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Old 10-05-2007, 09:26 PM  
Frazod Frazod is offline
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Crappy Movie Alert

Just walked out of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I was able to endure about an hour and a half of it.

If you just mainlined a kilo of pure coke and need to come down off your high, this movie is for you.

If you just drank a gallon of espresso and are worried about your heart exploding, this movie is for you.

If you are an insomniac who doesn't respond well to prescription sleep aids, this movie is for you.

What a wretched, ponderous, tedious, awful, dull, vile piece of crap. AND IT GOT GOOD REVIEWS. Ebert can expect a rude e-mail from me later.



I'm from Missouri. The Civil War and post Civil War periods in Missouri fascinate me. I've stood in the spot where Jesse stood when Ford killed him. And I walked out of this movie.

I really liked Ride With The Devil, but thought it was a bit slow. This piece of crap is so slow that it makes Ride With The Devil look like Bourne Identity. Hell, Gods and Generals was interesting by comparison. Even the train robbery was boring. I think a good director and editor could have compressed the hour and a half I watched into about half an hour that would have been interesting.

And I talked my neighbor into going with me and the wife, so I paid admission X 3. $30 for this crap. ****!!!


Avoid at all costs. Learn from my mistake.


Last edited by Frazod; 10-05-2007 at 09:36 PM..
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:28 PM   #2
KcMizzou KcMizzou is offline
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Damn... that sucks. I had high hopes for this movie.

If it was too dull for you, I have no chance.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:29 PM   #3
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Gods and Generals was awful. Is this from the same morons?
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:29 PM   #4
Frazod Frazod is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KcMizzou
Damn... that sucks. I had high hopes for this movie.

If it was too dull for you, I have no chance.
Rent The Long Riders. Trust me.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:30 PM   #5
L.A. Chieffan L.A. Chieffan is offline
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How are the boat chase scenes?
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:31 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GOATSE
Gods and Generals was awful. Is this from the same morons?
I don't think so.

And yes, Gods and Generals was awful, but I sat through all 800 hours of it in the theater (at least it felt like 800 hours).

AND THIS WAS WORSE. MUCH, MUCH WORSE.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:32 PM   #7
Frazod Frazod is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L.A.Chieffan
How are the boat chase scenes?
I must have missed them when I lapsed into the coma.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:32 PM   #8
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Even worse than Gettysburg?
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Same as it ever was.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:33 PM   #9
Count Zarth Count Zarth is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frazod
I don't think so.

And yes, Gods and Generals was awful, but I sat through all 800 hours of it in the theater (at least it felt like 800 hours).

AND THIS WAS WORSE. MUCH, MUCH WORSE.
I was reviewing it for my old college rag. I ripped it good.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:34 PM   #10
Frazod Frazod is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guru
Even worse than Gettysburg?
Hey now. I loved Gettysburg. Don't rip on that one.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:35 PM   #11
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You walked out-now you will never know how it ends.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:36 PM   #12
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You walked out-now you will never know how it ends.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:37 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guru
Even worse than Gettysburg?
You mean Gettyfakebeards? The make up jobs were comical in that movie. It was like all the actors just lined up and picked out beards to wear. What a bore.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:40 PM   #14
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Thanks for the warning, i had a feeling about this one...Pitt even looks bored in the publicity stills.
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Old 10-05-2007, 09:41 PM   #15
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Sweet. I save EVERYTHING I write. Here's my review:

Quote:
"Gods and Generals" is a movie that suffers from several downfalls, but none looms larger than the length. The movie is simply too long.

Director Ronald F. Maxwell's latest Civil War tribute (he also directed 1993's "Gettysburg") clocks in at three and a half hours. Maxwell could have made a much better movie by simply cutting a few extra scenes.

The film begins in a promising fashion with scenes that make you feel as if you are reading a high school history book. Like "Gettysburg," "Gods and Generals" is not short on historical accuracy.

Forty minutes pass before the first shot is fired, though, and even then the movie still manages to bore. Nearly every battle scene in this movie is dull and accompanied by horrible special effects. Even when a cannon explodes in front of Robert E. Lee (Robert Duvall) and Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson (Stephen Lang) the effect is minimal.

The movie attempts to follow the early Civil War stories of three officers - Lee, Jackson and Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain (Jeff Daniels). Maxwell makes a valiant effort at doing this, but eventually tosses Lee and Chamberlain aside and focuses on Jackson.

As an unfortunate result, Duvall and Daniels are woefully underused. Duvall's entire time on-screen is spent looking like an old man on a horse, and Daniels is simply out of place. This is the same actor that played "Harry" in "Dumb and Dumber."

The movie picks up toward the end with Jackson being accidentally shot by his own men and eventually dying of pneumonia. Lang steals the show as the best actor in this movie.

But by the time we get to his best scenes, half the audience is asleep. Just because a movie is based on a novel doesn't mean it has to be three or four hours long.

R.C. W. (name withheld)
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