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Old 07-03-2008, 10:00 PM  
pr_capone pr_capone is offline
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Damn bug scared the piss outta me
I just came inside from my back yard where a deadly Variegated June Beetle nearly killed me.



So, I go outside to let my dog do her do in the back yard. All of a sudden I hear several loud hisses that sound like a damn snake warning of an impending strike.

I'm freaking out looking around for the source of this and it suddenly stops. I calm down a bit until I take a step and all of a sudden the hissing starts all over again. I feel a pinch on my toe and look down to find that bug hanging on for dear life as I flail my leg back and forth trying to shake this pinching hiss of doom creature off my toe.

Now... I realize at this point that its just a bug and probably harmless but my brain refused to rationalize that I am perfectly safe. I finally shake the thing off and immediately came inside to find out why in the hell I never knew that June Bugs ****ing hiss when pissed off.



Damn... learn something new every day.
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:02 PM   #2
blueballs blueballs is offline
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:02 PM   #3
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The photo is actual size, I assume? If so, I'd say you were in real danger.
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:05 PM   #4
the_spatula the_spatula is offline
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how's your pooper???
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:06 PM   #5
pr_capone pr_capone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the_spatula View Post
how's your pooper???
Thankfully everything seems to be back to normal. Odd really, never shat that much in such a short amount of time in my life... even with the runs.

I'll tell you what tho, this June Bug bout made me have an unscheduled evacuation in the back yard. lol
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:07 PM   #6
FAX FAX is offline
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That's pretty amazing. I don't believe I've ever seen one of those. I hope they don't come in swarms and you merely encountered one of the scouts.

Nevertheless, in cases like these, Mr. pr_capone, the main thing to remember is not to attempt to wear one as a hat.

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Old 07-03-2008, 10:12 PM   #7
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It may have implanted eggs in your toes. They might hatch, tunnel their way upwards through your legs, and feast on your family jewels. It may be like the podiatry version of the thing from Alien.

Better amputate that toe immediately just to be safe. Stick it in ice, take it to the doctor in the morning, and if it checks out they should be able to reattach it for you.
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:13 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX View Post
That's pretty amazing. I don't believe I've ever seen one of those. I hope they don't come in swarms and you merely encountered one of the scouts.

Nevertheless, in cases like these, Mr. pr_capone, the main thing to remember is not to attempt to wear one as a hat.

FAX
Actually, Mr FAX, looking again at the photo, I think that would make a great hat, and depending on the size of the creature, an awesome James Brown-esque cape.
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:16 PM   #9
morphius morphius is offline
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get back to me when you don't look in your glass and take a drink only to realize there is something alive in your drink, and it doesn't want to go down your throat and you can't cough it out as it is freaking out and you are laying a line of cuss words out as to embarrass a sailor, then chugging everything you can find to get it down, as it keeps crawling back up...

and inside of your throat is raw for a few days.
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:18 PM   #10
Smed1065 Smed1065 is offline
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Wow a beetle.

Sell the house and move south then.

LOL.

Thats a baby and you are lucky you only have to worry about 4 poisonous critters in the USA. Total, counting snakes, spiders and all.
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:24 PM   #11
pr_capone pr_capone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smed1065 View Post
Wow a beetle.

Sell the house and move south then.

LOL.

Thats a baby and you are lucky you only have to worry about 4 poisonous critters in the USA. Total, counting snakes, spiders and all.
LMFAO

In my defense... I realized that I was in no danger, it just took me a second to get out of SURVIVAL OF IMPENDING DOOM mode.
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:27 PM   #12
Smed1065 Smed1065 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pr_capone View Post
LMFAO

In my defense... I realized that I was in no danger, it just took me a second to get out of SURVIVAL OF IMPENDING DOOM mode.
It is no fun to give monkey throws to those that realize it. LOL

Bet he came from the TP you have used in the last 3 days.

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Old 07-03-2008, 10:32 PM   #13
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ok, out with the 4

Here's my guess: brown recluse, black widow, rattlesnake, and water moccasin?

Did gila monster get the 5-spot?
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:40 PM   #14
pr_capone pr_capone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smed1065 View Post
Wow a beetle.

Sell the house and move south then.

LOL.

Thats a baby and you are lucky you only have to worry about 4 poisonous critters in the USA. Total, counting snakes, spiders and all.
An venomous critters native to Kansas.

Stripebacked Scorpion
Rattle Snake
Water Moccasin
Copperhead
Desert Massasauga
Western Massasauga
Brown Recluse
Black Widow

BUT... yeah. 4

Snakes
Lizards
Scorpions
Spiders
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Old 07-03-2008, 10:42 PM   #15
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