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Old 12-16-2012, 08:11 PM  
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I'm Adam Lanza's mother. It’s time for a meaningful conversation about mental illness

This is all over the internet and emailed back and forth. But, maybe you have missed it and its a must read.

Written by Liza Long, republished from The Blue Review

Friday’s horrific national tragedy -- the murder of 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut -- has ignited a new discussion on violence in America. In kitchens and coffee shops across the country, we tearfully debate the many faces of violence in America: gun culture, media violence, lack of mental health services, overt and covert wars abroad, religion, politics and the way we raise our children. Liza Long, a writer based in Boise, says it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

While every family's story of mental illness is different, and we may never know the whole of the Lanza's story, tales like this one need to be heard -- and families who live them deserve our help.

Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”

“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”

“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan -- they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn’t have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he’s in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He’s in a good mood most of the time. But when he’s not, watch out. And it’s impossible to predict what will set him off.

Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30-1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18.

The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, “Look, Mom, I’m really sorry. Can I have video games back today?”

“No way,” I told him. “You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.”

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,” he said. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.”

That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.
“Where are you taking me?” he said, suddenly worried. “Where are we going?”

“You know where we are going,” I replied.

“No! You can’t do that to me! You’re sending me to hell! You’re sending me straight to hell!”

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waiving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. “Call the police,” I said. “Hurry.”

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I’m still stronger than he is, but I won’t be for much longer.
The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork -- “Were there any difficulties with… at what age did your child… were there any problems with.. has your child ever experienced.. does your child have…”

At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You’ll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.

For days, my son insisted that I was lying -- that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, “I hate you. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here.”

By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I’ve heard those promises for years. I don’t believe them anymore.

On the intake form, under the question, “What are your expectations for treatment?” I wrote, “I need help.”

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am James Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.

When I asked my son’s social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail,” he said. “That’s the only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges.”

I don’t believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael’s sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn’t deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise -- in fact, the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population.

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill -- Rikers Island, the LA County Jail and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation’s largest treatment centers in 2011.

No one wants to send a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.”

I agree that something must be done. It’s time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That’s the only way our nation can ever truly heal.

God help me. God help Michael. God help us all
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:19 PM   #31
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JFC.

This mother should have had her children put in foster homes and the affected son put in a state facility.

I'm sorry, but if a child in my home is pulling knives and other shit, effectively putting my other children not only in harms way but deathly danger, that kid is out.

She acted irresponsibly.
So at 13 years old due to the way he was born, he has to remain in jail for the rest of his life?
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I believe Hitler hated Jews and had a lot of them killed. I dont believe it was anywhere close to 6 million though. I'm not an anti-semite; I just think that number has been severely inflated and there is a lot of evidence that supports this belief.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:20 PM   #32
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:25 PM   #33
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So at 13 years old due to the way he was born, he has to remain in jail for the rest of his life?
What was he born with?
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:26 PM   #34
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So at 13 years old due to the way he was born, he has to remain in jail for the rest of his life?
Jail? No.

Mental ward, institution, whatever it takes? Yes.

You don't let a kid that pulls a knife on his mother in a public school, especially when he's mentally ill.

And mental illness goes far beyond chemical imbalances. It routinely feature missing chromosomes and until there's gene therapy available for those people, they'll always have problems.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:31 PM   #35
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What was he born with?
mental illness?
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Originally Posted by MTG#10 View Post
I believe Hitler hated Jews and had a lot of them killed. I dont believe it was anywhere close to 6 million though. I'm not an anti-semite; I just think that number has been severely inflated and there is a lot of evidence that supports this belief.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:34 PM   #36
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mental illness?
What was he born with specifically?
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:37 PM   #37
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What was he born with specifically?
WTF are you asking me?
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I believe Hitler hated Jews and had a lot of them killed. I dont believe it was anywhere close to 6 million though. I'm not an anti-semite; I just think that number has been severely inflated and there is a lot of evidence that supports this belief.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:51 PM   #38
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WTF are you asking me?
Just pointing out that people are not necessarily born with mental illness. In fact very few are diagnosed in childhood and those are the developmental disorders. (There are others but not the type that cause such serious behavior issues like we are speaking about). Therefore, to say someone is only locked up because of what they born with is wrong.

The conditions that warrant such drastic measures are not the ones a person is born with. They develop over time from psychosocial factors. But certainly some individuals are at greater risk than others due to genetic factors.

