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Old 11-20-2009, 12:55 PM  
Dartgod Dartgod is offline
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Hate licking envelopes? Not any more!

I present to you....


Bacon flavored envelope adhesive!

Quote:
Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, thatís what.

Really, people? If we canít overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, itís only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, weíre happy to report that J&Dís Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopesô are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

Thatís right, bacon. Itís not real bacon, mind you, so you wonít have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isnít it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.
http://www.jdfoods.net/products/mmmvelopes.php
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:57 PM   #2
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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A small piece of sponge and a small glass of water works pretty damn well too if you're doing bulk.


After stuffing a couple of thousand bacon flavored envelops, even a foodaholic wouldn't be able to eat an baconator again.
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I said I'm an expert dickrider.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:00 PM   #3
CoMoChief CoMoChief is offline
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Got a Pit Bull problem in your neighborhood?

Soak up some bacon grease in a sponge and throw it over the fence where the Pit Bull lives.

No more Pit Bulls.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:04 PM   #4
Demonpenz Demonpenz is offline
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i had to google why you would want to send mail. I haven't sent mail for a decade
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:05 PM   #5
Tylerthigpen!1! Tylerthigpen!1! is offline
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never understood people's obsession with bacon
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Tylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking aboutTylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking aboutTylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking aboutTylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking aboutTylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking aboutTylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking aboutTylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking aboutTylerthigpen!1! is the dumbass Milkman is always talking about
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:06 PM   #6
seclark seclark is offline
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$6.99 for a pack of 25?
i'll just stick my Christmas cards in between a couple crisp slices of real bacon, thanks.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:07 PM   #7
Dartgod Dartgod is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demonpenz View Post
i had to google why you would want to send mail. I haven't sent mail for a decade
Because now it tastes like BACON!
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:08 PM   #8
Hydrae Hydrae is offline
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It is about time. I have wondered for years why we don't have better flavored envelopes. Of course nowadays we need scratch and sniff e-mail I suppose.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:29 PM   #9
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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* The Chiefs have more player-committed murder-suicides than playoff victories in the past two decades.

* During last year's meltdown against the Colts in the post season, it looked like the injuries slider was turned up to 100% and they were carting bodies off the field like they were filming B-roll for "The Strain".

* Brodie Croyle (!) is the only quarterback drafted by the team to start a game for them since the mid-80's...and he barely beat out Damon Huard in the process. Croyle then promptly lost all six of his starts. He couldn't even beat out Tyler Thigpen once he returned from injury.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:32 PM   #10
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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This product is offensive to Muslims.


I'm glad I don't work there....
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I said I'm an expert dickrider.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:37 PM   #11
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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You'd think the mailman's union would strongly oppose this. So now the mailman has to walk past dogs while smelling like bacon?
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:38 PM   #12
DMAC DMAC is offline
Sloppy with your drink?
 
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After the Bacon Explosion, nothing "bacon related" really shocks me anymore.
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DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.DMAC 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:56 PM   #13
Hydrae Hydrae is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
You'd think the mailman's union would strongly oppose this. So now the mailman has to walk past dogs while smelling like bacon?
Excellent point.

Leave it to Rainman to see things slightly differently than the rest of us.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:57 PM   #14
Dartgod Dartgod is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
You'd think the mailman's union would strongly oppose this. So now the mailman has to walk past dogs while smelling like bacon?
Oooooo! Good point! I could see a sudden increase of dog attacking mailman incidents if this idea takes off.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:59 PM   #15
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Given the dog-mailman connection, is this actually part of a nefarious terrorist plot to stop the mail and keep us from getting our CapitolOne ads and Crate & Barrel catalogs, thus grinding the economy to a halt? The fact that they're using bacon is likely a clue that they're trying to destroy us via the very things that they find unholy about our culture.
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