've got nothing against him. He's just an extreme, extreme extrovert who goes wild in crowds. The fascinating thing was that he would make this same lame statement over and over, and he would guffaw really loud afterwards, and a lot of people are socially inclined to laugh when they hear laughter, and so these other people would laugh, too, so you'd end up with all these people laughing, and I bet the speaker thought he was killing the crowd, but in reality he was taking advantage of a humor loophole where laughter begets laughter, even if the laughter is coming from the "joke teller" himself.

So we're at this table and with the geography and sociology of the situation I couldn't get up and leave, so I had to sit there, and the speaker is rolling on the floor every time he tells this "joke", which is at least once a minute, and a couple of other people are rolling with him because there's so much laughter that it must be funny, right?, and Lana was one of those social laughers herself, so I couldn't tell if she was getting annoyed (as I would be) or if she liked the attention, and I'm sitting there at the end of the table smiling politely and swirling my water glass with my jaw clenched because you can't hold a conversation at all in this situation and all you can do is surreptitiously track on a cocktail napkin how long between retellings of this "joke" to assess whether it's accelerating toward a sonic doppler wave of the guy eventually just screaming Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! until his head explodes, or whether the frequency is slowing down to the point where at some point a person could actually talk to other people without getting shouted down by "Maybe Laura! would like some more wine! Bwahahahahahahaha!"


I really should have been an anthropologist.
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Last edited by Rain Man; 01-23-2009 at 08:54 AM..
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Old 01-24-2009, 07:05 PM   #123
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I would have shot him.
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Old 01-24-2009, 08:47 PM   #124
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Old 01-24-2009, 08:48 PM   #125
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
The news tonight had a story about a couple of morons who stole a car and then killed themselves 15 minutes later in a car wreck. The morons didn't have identification, so the news described them to see if any of their criminal relatives wanted to come forward and claim their karma-damaged bodies. They described the woman, and one key identifying mark was a tattoo across her back that said...

"ONLY GOD CAN JUGDE"

I did not misspell the last word. That was her tattoo. The news even said, "This is not a typo. The word is misspelled."
And this is why I do not have a tattoo. I have nothing against them. I just don't trust anyone.
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Old 01-24-2009, 09:23 PM   #126
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
The news tonight had a story about a couple of morons who stole a car and then killed themselves 15 minutes later in a car wreck. The morons didn't have identification, so the news described them to see if any of their criminal relatives wanted to come forward and claim their karma-damaged bodies. They described the woman, and one key identifying mark was a tattoo across her back that said...

"ONLY GOD CAN JUGDE"

I did not misspell the last word. That was her tattoo. The news even said, "This is not a typo. The word is misspelled."
That is damn sad and damn funny at the same time.

I hope GOD isn't judging on spelling.
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Old 01-25-2009, 07:21 AM   #127
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcellus View Post
That is damn sad and damn funny at the same time.

I hope GOD isn't judging on spelling.
Technically speaking, "damned" is the adverb form of the word "damn", although my dictionary does say that "damn" can be used informally. I don't know how God would feel about such things though so check it out before you use it in a tattoo.
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Old 01-25-2009, 09:44 AM   #128
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Technically speaking, "damned" is the adverb form of the word "damn", although my dictionary does say that "damn" can be used informally. I don't know how God would feel about such things though so check it out before you use it in a tattoo.
your body is a temple...
so writing on the wall of temple....won't go over well. /God
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Old 01-25-2009, 05:06 PM   #129
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Went to get some TacoBell at halftime two weeks ago. I ordered 8 of the $.89 Cheesy Double beef burritos (I was buying for three). The chick rings it up and the total is almost $15. So after driving all the way there I get to find out they don't honor the price that I just watched on a TB commercial during the game. The hell with it I didn't feel like driving around looking for something else and missing anymore of the game than I had to. I pay then go to the bathroom, upon returning she says "We only have enough rice to make five of those burritos." I'm visibly starting to get pissed now, but I know it is not the kid at the registers fault that the price is wrong and the rice is low. I told her that I would just take the five then.