All that said, locking them up for anything of an extended period of time is absolutely the wrong thing to do.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:54 PM   #39
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Just pointing out that people are not necessarily born with mental illness. In fact very few are diagnosed in childhood and those are the developmental disorders. Therefore, to say someone is only locked up because of what they born with is wrong.

The conditions that warrant such drastic measures are not the ones a person is born with. They develop over time from psychosocial factors. But certainly some individuals are at greater risk than others due to genetic factors.

All that said, locking them up for anything of an extended period of time is absolutely the wrong thing to do.
Whatever dude, you could have just posted that instead of making me answer two of your stupid questions.

The point is that its not any fault of their own.
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I believe Hitler hated Jews and had a lot of them killed. I dont believe it was anywhere close to 6 million though. I'm not an anti-semite; I just think that number has been severely inflated and there is a lot of evidence that supports this belief.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:55 PM   #40
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This is overly simplified but the difference between difficult and troubled kids that are simply struggling at school and making friends with negative behavior that is mostly controlled and those that end up in and out of clinics due to violent and threatening behavior and being excessively destructive is parenting/support systems.
Its not that simple. Sometimes, kids are simply born psychopaths, defective from the womb, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

The Columbine killers are actually a good example of this, the parents knew the kids were crazy, and they did every single thing you'd ever expect them to do. Treatment and attention early, lots and lots of therapy, etc.

Unfortunately, and no one knew this at the time, the kids were psychopaths. There was nothing wrong with how they were raised, they were just born that way. Born evil. The only thing they learned in therapy, was how to behave to make everyone believe they were well. They carefully kept up that facade until it was time to shoot up the joint. A lot of people condemned those Columbine parents, but after the investigation was over, the police and investigators were very sympathetic with their plight.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:57 PM   #41
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So at 13 years old due to the way he was born, he has to remain in jail for the rest of his life?
depends on exactly what it is. If its something treatable, then no.

If he is a violent psychopath, then yes. You can't cure that.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:00 PM   #42
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Whatever dude, you could have just posted that instead of making me answer two of your stupid questions.

The point is that its not any fault of their own.
I just didn't know if you differentiated between those that develop and those that they are born with. It is still wrong to say it's no fault of their own. Things are more difficult for these types of individuals but these troubled kids are still making matters worse by their own actions. Lots of kids grow up in tough circumstances but they don't all develop mental illness that is so secure as to be able to be diagnosed.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:01 PM   #43
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Its not that simple. Sometimes, kids are simply born psychopaths, defective from the womb, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

The Columbine killers are actually a good example of this, the parents knew the kids were crazy, and they did every single thing you'd ever expect them to do. Treatment and attention early, lots and lots of therapy, etc.

Unfortunately, and no one knew this at the time, the kids were psychopaths. There was nothing wrong with how they were raised, they were just born that way. Born evil. The only thing they learned in therapy, was how to behave to make everyone believe they were well. They carefully kept up that facade until it was time to shoot up the joint. A lot of people condemned those Columbine parents, but after the investigation was over, the police and investigators were very sympathetic with their plight.
sounds like the same situation the author finds herself in. How many more ticking human bomb's are out there?

And does it escalate in their minds? If killing kindergarteners was evil, could those ticking time bombs be thinking, what could be even more evil?
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I believe Hitler hated Jews and had a lot of them killed. I dont believe it was anywhere close to 6 million though. I'm not an anti-semite; I just think that number has been severely inflated and there is a lot of evidence that supports this belief.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:04 PM   #44
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sounds like the same situation the author finds herself in. How many more ticking human bomb's are out there?
No, it doesn't.

She knows her child is mentally ill but doctors haven't been able to confirm what he's suffering from, whether it autism, Asperger's, etc.

She KNOWS. That's far different from a psycho or sociopath.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:07 PM   #45
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No, it doesn't.

She knows her child is mentally ill but doctors haven't been able to confirm what he's suffering from, whether it autism, Asperger's, etc.

She KNOWS. That's far different from a psycho or sociopath.
yes, everyone agress there is a big differnece from a sociopath and others. Sociopath's just need to be locked up forever. They can't be fixed and are a threat to others.
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I believe Hitler hated Jews and had a lot of them killed. I dont believe it was anywhere close to 6 million though. I'm not an anti-semite; I just think that number has been severely inflated and there is a lot of evidence that supports this belief.
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