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Old 08-27-2009, 08:56 AM  
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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What is the best, most awesome, coolest single post on the Planet evah?

What say you? This one in another thread got me thinking...

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheWarpath58
Son, we live in a world that has idiotic message board posts, and those posts have to be guarded by men with facts and stats. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Hootie? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for htismaqe, and you curse the Chiefs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That htismaqe's leaving, while tragic, probably saved him from a nervous breakdown. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves you from a nervous breakdown. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that bulletin board, you need me on that bulletin board. We use words like your and idiot, moran, pie. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent talking football. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a n00b who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the incredible knowledge that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and create a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.











Let's have some nominations and feedback. I'll put the most popular ones in a poll in a new thread and we can vote. The winner will get a weeks vacation in a place of their choosing(if someone volunteers the money) or else if that doesn't materialize they will have to settle for the designation of the coolest dude or dudette on the planet.







okay, In the interest of fairness some simple criteria for a posts inclusion in the final poll. I've ruled out all of my excellent posts for consideration.
  • The text has to be posted in here and a link to where it come from to keep people honest.
  • Has to be given the thumbs up by someone else in this thread.
  • the name of the person who wrote that post must also be quoted with the post to keep idenity's straight.
so far the nominations for the next round and the poll thread are the one above and these...

postrockpablo

Demon, you're so ****ing American..you're like Brett Favre throwing footballs across a pond in Wranglers jeans...only instead of Brett Favre, you're Patrick Swayze throwing natty light cans into the mouth of a 6 foot long, 150 pound bass driving a 1994 Thunderbird Supercoupe off a flaming ramp made of Miller Lite boxes and pride; wearing an evil kenievel jumpsuit and depending on a parachute made of beef jerky and dream catchers, all bound together by Indian tears.

Because you don't ****ing litter. That's why.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...weekend&page=3

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Quote: CrazyCoffey
I know alot about you, I know that you don't trim and you prefer briefs over thong underwear. You haven't touched yourself in years let alone spread your legs, yet you shave your armpits and bleach your upper lip. You stopped giving your husband head because you think it's gross and you are going to be surprised when you see his credit card bill includes a trip for two at a nice resturant last week and a hotel on the Plaza when he was supposed to be out of town on a business trip.

You want to make yourself feel better by getting involved with political discussion on this board because you can only hide so many snicker's bars and bottles of vodka around the house. What's that noise, oh the dryer just buzzed, better go fold the clothes.










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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs View Post
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX
And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us.

And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth.

And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line.

FAX





Quote:
Originally Posted by FAX
And the media did cry with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Herm, dost thou not avenge our losses and mighty concussions and embarrassments in post season?

And in the right hand of him that sat before the microphone was a book written within and without and sealed with seven seals. And behold, then did Herm sayeth in a voice like unto famine, This is thy playbook which I shalt destroy that no man may say that our offense shalt be a circus nor shalt one say evermore that our alignments be complex, for deserveth thee not! And the media wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon. And so did the fans cast dust on their heads, and rend their garments of red and gold, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas, the great offense, wherein were all made rich who had wagereth on the over under by reason of her touchdowns, for in this hour is she made desolate!

FAX





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http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=16

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man
I've pondered posting this before, but this seems like a good place for it.

Rules for Selecting A Urinal

If there is...

1 urinal present - Use it

2 urinals present - Use either

3 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 if you're the first person, as this gives the next visitor the option of keeping Urinal 2 between you. If you're the second person, obviously use either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3, whichever is unoccupied.

4 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 4 if you're the first person, as this gives the second visitor the opportunity to keep two urinals between you. If you're the second person, you should select the farthest urinal, though it is not a major faux pas if you select a urinal that is two away.

5 urinals present - If you're the first person, #1 and #5 are strongly preferred, though in reality you can pick #3 without being completely uncouth. If you're the second person, you must ALWAYS select a urinal that is as far away as possible, e.g., if the first person is at #1, you should go to #5, or it is permissible to be an even number of urinals away, e.g., #3 if the first person is at #1. It is a major faux pas to be an odd number of urinals away, e.g. #4 when the first person is at #1, UNLESS the first person has mistakenly selected an even-numbered urinal, in which case you are required to select the farthest urinal from that person.

