Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Jim Jones]

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.

[Fat Elvis]

It would be really interesting to find out how many divorcees are telling him that he can't trust her when he was the one who was snooping.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by jd1020

I'm sure if you were around in-laws you didn't like you would barge in saying, "I ****ing hate you lazy, annoying, terrible cooking, white trash red necks!".... because you aren't "fake."

You'd be surprised the number of family gatherings that end up with a fist-fight or 3...alcohol-feuled family gatherings are just like watching the latest WWE episode. You can guess who, after downing a couple of Jack Daniels laden drinks, will start the free-for-all with a "kind" word about another family member.

Some of them are no more than word-fights, other are classics that are destined to end up on YouTube.

[frazod]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

FYP. You're all a bunch of insecure pillowbiters. She doesn't like your Mom's cooking? Boo-frigging-hoo. And guess what? Your sister's kid is probably really annoying.

Be glad that she is civil with your family. At least she makes an effort to do that. And guess what...she probably does that because she loves you.

If I were her, I would dump your sorry ass in a heartbeat if I found our your were reading my private text messages without my permission.

You're the one with the problem. Not her.

Holy crap, I don't even want to think about what kind of bitch you must be married to.

[something cooler]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

It would be really interesting to find out how many divorcees are telling him that he can't trust her when he was the one who was snooping.

I don't think they'll ever be able to trust each other at all

both sides

[something cooler]

Originally Posted by jd1020

I'm sure if you were around in-laws you didn't like you would barge in saying, "I ****ing hate you lazy, annoying, terrible cooking, white trash red necks!".... because you aren't "fake."

there must not be alcohol at your family gatherings.

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by jd1020

I'm sure if you were around in-laws you didn't like you would barge in saying, "I ****ing hate you lazy, annoying, terrible cooking, white trash red necks!".... because you aren't "fake."

of course not, but the key is that she is talking shit about them to her family.

that's the line

People meet someone they don't particularly like all the time and are polite and civil ... pretending to get along.

but in this instance, they are engaged and she should have enough respect/restraint to not talk shit and trash the loved ones of the man is going to marry.

maybe the all do it

but she got caught and he is going to remember those texts EACH TIME they are around his family.

maybe it can work ... depends on his ability to overlook it.


Many people wouldn't be able overlook it and resent would develop.

not fair but it's life

[seclark]

i don't even read my own text messages.
sec

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

It would be really interesting to find out how many divorcees are telling him that he can't trust her when he was the one who was snooping.

I would ask....why would she want to put in writing what he can see, whether snooping or not?

If she didn't want him to see it then why not just delete the text after sending it? Makes you wonder...

[Saul Good]

There is nothing wrong with her not liking your family as long as she is nice to them. Hell, it speaks to her character that she spends time with them and hides her dislike so well that you had no idea that she didn't like them. She isn't engaged to them. All she has to do is get through several family outings a year, and she can go on her merry way.

You, on the other hand, are creepy. I've met several people who do stuff like this, and they are all insecure, immature people who can't handle adult relationships. You aren't ready for marriage.

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by Argo

never shoulda read those f****** messages

yep ... don't go looking unless you are ready to deal with shit you didn't really want to see.

[something cooler]

Relationships would be much easier if text messages would just delete themselves automatically.

[Dave Lane]

Originally Posted by Laz

yep ... don't go looking unless you are ready to deal with shit you didn't really want to see.

And I guarantee if she went thru all his unedited messages she'd be all pissed off too.

[CJizzles]

Originally Posted by Argo

Relationships would be much easier if text messages would just delete themselves automatically.

Or texting didn't exist.

[jd1020]

Originally Posted by Dave Lane

And I guarantee if she went thru all his unedited messages she'd be all pissed off too.

If she saw this thread his ass would be out on the street already.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by Saul Good

There is nothing wrong with her not liking your family as long as she is nice to them. Hell, it speaks to her character that she spends time with them and hides her dislike so well that you had no idea that she didn't like them. She isn't engaged to them. All she has to do is get through several family outings a year, and she can go on her merry way.

I disagree....she isn't hiding her dislike for the family. She is putting it out there to be seen. Hiding it is telling NO ONE including her family. But instead she told another and no one keeps a secret like that. Somewhere along the way something happens in the relationship and the sister will feel compelled to speak out of turn and it all goes south from there.

If you think the sister will keep her mouth shut, you're mistaken.