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Old 08-31-2006, 11:47 AM  
Lzen Lzen is offline
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2 Nuns

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are driving through Europe. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do"?

"Turning the windshield wipers on should get rid of the abomination,"
says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine switches them on knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?"
she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

When Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer, Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine, so she opens the window and shouts, "Get the **** off the car!"
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Old 08-31-2006, 11:51 AM   #2
Jenson71 Jenson71 is offline
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I like some good nun jokes. I was taught by a few nuns throughout my many years of Catholic school. They can get cross at times.
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Old 08-31-2006, 12:33 PM   #3
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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VARSITY
Here's a couple for ya:

Four nuns are standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.

"Well, once I looked at a man's privates," she said.

"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.

He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.

"Well, once I held a man's privates," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.

Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun.

"Why did you push ahead in line?" asked Peter.

"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!" replied the nun.

--------------------------

Michael took Kevin along with him to confession for moral support. Kevin waited in the pews while Michael approached the confessional.

"Forgive me father, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

"Ah Michael," sighed the priest, "you have grieved the Holy Spirit. Tell me, was it Mary McCarthy?"

"I can't tell you, father," answered Michael, "I promised I wouldn't say, but forgive me, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

"Michael, this is not what you have been taught by Mother Church. Was it Sinead O'Rourke?"

"I can't say, father, I promised I wouldn't, but forgive me, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

"Ah, Michael, your poor mother and father would be heartbroken to know this. I wonder, was it Philomena Donnelly?"

"I can't tell you, father, I promised, forgive me, I have been with a woman."

"Michael, my son, I harboured such high hopes for you when you were an altar boy. Tell me, was it Therese Murphy?"

"Father, I can't say, I promised, forgive me father, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

The priest pronounced, "Michael, you must say 50 Our Fathers and 30 Hail Marys."

"Thank you, father," a relieved Michael acknowledged, and went back to the pews where his mate Kevin was waiting.

"Michael, Michael, what did the father say?"

"He gave me 50 Our Fathers, 30 Hail Marys and four good leads."
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Old 08-31-2006, 01:06 PM   #4
Scorp Scorp is offline
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There were 5 nuns on a Sunday afternoon in Paris ridin a 5 seated bike...They just all wanted to go out and check out the scenery so as the head nun passes by big landmarks she says..."OOoooohhhh wowwwwwww..." They just keep ridin along and as they hit bumps in the road they all said..."OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh...W... So after the 5th bump the head nun said..."If you all don't keep quiet I'm goin to put the seats back on..."
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