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Old 01-02-2007, 06:40 PM  
Douche Baggins Douche Baggins is offline
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Gazing into the crystal ball: playoff predictions

http://www.realfootball365.com/nfl/a...ons020107.html

Whew, what a mess left in the RealFootball365 virtual screening room after 15 games of NFL action - some actually meaningful - on New Year's Eve. Dallas fans left a well-filled spittoon or two; there's a couple of Jets fans still lying around suffering hurt from celebratory champagne and/or the beating a bunch of Darth Vader-looking dudes handed them for the first solid Raider victory all year. And somewhere at the bottom of this heap of sodden tissues left by weeping Cheeseheads and empty beer cans left by, well, everyone, is...ah, there it is!

The RF365 crystal ball, none the worse for wear and just as good as new with a polish or two!

Gaze deeply within then, football freaks, and the mysteries mere mortals will have to wait four weeks to divine will be revealed! Drumroll, please, for our 100 percent guaranteed-by-eerie-otherworld-forces predictions...

Wild-card round

Kansas City Chiefs 42, Indianapolis Colts 35. Larry Johnson carries the ball 416 times and finds the end zone six times to overcome Peyton Manning's five TD passes. The piercing ka-clunk loud enough to emanate hundreds of miles outside of Indiana is Manning's career down-shifting.

New England Patriots 20, New York Jets 19. Tom Brady goes 20-of-25 for 190 yards, carries the ball 13 times for 141 yards on the ground, engineers an eight-play, 73-yard drive in the final minute of the fourth quarter and caps it by drop-kicking the game-winning field goal. Pundits shake their heads in amazement, wondering in print how New England keeps producing a contending team.

Philadelphia Eagles 37, New York Giants 7. Brian Westbrook carries the ball 23 times for just over 200 yards, but Tiki Barber's 14 rushes for 46 yards get top spot in the "Sports Center" highlight reel. The following Tuesday, someone at the Worldwide Leader in [American] Sports discovers that the Giants actually lost.

Huge Disappointments 14, Pretty Freakin' Big Disappointments 13. In the most irrelevant playoff game in years, either the Seattle Seahawks or the Dallas Cowboys win. Few care.

Divisional round

New England Patriots 17, Baltimore Ravens 0. With a 10-0 lead, Brady throws left-handed in the third quarter just to spice things up a bit. He connects for a touchdown with some dude called up from the practice squad four hours before game time. Vinny Testaverde comes in to run out the clock and becomes the oldest player in NFL to throw an interception on a kneel-down.

Chicago Bears 70, Seallas Cowhawks 3. Chicago becomes the first team ever to win a playoff game without a single play from scrimmage when Devin Hester scores two special-teams TDs and the 'D' runs back three fumbles and five interceptions for scores. Lovie Smith states at the post-game press conference that he has no intention of replacing Rex Grossman at quarterback, as his zero-attempt, zero-completion, zero-yard performance is called "easily his best effort of the year."

San Diego Chargers 28, Kansas City Chiefs 27. With 23 seconds remaining and on the verge of an incredible for-the-ages comeback, Larry Johnson breaks away with only open field ahead before mysteriously slowing to a stop just short of the goal line. Upon turning the unconscious halfback over, Kansas City team doctors find a sticker reading "Not Covered By Warranty After 10,000 Miles."

Philadelphia Eagles 30, New Orleans Saints 23. Despite an excellent showing by America's favorite underdogs, Philly proves too much for the Saints. An omen is provided by the highlight clips the network runs before the game: While the Eagles are represented by Mark Wahlberg in "Invincible" plus clips of Dick Vermeil, Ron Jaworski and Donovan McNabb, the Saints get Mickey Rourke in "Angel Heart" mixed with highlight film of George W. Bush and Michael D. Brown.

Championship round

Philadelphia Eagles 2, Chicago Bears 0. Though the Eagles are held at bay by the Chicago 'D' all day, Grossman costs the favorites the game when, on first-and-goal from the one-yard line, he suddenly flees in terror all the way back to his own end zone and, in fact, out of the stadium. He is found three months later in a riverside camp in South Vietnam, saying something about a worm and a razorblade.

New England Patriots 10, San Diego Chargers 7. When all seems lost for the Pats, down 7-3 in the fourth quarter, coach Bill Belichick challenges a fourth-quarter interception under auspices of the rare "We Got Screwed Out of a Chance to Three-peat Last Year Because of a Bad Call" rule last used by Barry Switzer in the 1996 playoffs. The call is overturned, and Brady leads his team on a 103-play, 61-second drive to put the Patriots in their fourth Super Bowl in six years.

Super Bowl XLI

Miami Dolphins 20, Carolina Panthers 17. Daunte Culpepper throws one of the best games of his career, as Miami bests Julius Peppers and the awesome Carolina 'D' to pull out the Super Bowl win on its home turf. (Well, isn't that what you predicted at the beginning of the season?)
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Old 01-02-2007, 06:45 PM   #2
Halfcan Halfcan is offline
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I thought Gretz had the market cornered on the word "Pundits"?

If you start using "Tin Throats" I will start worrying.
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Old 01-02-2007, 06:46 PM   #3
KurtCobain KurtCobain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs
San Diego Chargers 28, Kansas City Chiefs 27. With 23 seconds remaining and on the verge of an incredible for-the-ages comeback, Larry Johnson breaks away with only open field ahead before mysteriously slowing to a stop just short of the goal line. Upon turning the unconscious halfback over, Kansas City team doctors find a sticker reading "Not Covered By Warranty After 10,000 Miles."
He asked for it.
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