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Old 03-02-2007, 08:03 AM  
ChiefsFan4Life ChiefsFan4Life is offline
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The 5 Minute Management Course

5-minute management course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.

Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!


THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
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Old 03-02-2007, 08:09 AM   #2
chiefforlife chiefforlife is offline
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Great way to start the day! Thanks for sharing.
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chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.chiefforlife has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.
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Old 03-02-2007, 08:18 AM   #3
dirk digler dirk digler is offline
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dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dirk digler 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.
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Old 03-02-2007, 08:20 AM   #4
Skip Towne Skip Towne is offline
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I'll bet this is the course Boomer is taking.
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Skip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < CasselSkip Towne < Cassel
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Old 03-02-2007, 08:26 AM   #5
El Jefe El Jefe is offline
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Man I agree what a good segment to start the day off.
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Old 03-02-2007, 09:01 AM   #6
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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thats pretty good. Rep
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Attempted troll/humor while discussing potential child abuse
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bufkin View Post
If it's effective, who are you, me, or anybody else to call it abuse? I worked with a guy back in Moberly who would shove a finger up his son's ass each time he had anything worse than a C on his report card. If he came home with 2 D's and an F, that's 3 fingers (and this was a big dude). Does that sound hideous and disgusting? Absolutely. Did the kid ever get anything worse than a C after this rule was implemented? Not a chance.

I'm not saying it's morally right or wrong, but does it make the child because of it? Think about that for a second.
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Old 03-02-2007, 09:26 AM   #7
kepp kepp is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skip Towne
I'll bet this is the course Boomer is taking.


...with the NFL corollary to Lesson 6:
(*) Not everyone you get out of deep **** will be your friend. You may just be changing Al Davis depends.
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Old 03-02-2007, 09:47 AM   #8
Mr. Laz Mr. Laz is offline
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Old 03-02-2007, 10:05 AM   #9
Gonzo Gonzo is offline
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Two crows were sitting on a fence at a cattle ranch one day. The first crow looks at the other and says, "I'm gonna fly down and eat some of that cow sh*t." The other agrees with the idea and they commence to eating. All of a sudden a farmer runs towards them and yells, "Don't eat that you stupid birds!" The first crow asks the second one, "What the hell did he just say?" "I don't know." Replied the second and they continue eating. Again and again the farmer tries yelling at them and they had no idea what the hell he was saying.
A while went by and the crows saw a combine coming there way. They decide to hastily fly away but couldn't. Apparently the cattle had got into the shot-tower and had eaten about 100 lbs each of lead. The crows were to heavy to fly and were killed by the combine.

The moral of the story?

Don't get into anyone else's sh*t unless you know what the hell they are talking about.
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Old 03-02-2007, 11:13 AM   #10
PastorMikH PastorMikH is offline
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That was worth reading!

#6 was actually used in the Henry Fonda/Terrence Hill movie called "My Name Is Nobody".
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