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Old 03-21-2001, 05:51 PM  
Frazod Frazod is offline
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Enough with all this Brunell/Beuerlein/Green crap! Here's something that'll put us all in the doghouse! :D

20. Hey Sybil, get a grip!
19. That argument would make Spock's head explode.
18. You sound just like your mother when you get angry. She's a ****ing b!tch, too.
17. Did I hear you? EVERY MOOSE IN CANADA HEARD YOU!
16. Don't worry about seeing my point - instead try visualizing my ****ing dinner.
15. I wish this damned mute button worked on something OTHER than the TV.
14. I was just wondering what keeps your eyeballs from falling back into your empty ****ing skull?
13. Time to renew that Prozac prescription, eh?
12. You're just upset because your a$$ is getting big.
11. Wait a minute...I get it! What time of the month is it?
10. Why don't you go iron something. After you get me a beer.
9. Are you sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
8. Sorry, I was just picturing you naked.
7. That reminds me. Next time you go to the store, could you add "giant ****ing cork" to the shopping list?
6. Whoa, time out honey. The game's back on.
5. Looks like someone had an extra bowl of b!tch flakes this morning.
4. Hey, could we do this via e-mail?
3. We're not ****ing. Why are you here?
2. You know, I could really use a bl0wjob right about now.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU DON'T WANT TO SAY:
Who are you kidding? We both know that thing's not loaded!
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Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.
 
Old 03-21-2001, 06:08 PM   #2
Mi_chief_fan Mi_chief_fan is offline
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LOL!!!!!!! #7's a classic!

What works for me: Dear, have you ever seen a rat? Was it fat? 'Cause I don't give a fat rat's a$$!
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Old 03-21-2001, 06:15 PM   #3
Frazod Frazod is offline
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A friend of mine (female, believe it or not) e-mailed me this today. I tinkered with it a bit and added a few of my own.

I've actually used No. 3 before. Turned an annoying current girlfriend into an ex-girlfriend that I never saw again in the blink of an eye. Which was, of course, the desired effect. :D

Hope the BNC doesn't see this later. I'll be in serious trouble.... :eek:
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Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.
 
Old 03-21-2001, 07:04 PM   #4
keg in kc keg in kc is offline
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Some of my personal favorites:

The **** series, which always nets me a night on the couch:

1) Just shut the **** up.
2) **** you.
3) What the **** is wrong with you.
4) Go **** yourself.


There's the "silent treatment". Sometimes followed by slammed doors and various other flying debris. The dogs don't like that one very much.

Another version of the silent treatment involves rolling the eyes and "pfffttt". Sometimes followed by a simple mumbled "stupid". Very effective.

There's the secret revenge, which involves baiting the dogs into laying on her pillow when she's not looking, or giving them various articles of underwear or socks to gnaw on. Of course I do that when we're not arguing, too. ;)

And, these last two are the normal courses of action:

1) just walk off, completely ignoring her. That one gets me in big trouble.

or

2) sit there and pretend like I'm listening (just like when we're not arguing ;)). Insert various head-nods and 'uh-huh's to create the illusion that I care about the topic.


I sincerely hope all you gentlemen out there are intelligent enough to look at that list and go "oh god, I'd better not do any of this!"...
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Old 03-21-2001, 07:04 PM   #5
RJ RJ is offline
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#18, "you sound just like your mother". Don't use this one unless you're primed for real battle. I've made that mistake a few times. Doesn't go over well with any woman I've known. Dangerous ground to tread upon.
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Old 03-21-2001, 07:09 PM   #6
keg in kc keg in kc is offline
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Actually rjintx, an even worse one is "You sound just like [b]my[/b] mother."

Oh, never ever do that one unless you're ready for an all-out war.
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Old 03-21-2001, 07:20 PM   #7
Mi_chief_fan Mi_chief_fan is offline
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Never, ever use the 'c' word. Trust me on this.

Another mistake: when the wife asked why I married her, I replied 'I got tired of paying for sex, so I bought the cow.' Ouch!

We won't discuss the repercussions! :(
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Old 03-21-2001, 07:20 PM   #8
RJ RJ is offline
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While I have no explanation for this, it has been my experience that women hate being told their behavior is like their mother's. I have seen this in nearly every relationship I've had. Conversely, they seem to love being told they are like their fathers. May be just the type of women I've been with, or just plain coincidence.

Telling them they sound like MY mother wouldn't work for me. They all love her. Girlfriends I haven't seen in years still call my mom. Last Xmas, when I called mom, 2 ex-girlfriends and my ex-wife were there. It was kinda creepy. Not good to have that many exes gathered in one place. They could be plotting something. Probably cause I compared them to their mothers.
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RJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby Piscitelli
 
Old 03-21-2001, 07:42 PM   #9
Otter Otter is offline
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Never answer to the "am I getting fat" question:

Well sure your putting on some weight... but you're still not as fat as your mother.

Bad, Bad answer. Trust me.

[Edited by Otter on 03-21-2001 at 08:51 PM]
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Old 03-21-2001, 07:57 PM   #10
RJ RJ is offline
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Otter, LMAO!!

Dude, you definitely weren't thinking when that came out.

I was once in a women's clothing store during the holidays and was listening to a guy talking to the sales clerk. He was trying to figure out his wife's dress size. The girl, trying to be helpful, asked how the wife would compare in size to her. The guy says, "Well, she's a pretty big woman but she's nowhere near as big as you." As soon as the words left his mouth he turned 10 shades of red. The girl was a lot less helpful after that.
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RJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliRJ 's adopt a chief was Sabby Piscitelli
 
Old 03-21-2001, 08:05 PM   #11
Frazod Frazod is offline
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I once quoted Al Bundy when answering the question "Does this dress make me look fat?"

The answer I gave was: "It's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the FAT that makes you look fat!"

Over the course of my life I've been in more than a few fights - some I've won, some I've lost. But I was never hit as hard by any guy I went toe-to-toe with as I was by the woman I said that to. She damn near broke my arm.

Frazod's life lesson of the day: Quoting Al Bundy to any woman is NOT a good idea.

The correct answer to that question is "No, darling. It makes you look too thin."

After decades of dating women and working for lawyers, I've learned to lie with the best of them.... :D
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Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.
 
Old 03-21-2001, 08:16 PM   #12
Zebedee DuBois Zebedee DuBois is offline
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These stories appear to be examples of Drinking and Talking.
D&T doesn't get the publicity of Drinking and Driving, but is just as leathal.
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Old 03-21-2001, 08:46 PM   #13
keg in kc keg in kc is offline
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No, Zeb, I'm sorry to admit it, but I'm this stupid sober.
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Old 03-21-2001, 08:53 PM   #14
Frazod Frazod is offline
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Me too. I was stone sober when I quoted Al. Got drunk later to kill the pain, though. Damn, that hurt.
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Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Frazod < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.
 
Old 03-21-2001, 08:54 PM   #15
old_geezer old_geezer is offline
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I once told my ex-wife "I'm glad I wasn't cursed with a female brain." :eek:

She wasn't ex at the time. I'm sure that didn't help. :)
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