6 urinals present - This one gets complicated. The first person arriving should select #1 or #6, though it is not a faux pas to select #3 or #4. If you're the second person arriving, you must go to either urinal #1 or #6, whichever is farthest from the first person. Person #3 must then claim either #1 or #6 if either is unoccupied, OR go to #3 or #4, their choice.

7 urinals - Person #1 must always select an odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7, but #3 and #5 are permissible. Person #2 should select the farthest urinal from Person #1, regardless of Person #1's choice. Person #3 then has the more complicated task, with a choice matrix as follows:

If the others are both at even-numbered urinals, claim the final remaining even-numbered urinal.

If the others are both at odd-numbered urinals, claim another odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7 if either is unoccupied.

If the others are at an odd-numbered urinal and an even-numbered urinal, then Person #3 should claim any urinal that is at least five urinals distant from them, and if that is not possible, then any urinal that is at least three distant. If that is not possible, then it means that the first two people have gone with a 1/6 or a 2/7 combination, which represents a major indiscretion on someone's part, in which case Person #3 needs to minimize the damage by going with either #3 or #4 in the first case, or #4 or #5 in the second case, and finish as quickly as possible.

I hope this helps.




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Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun
I've gotten some rep that could qualify as best posts ever.

This is one I got from Duck Dog earlier today (I'll let you deteremine if it was positive or negative rep):

You white liberals are the biggest problem facing our nation. Race trading, self-deprecating cowards.


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Quote: Originally Posted by KChiefsQT
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b3...fsQT/boobs.jpg

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Last edited by BigRedChief; 09-01-2009 at 07:08 PM..
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:00 AM   #2
ziggysocki ziggysocki is offline
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Who was first in with Carl Peterson leaving the Chiefs?
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:01 AM   #3
Scorp Scorp is offline
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I don't know about post but this thread reigns king ****. You couldn't make this shit up if you tried. I laugh out loud at just about every post. Epic.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=207737
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:02 AM   #4
Demonpenz Demonpenz is offline
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whenever iowianian goes off on someone is always a win for everyone.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:02 AM   #5
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scorp View Post
I don't know about post but this thread reigns king ****. You couldn't make this shit up if you tried. I laugh out loud at just about every post. Epic.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=207737
Best single post evah. Not thread. You fail and owe eveyone here a beer.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:05 AM   #6
ziggysocki ziggysocki is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonpenz View Post
whenever iowianian goes off on someone is always a win for everyone.
Yeah, Iowanian was laid some smack down... he pwnd badgirl's white trash girlfriend one night.... had me crackin up! Looking for the thread now...
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:07 AM   #7
Scorp Scorp is offline
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Fine I will go with this one then.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CCU2000 View Post
He got the legs, arm, and accuracy.

Let's get Thigggy with it!
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:07 AM   #8
Count Alex's Losses Count Alex's Losses is offline
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This one's good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs View Post
OK, so, to recap the fourth date of my tragic ****ing life:

I arrived 30 minutes early in order to survey the scene, to scout out other possible "jump" locations. As in "let's take this party to the martini bar on the other end of this shitty strip mall."

Anyway, upon arriving it was discovered that the Starbucks we were to meet at did NOT EXIST. It had been replaced by a little pizza joint. So I text her this information. 7 pm rolls around and she calls and is like "I'm gonna be late sorry." And I'm like "Uh this place is a pizza joint. Do you want to get a pie?" And she's like "Sure!"

So she shows up and she's very cute. She is wearing a horizontally striped, low-cut top that shows her nice cleavage. Not as hot as my last date, but definitely bangable. 5-6, 125 pounds, brunette, pretty eyes, nice tits. She smiles, I smile, we both think sexual thoughts.

We order a chicken roma spinach medium and two beers. This is the first time I have had beer since college. I had a Miller mother****in' Lite. It actually wasn't too bad.

We share good conversation. She likes horror films and wants to go see Drag Me To Hell. I inform her it is excellent cinema and file away this note for potential future dates.

She laughs at my stupid jokes and we make lots of eye contact. I lie and say she is hotter than my last date in order to indicate I am sexually attracted to her. 8:30 rolls around and she says, in a very sexy voice, "So, what are you doing the rest of the night?"

My pickup artist brain immediately screams "Say YOU! Say YOU you undersexed stud muffin!" I resist my cro-magnon urge and respond, "Nothing, we could go back to your place and hang out, watch a movie or something?" She agrees to this plan of action and our horny bodies exit the pizza place.

