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Old 09-27-2010, 09:38 PM  
DJJasonp DJJasonp is offline
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Unexplained bowel movements at work stall

I call on the planet's wisdom for help...

At my work, we have a private men's bathroom that the public does not have access to. In this bathroom, there are two sit-down stalls. One is pretty narrow, and the other is pretty wide with enough space to stretch out, feel comfortable.....get the job done!

The problem lies with the bigger stall (the one everyone who has access wants to use).....

Someone, and I'm not sure who yet.....somehow "stains" the toilet. And we're not talking about the normal, what clorox might call "stubborn stains".....we're talking.....wait for it.......THE FRIGGIN' TOP OF THE SEAT!!!

It's not the top of the seat in the front (picture the upside down 'U' which is the seat......the stains are at the curved portion of the 'U').

These stains are significant enough (and they happen frequently enough) that this is definitely no accident!

Now...to the question of how this happens.....I've surmised only two possible scenarios as to how the stains appear on top of the toilet seat:

A) The offender-in-question somehow hovers over the seat, making no contact with said seat....and lets 'er rip....thus, initiating a "carpet bombing" effect.....OR

B) The offender-in-question has a yet-to-be-classified birth defect whereas the buttocks region contains a 2nd (or 3rd) butthole.....with a very unfortunate placement nearer the waistline, rather than the normal ground-zero area.

In addition to this, many times I'll visit this stall and find random, what I'll call "untidiness" on the seat. The only way I can explain it is that it looks like someone got naked, and rolled around in grass clippings or wiped a lint-screen on their butt somehow.

It makes, too often for my comfort, an unpleasant work bathroom experience.

Anyone else face these atrocities at work?

Should I put up a sign with instructions? Maybe some visual aids on how to and how not to....use the facilities?
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:47 PM   #2
ChiTown ChiTown is offline
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:49 PM   #3
Kyle DeLexus Kyle DeLexus is offline
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Whoever it is needs to start utilizing the A.C. Slater technique because right now they are dropping napalm
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Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:50 PM   #4
DJJasonp DJJasonp is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyle DeLexus View Post
Whoever it is needs to start utilizing the A.C. Slater technique
I'm intrigued....do tell!
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:54 PM   #5
Kyle DeLexus Kyle DeLexus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DJJasonp View Post
I'm intrigued....do tell!
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Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Kyle DeLexus Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:55 PM   #6
cdcox cdcox is offline
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This problem is easily solved. When you get to work in the morning, piss all over the toilet seat. Everyone will go to the smaller stall. When you need to poop, just wipe down the seat with TP (urine is sterile). When you finish your business, hose down the seat again in case you need to come back later in the day.
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Old 09-27-2010, 09:57 PM   #7
yhf yhf is offline
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The solution to your problem is quite simple. Don't shit while you are on the clock. Workday shitbreaks indicate poor work ethic.
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Old 09-27-2010, 10:03 PM   #8
Gadzooks Gadzooks is offline
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I’ve been known to leave a lint screen residue on warmer days. But it wasn’t me.
I prefer to poop alone on my personal throne.
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Old 09-27-2010, 10:03 PM   #9
DJJasonp DJJasonp is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yhf View Post
The solution to your problem is quite simple. Don't shit while you are on the clock. Workday shitbreaks indicate poor work ethic.
But that's where all the real important decisions are made at my work!
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Old 09-27-2010, 10:04 PM   #10
Delano Delano is offline
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DJJasonp! You wanted in on this poop
war from the start.
The outcast. The slut. The bitch. The
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Old 09-27-2010, 10:22 PM   #11
arrowheadnation arrowheadnation is offline
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Sounds like to me someone has a case of the screamin' Commanches or the green apple splatters if you will and they're prairie doggin' as they pull down their pants, they start fire hosing before they get sat down.
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Old 09-27-2010, 10:59 PM   #12
Chief Chief Chief Chief is offline
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Great...another poop thread.

OK, here's what you do: Check out the ceiling above the larger stall. If there's any way to position yourself in the ceiling with a viewing hole down to the toilet, then that's what you need to do. Be sure to take a camcorder so you can record visual evidence. Even if you're unable to get inside the ceiling, don't despair. If the ceiling is high enough, use your ingenuity to rig a contraption which will keep you up there. Don't worry about anyone seeing you -- no one ever looks upward while they're pooping. Remember to have your camcorder charged up and handy at all times. Good luck!
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Old 09-27-2010, 11:06 PM   #13
DA_T_84 DA_T_84 is offline
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VARSITY
Put a sign up that says-

"Hey, Asshole. Don't ****ing shit on the seat. And if you do, ****ing wipe it up, you worthless ****. I know who you are, and if it happens one more time, I will send an email from a fake account to the entire office that outs you. Think I'm joking? Try me."
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Old 09-27-2010, 11:11 PM   #14
chiefsnorth chiefsnorth is offline
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Some people are so fat they don't know precisely where the drop zone is..?
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Old 09-27-2010, 11:34 PM   #15
threebag02 threebag02 is offline
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I did roll out the paper and some asshat blew his nose and rolled the tissue back on the roll. Another time I got the dried booger on the unlock side of the stall lock. Gross mother****ers probably rub one out on their belly and go back to work.
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