|03-02-2007, 09:03 AM|
DT: HOF Class of 2009
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: House Springs, MO
Casino cash: $5000
The 5 Minute Management Course
5-minute management course
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
|03-02-2007, 10:01 AM||#6|
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Swims with fishes
Casino cash: $21597VARSITY
thats pretty good. Rep
|03-02-2007, 10:26 AM||#7|
Join Date: Aug 2005
Casino cash: $12429
...with the NFL corollary to Lesson 6:
(*) Not everyone you get out of deep **** will be your friend. You may just be changing Al Davis depends.
|03-02-2007, 11:05 AM||#9|
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: The Yukon
Casino cash: $102298VARSITY
Two crows were sitting on a fence at a cattle ranch one day. The first crow looks at the other and says, "I'm gonna fly down and eat some of that cow sh*t." The other agrees with the idea and they commence to eating. All of a sudden a farmer runs towards them and yells, "Don't eat that you stupid birds!" The first crow asks the second one, "What the hell did he just say?" "I don't know." Replied the second and they continue eating. Again and again the farmer tries yelling at them and they had no idea what the hell he was saying.
A while went by and the crows saw a combine coming there way. They decide to hastily fly away but couldn't. Apparently the cattle had got into the shot-tower and had eaten about 100 lbs each of lead. The crows were to heavy to fly and were killed by the combine.
The moral of the story?
Don't get into anyone else's sh*t unless you know what the hell they are talking about.
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|03-02-2007, 12:13 PM||#10|
Will KC ever be better?
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Land of Red Dirt & Necks
Casino cash: $5187
That was worth reading!
#6 was actually used in the Henry Fonda/Terrence Hill movie called "My Name Is Nobody".