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Old 12-23-2012, 11:52 PM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:03 PM   #316
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Nothing in my post says ANYTHING about her liking 100% of his family. NOTHING.

I don't know what the **** your problem is today but apparently it's affecting your ability to read and comprehend.

Let me make this more simple.

If she likes his family 30% and he likes them 70%, they have a potentially fixable situation. If she likes his family 10% and he likes them 80, it's a lost cause.
This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:03 PM   #317
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
I don't ****ing care what you think.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:05 PM   #318
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Originally Posted by jspchief View Post
Some people may find themselves spending many weekdays/weekends around their in-laws, while others may only interact with in-laws on a few occasions per year. That plays a big part in how bit of a deal it is that she doesn't like them. If she hates them, but only has to put on a friendly front 4 times per year, is it really going to impact the relationship?
It will eventually affect the relationship, especially when it comes to kids.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:07 PM   #319
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
I don't ****ing care what you think.
Uh oh. We're incompatible.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:08 PM   #320
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Uh oh. We're incompatible.
Sure looks like it.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:08 PM   #321
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Originally Posted by Jim Jones View Post
- Yes, the relationship is going very well and yes, she puts on a great front. No coldness or awkwardness at all. Which is why this is so shocking to me.

- Yes, the alternative is basically sit back and do nothing. Which seems wrong to me.
Your biggest question is do you really know your fiancée? Most women change after marriage and lots of men are duped by an act during engagement.

So, yes confront her. Don't worry about checking her phone. That is not a huge deal. Deceiving you and being dishonest is a much bigger deal than invading privacy.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:10 PM   #322
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Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
Can't get much wider than like and dislike.

So answer the question...
You're asking him to answer your question but I don't see an answer to my question that I asked you...so I will repeat it:

Is she being honest with him?
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:12 PM   #323
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Originally Posted by Mosbonian View Post
You're asking him to answer your question but I don't see an answer to my question that I asked you...so I will repeat it:

Is she being honest with him?
I have no proof that she's ever lied to him about liking his family, so...
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:12 PM   #324
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by Mosbonian View Post
You're asking him to answer your question but I don't see an answer to my question that I asked you...so I will repeat it:

Is she being honest with him?
Not to take this thread on a tangent but who the hell are you?

You have 7k posts and I don't remember a single 1 before today.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:14 PM   #325
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
I have no proof that she's ever lied to him about liking his family, so...
So basically you're whole stance on this issue is that the OP is (potentially) making all this up?

Not real conducive to discussion but I guess I see your point...
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:14 PM   #326
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Bingo. I have nothing to hide and neither does my wife. If she wants to read my msgs, all she has to do is ask. The same goes for me. And she has. And she will again. And not a single **** will be given about me handing over my phone to her.
This. I don't care. I actually prefer my wife to snoop through my stuff. Bc I don't vent to people. I will tell her to her face and use my lack of venting as an excuse and I think she appreciates that. I tell my wife that a lot of husbands don't tell their wives things bc they don't think their wives can handle it. I tell her that I respect her and I'm going to tell her the truth even if it pisses her off bc I think she can handle it rationally and not be a nut bag.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:15 PM   #327
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
So basically you're whole stance on this issue is that the OP is (potentially) making all this up?

Not real conducive to discussion but I guess I see your point...
Not sure how you connect those dots.
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:15 PM   #328
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Not to take this thread on a tangent but who the hell are you?

You have 7k posts and I don't remember a single 1 before today.
LOL.....mmaddog.....
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:17 PM   #329
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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Originally Posted by jd1020 View Post
Not sure how you connect those dots.
You said you don't have any proof she was lying. Well, technically we don't have proof that she has done ANYTHING.

What we have is the story of a guy who was paranoid to read his fiancé's text messages without her knowledge...
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Old 12-24-2012, 01:17 PM   #330
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I have no proof that she's ever lied to him about liking his family, so...
Hmmm....guess that part about him being astonished at her attitude toward his family was glossed over?
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