At this point I feel like kissing her. We walk around my car and I say, "I might get in a wreck and die on the way to your apartment. You should kiss me now." This is the smoothest line of my 27-year existence and it works. We kiss, and it ain't no peck on the cheek. We sucked face.

I get wood.

I am going to get laid. I am sure of it.

I follow her car from the parking lot, screaming at the assholes who are cutting me off, blocking my view of her car. I have to traverse Highway 249, make a right onto Beltway 8 and tail this hot bitch for 20 minutes. I have gotten lost many, many times and driving in Houston is a nightmare. I drive like a bat out of hell trying to follow the vagina in the white car in front of me.

We turn onto Beltway 8 and trundle along in tandem for about five miles. At this point we are approximately three quarters of the way to her place. Then she turns into a gas station. My first thought is she needs gas, and she parks in front of the pump (pump my cock, bitch). I pull in and park at the store.

She gets out of her car and starts for mine. Oh shit. Either I'm going to lose my virginity in the restroom of a 7 Eleven (I have six condoms in my right jean pocket, at least I don't need those shitty convenience store rubbers) or the shit just hits the fan.

I get out of my car and she explains that she has decided against ****ing me on this particular night. I attempt to haggle with her for a makeout session, but once a bitch's mind is made up, there is no return, as most of you well know, barring threats of violence. We agree that we should have a second date.

I say "are you gonna call me?" She replies, "Are you gonna call ME?" I take this as an indicator of interest. We kiss again, Crom flutters between my legs, and I grab her ass. She walks back to her car and I drive home.

At least I didn't get lost on the way home. I had never been in that part of town before. Oh, I have also never been in a vagina.

Date #4, in the books. Let's see if this one has the common ****ing courtesy to return my phone calls.
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Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:11 AM   #9
Demonpenz Demonpenz is offline
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RainMan needs to post one where he got pissed bout herman edwards. rainman seems like he is smart and funny so it is funny when he gets pissed off like. Ok there is no way herm would do this..what are you doing herm WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! Also rainmans post about how the government loses zillions of dollars but taxes him for making money cracks me up. Paraphrasing. Government, the less you tax me and get in my business the more money I make and give to you, maybe this is why you lose money.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:13 AM   #10
raybec 4 raybec 4 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs View Post
This one's good.
Really? He's asking for best ever and that's your first thought? Good Lord Man.
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raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.raybec 4 would the whole thing.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:37 AM   #11
Count Alex's Losses Count Alex's Losses is offline
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This one is simple yet well executed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoChiefs View Post














OR:

Quote:
Originally Posted by ENDelt260 View Post
I've got a keg of Miller Lite... I've got a shot glass.... after I finish dinner, I'm gonna start up Century Club and see how far past 100 I can go. I gotta at least make 130 or I owe my neighbor $20.

I'll see you ****ers later... blurrily.
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Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Alex's Losses is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:37 AM   #12
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I liked the one where FAX went totally off on someone....I don't remember who now, but it was classic. Some of the best insults I've ever read on the innernet. I think it was in a thread where he was talking about helping kids from Africa or something. I remember he used the term "miscreant" or something like that. Good stuff. And he was really pissed, not joking around.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:50 AM   #13
Donger Donger is offline
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Perhaps it's just me, but I can't think of one.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:52 AM   #14
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This thread is probably a good start. I'd like to see Rain Man's most repped posts, because I'm sure some of the best ever are in there somewhere.

My post from that thread....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearcat View Post
I know the feeling.. and sometimes I'll get rep for stuff I didn't think was that funny, while comedy GOLD gets nothing.


So, based on the amount of rep (there's better out there... much better)...

This one... Brock's quote was in reference to Midnight_Vulture's supposed fandom to USC.

Re: Herm getting fired (there's a second version somewhere)

This one.

Something about Orange Bowl kneepads blah blah blah

Peeing on the Arch... always funny.
I also have some good Herm rants, but who doesn't?
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Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.Bearcat has enough rep power to blowy ou to bits.
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Old 08-27-2009, 10:02 AM   #15
Molitoth Molitoth is offline
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It would have to be something by Rainman or FAX.
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Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.Molitoth threw an interception on a screen pass.
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