Overheard on the Goldman Sachs Elevator

[ReynardMuldrake]

This is some funny shit...

An anonymous career banker inside Goldman Sachs opened a twitter account (@GSElevator) with the intention of revealing the hilarious banter that takes place in the privacy of the GS elevators. Since then, the account has evolved to include things overheard on trading floors, bullpens, lobbies and bars. Some of the conversations involve more than one person, and the participants are distinguishable by their number (#1, #2, #3). Here are some of my favorites from the past several months…

http://totalfratmove.com/769302

https://twitter.com/gselevator

[ReynardMuldrake]

[continued...]

#1: She’s only about 3 weeks of anorexia away from looking hot.
#2: Maybe 4.

#1: Can we please stop calling them ‘hipsters’ and go back to calling them ‘pussies?’

#1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, mother****er.

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… because if you’re good at lying, you’re good at everything.

#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.

#1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.

#1: Walking around the protesters outside makes me feel like how a black guy must feel in the gym shower.

#1: Age is just a number. The more important number is how hot she is out of 10.

#1: Hermes ties are like Jordans for white people.

#1: I don’t care how into the environment she says she is. No chick wants to be picked up in a Chevy Volt.

#1: Living my life is like playing Call of Duty on Easy. I just go around and **** shit up.

#1: Sober girls are the worst. So are really drunk ones… The sweet spot is 4 white wines and a Zanny.

#1: Bareback is the new 3rd base.

#1: **** that. When I was an analyst, I had to eat an entire ‘wasabi roll’. What we called team building, you pillowbitergots call bullying.

#1: Two weeks of family time. I’m ready for a FBT to let some bad out.
#2: FBT?
#1: Fake Business Trip.

#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.

#1: Fact. Nearly 50% of all American workers have less than $10k saved for retirement.
#2: ****. That wouldn’t cover a ski weekend.

#1: Anyone that puts CFA and MBA on their business card is a ****.

#1: Don’t bitch about your apartment. If you want a gated house on a golf course, go be some dogshit CFO in Cleveland.

#1: I asked him what his life goal is, and he said “to make the obituary in The Economist.”
#2: Great answer. Hired.

#1: From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

#1: My charity work begins & ends with black tie galas. And if drunk me is the highest bidder on a signed Springsteen guitar, so be it.

#1: Let’s get one thing straight. Mark Zuckerberg is a ****ing loser.

#1: Black Friday is the Special Olympics of capitalism.

#1: The only reason I have a home phone is so I can find my cell phone.
#2: Our maid does that.

#1: Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You’ll probably still make millions, but it’s just not the same.

[ZootedGranny]

[suzzer99]

Lol these are awesome.

[Fritz88]

The obituary in the economist was hilarious.
rofl

[Fish]

#1: From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

... yes...

[DaKCMan AP]

#1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, mother****er.

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… because if you’re good at lying, you’re good at everything.

#1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing its browser history.

#1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.

#1: Age is just a number. The more important number is how hot she is out of 10.

[notorious]

#1: Black Friday is the Special Olympics of capitalism



Milk meet nose.

[Amnorix]

Damn.

[Baby Lee]

#1: Holy shit, Da Knicks!
#2: No kidding. Haven't been this excited about a bunch of black guys since Boyz II Men played my Bar Mitzvah.



A#1: Hey asshole, which one of the P90X steps is it where you have to tell everyone in the ****ing office that you're doing it?

[DaKCMan AP]

Originally Posted by Baby Lee

#1: Holy shit, Da Knicks!
#2: No kidding. Haven't been this excited about a bunch of black guys since Boyz II Men played my Bar Mitzvah.

Would have been Awesome if Boyz II Men had played my Bar Mitzvah.

[Amnorix]

JFC.

#1: We're all God's children. Some of us just deserve a higher allowance.

#1: Banks paid back all the bailout money with interest. Remind me again when the unions paid back the auto bailout?

#1: It's sweet how my wife thinks the silent treatment is a punishment for me.

#1: Riding the subway reminds me why I am pro-choice.

[DJ's left nut]

My favorite:

#1: Only 55% of Americans between the ages of 16-29 have jobs. #2: **** them. They got that ass clown elected in the first place.

[Amnorix]

#1: Money might not buy happiness, but I'll take my ****ing chances.

[Amnorix]

#1: I'm going Roethlisbergering tonight.