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Old 04-30-2009, 09:07 PM  
FAX FAX is offline
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I am in the midst of an horrific dilemma, Planeteers. What follows is the sad and heartbreaking tale of woe stuff.

Approximately two months ago, I decided to grow a beard. Not a big, long, fuzzy one that can hold mashed potatoes and a family of finches. Just a neatly trimmed goatee thing with mustache thing and bluesy turtle tail looking thing under the lower lip place. Kind of a Tony Stark type deal. I haven't had a beard of any sort since my days on the road, so it's kind of cool and in keeping with my music business persona stuff.

Anyhow, the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX is complaining. She says the beard is "prickly" when we kiss. Ergo, the mucho problemo. I like the beard and I like the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX. She is also a very good kisser ... or at least she was before the beard.

The issue is obvious. Do I keep the beard or do I shave? To be honest, I have been hopeful that the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX would become accustomed to the beard so that I might retain both my sporty new grill and my love life. She, however, holds the opposite opinion ... so damn.

Realizing that Planeteers are wise in the ways of love, marital problems, facial hair, and horrific dilemmas, I thought I'd ask for some advice and information. Do women get used to beards after awhile? Alternatively, is it actually possible that some women never get used to them? Should you be forced to decide between kissing a beautiful woman and sporting a cool beard complete with turtle tail thing, which would you choose? Were I to calculate the financial savings in razor blades and shaving cream, do you think she could turn from beard hater to beard supporter purely on economic grounds? Where do beards rank in the list of most common reasons for divorce?

Any assistance you could provide based upon your prior experience (with beards - not with the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX) would be greatly appreciated.

FAX THE HAIRY
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:12 PM   #2
Dinny Blues Dinny Blues is offline
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Just keep the womb broom in the name of compromise.

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Old 04-30-2009, 09:14 PM   #3
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:15 PM   #4
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They do not get used to them if they are "prickly". Growing it a little longer may help it not to be "prickly" but the best advice is to make sure you use some type of conditioner that may soften the beard up some.
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:16 PM   #5
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This is quite simple........keep the beard and don't kiss the wife anymore.
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:19 PM   #6
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Keep the beard. She can deal or walk.
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:23 PM   #7
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I was wondering about the conditioner stuff. They (whoever they are) make fabric softener, water softener, and stool softener, so I thought maybe they made beard softener, too. However, I've never seen any and I am 100 percent philosophically opposed to the concept of using stool softener on my face.

FAX THE OPPOSED TO RUBBING STOOL SOFTENER ON MY FACE
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:25 PM   #8
RustShack RustShack is offline
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RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.RustShack has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:26 PM   #9
Ari Chi3fs Ari Chi3fs is offline
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:27 PM   #10
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We need to know more about her reaction to offer you sound advice.

Does she respond like Absolon, with much mouth wiping and spitting after kissing your hole?

<--------------(amused by his own literary allusions)
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:29 PM   #11
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:30 PM   #12
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The answer is simple, tell the beautiful and witty Mrs FAX that she is free to grow a beard of her own.
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:30 PM   #13
Just Passin' By Just Passin' By is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX View Post
I was wondering about the conditioner stuff. They (whoever they are) make fabric softener, water softener, and stool softener, so I thought maybe they made beard softener, too. However, I've never seen any and I am 100 percent philosophically opposed to the concept of using stool softener on my face.

FAX THE OPPOSED TO RUBBING STOOL SOFTENER ON MY FACE
Use regular hair conditioner. It works for my goatee.
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:31 PM   #14
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Old 04-30-2009, 09:31 PM   #15
RustShack RustShack is offline
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Tell her she has to shave you know where.
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