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Old 12-23-2012, 11:52 PM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:50 PM   #301
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
You keep using this word duplicity...

She isn't set to marry the in-laws...
When you marry you get the whole family....

So you think she was being completely honest with him?
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:53 PM   #302
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
You keep using this word duplicity...

She isn't set to marry the in-laws...
If they have widely divergent opinions on his family, they're not compatible. Period.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:53 PM   #303
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alpha_omega View Post
This may have already been covered ( i haven't read the whole thing), but is Jim Jones paying her phone bill? If so, then he has the right to read the texts. If not...better be careful.
They are in a committed. Stuff like this is not off limits.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:55 PM   #304
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
If they have widely divergent opinions on his family, they're not compatible. Period.
Are you saying that every married couple likes 100% of their in-laws?
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:55 PM   #305
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
If they have widely divergent opinions on his family, they're not compatible. Period.
Not true.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:55 PM   #306
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**** this shit. The bitch sits around the ****ing house getting railed by anyone who knocks on the ****ing door. She is probably talking shit to her family about your family on her phone while Victor the neighbors lawn guy strokes her from behind. While everyone is saucing her dumplings during the day. You come home to a pile of ****ing laundry, Victors sandwich plate and her crusty tbacks. After you clean the joint up you have to get your own beer and eat a ****ing hungry man tv dinner. Before bed you flow chowder down the shower drain but tomorrow Big Nasty KCnut is blasting butter across her chin.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:56 PM   #307
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
Are you saying that every married couple likes 100% of their in-laws?
If they have WIDELY divergent opinions on his family...

Please, I beg you, READ before you respond.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:56 PM   #308
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
If they have WIDELY divergent opinions on his family...

Please, I beg you, READ before you respond.
Can't get much wider than like and dislike.

So answer the question...
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:56 PM   #309
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alpha_omega View Post
This may have already been covered ( i haven't read the whole thing), but is Jim Jones paying her phone bill? If so, then he has the right to read the texts. If not...better be careful.
Only if she is like 13 years old....
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:57 PM   #310
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:58 PM   #311
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I think the thing being lost here is that in-law relationships vary widely.

Some people may find themselves spending many weekdays/weekends around their in-laws, while others may only interact with in-laws on a few occasions per year. That plays a big part in how bit of a deal it is that she doesn't like them. If she hates them, but only has to put on a friendly front 4 times per year, is it really going to impact the relationship?

Clearly everyone is adding their opinion based on personal experience, which may or may not mirror their situation.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:58 PM   #312
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Originally Posted by Argo View Post
Not true.
I'd they have a large gap in their feelings one of them is going to have to give up more than what they are comfortable with. That leads to regret and resentment.

I'm not suggesting they have to be in lock-step. Everybody in a relationship has disagreements. But if their fundamental views of his family are that far off, a bit of compromise won't be enough.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:00 PM   #313
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Most women hate their mother in laws well most guys love their moms.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:01 PM   #314
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I would confront her whether it's the right thing or not. In fact, I would break up with her for it. But that's just me.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:02 PM   #315
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
Can't get much wider than like and dislike.

So answer the question...
Nothing in my post says ANYTHING about her liking 100% of his family. NOTHING.

I don't know what the **** your problem is today but apparently it's affecting your ability to read and comprehend.

Let me make this more simple.

If she likes his family 30% and he likes them 70%, they have a potentially fixable situation. If she likes his family 10% and he likes them 80, it's a lost cause.
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