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Old 09-12-2012, 09:25 PM  
CoMoChief CoMoChief is offline
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Emails From an A**hole...

These are really funny. Anyone seen these before?

A guy has bogus/fake email accounts and posts replies to Craigslist/classified type ads. Don't know how much of it is real as far as people's responses, but either way it's still funny. Read them at the link below...

http://www.dontevenreply.com/

I'll copy/paste the first one I to


Background story on this email is a guy posted an ad for needing a Japanese translator to help him understand a troubleshooting manual for a CD stereo he bought, but the manual is in Japanese and he can't read it.

That's where this asshole comes in, he starts ****ing with the guy by responding from multiple email accounts.


Glorious Master Translator
Posted at: 2012-04-23 17:29:34 | 481 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
I need someone who speaks japanese to help me translate something. wont take too long. please email me ASAP!

From Me to ************@***********.org:

Hi! You need Japanese translate? I Chan, I help you with translate.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

hey chan. so ok heres the deal. my cd player suddenly stopped working and i cant figure out why. for some reason the only manual i have is entirely in japanese. i took a pic of the page im pretty sure its the trouble shooting part. can you see if it says anything about no sound coming from the output?




From Me to Scott *******:

Ok, I find three thing may help you:

"Failure of Sound from Device"
"Skipping of disc for poor sound"
"Sound volume low very much"

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

umm..what does it say for the failure of sound one?

From Me to Scott *******:

"Hello and thank you for chose glorious master CD player! Apologies many for trouble of product. To fix failure of the sound, follow step:

1. Unplug glorious master CD player
2. Plug glorious master CD player back in"

I hope this help!

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

that doesnt help me at all. is that all it says?

From Me to Scott *******:

Oh no! Very sorry. There more steps to help you! Here:

"If still experience failure of the sound, your glorious master CD player possessed by audio demon. To banish audio demon, follow step:

1. Ignite seven candle
2. Pray to Benzaiten, Goddess of Music
3. Benzaiten will banish audio demon to eternal suffering
4. Try play CD again

If you fail banishing of audio demon, you failure. Much dishonor of family name. Suggest immediate death by Seppuku."

I hope you banish audio demon! Much luck.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf? does it really say that?

From Me to Scott *******:


I just translate what you give.

From Scott ******* to Me:

no way it says that. what kind of useless manual is this? how is that supposed to help anyone?

From Me to Scott *******:

Very sorry, audio demon big problem with many CD player! I have sword, much sharp, good for seppuku. You want borrow?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf are you talking about. an audio demon? this is BS. are you screwing with me?

From Scott ******* to Me:

did i send the wrong page? i think this is the table of contents. can you look at this and tell me which page is the troubleshooting one? then ill send you that one



From Me to Scott *******:

That no table of content, that Sushi take-out menu! Try #16, Spicy Salmon Roll! Much delicious!

From Scott ******* to Me:


..........ok buddy. thanks for nothing you jackass.


He then continues to do the same shit to the guy but with another email account


From Me to *********@*********.org:


Hey there,

I saw your ad and think I can help you. I majored in Japanese in college, speak it fluently, and lived in Miyazaki for two years.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

thanks so much mike. i was talking to someone else for help, but idk what his problem was. dude kept sending me all this BS. anyway my cd player isnt working and the manual is only in japanese so i need help reading the troubleshooting part. i think the attached picture is the table of contents, could you see if it says what page the troubleshooting part is on and then ill send you that?



From Me to Scott *******:

You sent me a sushi take-out menu. Are you sure you have the right documents?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf!!! i dont know what is going on! it has a picture of the cd player on the front and then this is the next page. why would they put a sushi menu in there?

From Me to Scott *******:

Japanese instruction manuals are not like the American manuals you are used to. They often include advertisements, and I guess in this case, a sushi menu. Looking at it closer, it says "Thank you for purchasing this glorious master CD player. Why not order sushi while you enjoy music?"

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

well that is dumb...whatever. i think this page is the troubleshooting part because of the tables. am i right? do you see anything about there not being any sound?



From Me to Scott *******:


Yes, this is the right page. It says to unplug it and plug it back in.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

yea i did that. nothing. is that it?

From Me to Scott *******:

Well, you're not gonna want to hear this, but it says your CD player is possessed by Amanojaku, or "audio demon." You should light three candles and pray to Benzaiten, the god of music.

Mike

From Me to Scott *******:

Scott? Were you able to banish the audio demon?


Last edited by CoMoChief; 09-12-2012 at 09:31 PM..
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:12 AM   #31
frankotank frankotank is offline
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wow. what a great find.
there goes todays productivity!
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:33 AM   #32
Dayze Dayze is offline
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the special weapons one was killer.

"If you look closely, you'll notice..."
"Still thirsty for justice"..."
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:42 AM   #33
Luke Warm Luke Warm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayze View Post
the special weapons one was killer.

"If you look closely, you'll notice..."
"Still thirsty for justice"..."
This is my favorite one ...."you can pour your enemies a cup full of lead"

EVERY SINGLE ONE is ****ing hilarious. Not one has been remotely close to being unfunny.
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:51 AM   #34
J Diddy J Diddy is offline
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Unfunny.
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:54 AM   #35
Luke Warm Luke Warm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J Diddy View Post
Unfunny.
Great. So this should be your last post in here. Good riddance.
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Old 09-13-2012, 09:58 AM   #36
Der Flöprer Der Flöprer is offline
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I've only read the first one so far, but that is the hardest I've laughed in a long, long, time. ****ing brilliant!

Sushi menu...
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:00 AM   #37
ChiTown ChiTown is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J Diddy View Post
I have no sense of humor.
FYP
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:05 AM   #38
Luke Warm Luke Warm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts View Post
I've only read the first one so far, but that is the hardest I've laughed in a long, long, time. ****ing brilliant!

Sushi menu...
Get used to hardcore laughing because you'll be doing LOTS of it.
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Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Luke Warm < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:19 AM   #39
Der Flöprer Der Flöprer is offline
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None of them are as good as the first one yet, but there is some funny shit on that site.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:20 AM   #40
saphojunkie saphojunkie is offline
MVP
 
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This is ceaselessly entertaining.


For awhile I was putting up craigslist ads for bizarre shit just to see what people would respond. Basically trying to get crazies to come to me. It was fun.

My favorite ad was where I was looking for a black friend, because I wanted to broaden my horizons. I attached a pic of myself as a 19 year old blonde. That good some good run.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:46 AM   #41
vailpass vailpass is offline
Yah Mules!
 
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Oh my god
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:47 AM   #42
vailpass vailpass is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts View Post
I've only read the first one so far, but that is the hardest I've laughed in a long, long, time. ****ing brilliant!

Sushi menu...
Best part is he backs it with a second, completely different character, and confirms the audio demon. f'ing hilarious.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:48 AM   #43
Der Flöprer Der Flöprer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vailpass View Post
Best part is he backs it with a second, completely different character, and confirms the audio demon. f'ing hilarious.
That's exactly where I lost it. ****ing brilliant.
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:12 AM   #44
CoMoChief CoMoChief is offline
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The Horse Glue Factory one is hilarious too.
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:17 AM   #45
Luke Warm Luke Warm is offline
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I just read "Be A Man"
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