Then it happens, I see that glazed, confused look come over her face and I know what she is going to ask next. "Do you want your money back then?"

I don't know how these people make it through life. It amazes me.
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Old 01-25-2009, 05:26 PM   #130
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There's a window from where I sit in Accounting into the President's office. Directly in front of me. He likes to watch the morning news or the weather channel. Usually the television is off by 10. One morning I watched him walk into his office and stop dead in his tracks transfixed by a television commercial. It was the commercial for the doo hickey that pulls your bra straps together in the back hiding those oh so unfasionable bra straps. Commercial completely focused on the breasts but there were no bikinis or anything. You see more breasts on Hannah Montana, but he was absolutely mesMERized by this 6 minute commercial. His phone rang, his cell phone rang, people walked by his office and he steadfastly watched the bra commercial.

When it was over, he adjusted himself, realized he was standing in front of a window, looked at me looking at him with an eyebrow raised (I practiced and practiced just for such an occasion) and scurried to his desk.

It makes me wonder what his wife's breasts look like.
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Old 04-11-2009, 07:41 PM   #131
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I was about to go on my jog today, and was sitting on my front steps adjusting my shoes. I live on a street with a fair amount of pedestrian traffic, so it's not uncommon for people to walk by.

Some old lady was walking by, and noticed that there was a piece of paper on the sidewalk where some idiot had thrown it down. I was going to pick it up, but hadn't made it down there yet.

She toddled over and picked it up. I said, "Thank you very much. I appreciate it."

She mumbled and grumbled that someone could easily step on the paper and slip and fall. I didn't think it was quite that dangerous, but agreed nonetheless. I was at the top of the steps sitting down (about 8 steps up), and she was at the bottom.

She motioned to my flower bed and to the paper in her hand. "You want me to just throw this in there?" she asked.

"Um, no." I had assumed she was going to carry it to a trash can. "Here, I'll take it."

She gave me the paper and then proceeded to complain to me about how my sidewalk is crooked and could trip people who are walking. She went over and motioned and mimed tripping and pointed out a section of sidewalk where there is seriously no more than a quarter-inch of height difference.

So much for a nice trash picker-upper.
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Old 04-11-2009, 07:43 PM   #132
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katipan View Post

It makes me wonder what his wife's breasts look like.

I wonder that, too. But then, I did before the story, too.
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:40 AM   #133
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Sitting here at an airport. I don't think I've seen one person walk by that wasn't on a cell phone. What was airports like prior to cellphones? Was there a mad rush to the pay phones as planes landed?
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:48 AM   #134
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Sitting here at an airport. I don't think I've seen one person walk by that wasn't on a cell phone. What was airports like prior to cellphones? Was there a mad rush to the pay phones as planes landed?
Yes but it was easier to coordinate rides when your ride was allowed to greet you in the terminal with flowers balloons and a 12 piece orchestra.
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Old 07-11-2009, 08:43 AM   #135
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Two observations from my walk home last night.

1. Guys with bad posture shouldn't wear Hawaiian shirts. For some reason, any guy with a Hawaiian shirt who's hunched over looks like he's weird. I can't put my finger on why, but it's a fact. (I'm not sure if this counts for men over 80, though, since I haven't seen one. If you're a hunched-over octogenarian, it may make you more cool to go out in a Hawaiian shirt.)

2. I walked home by the baseball stadium while a game was starting, and as usual there were police all over the place to block streets and handle pedestrian traffic. One of the police officers was a woman who was about 5'-6" or so and absolutely weighed over 300 pounds. I was very surprised to see that. Do they require police officers to pass a fitness test? I don't think this woman could have passed any fitness test. I realize that handling pedestrians and blocking streets at a ball game is a pretty low-impact police activity, and figured that maybe they let the dispatchers or other non-field staff make some extra money by doing it, but at the same time she was out there in a police uniform. If a crime was committed, it seems that it would be her job to rush to the scene and chase down and arrest a criminal.
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