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Old 12-23-2012, 11:52 PM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:58 AM   #61
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Old 12-24-2012, 03:21 AM   #62
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Originally Posted by Touchdown Kansas City !!! View Post
When they are all together say stuff like, Mom you are the best cook in the world, then look at them and say "Don't you agree?" and just watch their faces.
This. Maybe you can pick up a tell in the process.
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Old 12-24-2012, 03:25 AM   #63
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I would confront her. That said, don't. Not yet anyway. Wait until after the holidays. No need to make it awkward for the both of you now. You'll just be ridiculously critical of everything she does all Xmas.


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Old 12-24-2012, 03:45 AM   #64
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What's the alternative? Sit back, say nothing, and watch her be completely false with your family?
Huh? You don't make nice with people you don't like because it's easier or as a favour to someone else?
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:07 AM   #65
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Wait until after Christmas then break it off. Immediately thereafter, find a psychiatrist because snooping into your fiance's private communications is not healthy. Neither is it normal. If you don't completely and entirely trust the person with whom you are planning to spend the rest of your freaking entire life, you are with the wrong person and your "trust issues" need some work, man.

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Old 12-24-2012, 04:13 AM   #66
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Wait until after Christmas then break it off. Immediately thereafter, find a psychiatrist because snooping into your fiance's private communications is not healthy. Neither is it normal. If you don't completely and entirely trust the person with whom you are planning to spend the rest of your freaking entire life, you are with the wrong person and your "trust issues" need some work, man.

FAX

I disagree. Not only is it healthy to check this stuff its a good way to keep people honest. If the other gets upset its because they were doing something wrong. Good luck OP, I would never get married to woman on this planet because they're all liars, but that's because I ain't met one that didn't.
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:24 AM   #67
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I can't imagine what it would be like to be married (assumably in love and sharing your life) with someone I couldn't completely trust. It would make me very uncomfortable. Spending your days in some degree of paranoia would drive me crazy.

But, if that's how you want to live your life, who am I to say otherwise? Good luck.

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Old 12-24-2012, 04:24 AM   #68
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Oh ... one more thing.

You're wrong about all women being liars. That is simply untrue.

FAX
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:29 AM   #69
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Oh ... one more thing.

You're wrong about all women being liars. That is simply untrue.

FAX
I've yet to meet one that isn't Mr. FAX.
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:39 AM   #70
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Wow. Are you talking about serious lying like say ... "No, I didn't screw your brother."? ... or are you talking about stuff like, "No, I didn't put salt in the soup."?

What exactly are we talking about here?

You guys are freaking me out a little.

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Old 12-24-2012, 04:45 AM   #71
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Wow. Are you talking about serious lying like say ... "No, I didn't screw your brother."? ... or are you talking about stuff like, "No, I didn't put salt in the soup."?

What exactly are we talking about here?

You guys are freaking me out a little.

FAX
Unfortunately in my experience its closer to brother ****er than soup ****er-upper.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:06 AM   #72
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Wow.

I don't know what to say ... and that is pretty unusual for me ... so I'll say this.

I can't fathom a good reason to maintain a relationship with someone who is not truthful. I can see why some guys might marry some deceitful hag, of course ... they want companionship of any sort, someone to make their sammiches, and it may make getting laid a little more convenient sometimes (all completely stupid reasons to get married, by the way).

But, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when I would have preferred the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX had lied to me. Since I've known her, she never has and I would have found out by now, for certain. And, if she ever did, as much as it would hurt, that would be the last conversation we ever shared and the last she saw of me would be through my car exhaust. First off, it would break our solemn and mutual promise to each other and secondly, I couldn't live with somebody who thought it was acceptable to lie to me about ... well ... about anything, really. I mean, what's the point?

How could you stand to be around that person? Let alone hold affection for them?

I feel for you guys if that's what you have come to believe ... that all women lie and none can be completely open and honest. Whether it's true or not in your experience, that has to be a damn difficult way to co-exist with a person.

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Old 12-24-2012, 05:20 AM   #73
Flachief58 Flachief58 is offline
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No matter what you do, this is how this will turn out.

I hope that idiot burned it off. That dumbass should not be allowed to reproduce
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:27 AM   #74
Mr. Flopnuts Mr. Flopnuts is offline
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Sounds like you both have some issues that need addressing.

However, it's certainly easier to address them with a fiance who'll just go away than a wife who'll go away with half your shit.
Oh, hell yes! Do this now. Don't ****ing wait until you're married. Will she be pissed? Of course. And when she throws that shit in your face, make sure you let her know that you'll be happy to address her concerns right after she addresses yours. I would also drop her off at her parents house, and go over to yours on your own. What I wouldn't do is tell your family about it if you still plan on marrying her.

No, I wouldn't just eat that. I love my family, and they are awesome to my wife. Always have been. If I'd heard some shit like that before we got married, I'm not sure we'd be married now. You're not in the wrong, dude.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:28 AM   #75
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You could let your family in on what she had said in the txt messages. Have them be exra nice & anoying while she is there. You will likely see a lot of facial expressions from her to be entertained with. On the way home she will most likely break it off with you and your are free & clear.
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