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Old 12-23-2012, 11:52 PM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:28 AM   #76
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If you wed and have children she would turn them against your family. That would not be good. It would be a source of great frustration to everyone. She needs to grow up and stop the petty behavior.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:33 AM   #77
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Originally Posted by frazod View Post
You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.
This is actually an even better post from Frazod, but he is nailing it here. She's a great liar. Yuuuu*******.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:40 AM   #78
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Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts View Post
This is actually an even better post from Frazod, but he is nailing it here. She's a great liar. Yuuuu*******.
Yup that's why I would use this bit of info he's discovered to try and get a read on a tell she might have. This way you can identify if she is lying about anything else.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:49 AM   #79
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Originally Posted by mdchiefsfan View Post
Yup that's why I would use this bit of info he's discovered to try and get a read on a tell she might have. This way you can identify if she is lying about anything else.
Yeah, I'd just dump her. Red flags are up. But hey, different strokes, for different folks.

My wife and I have an open relationship. Not like that, freaks. We don't delete emails, or texts and have each others passwords to everything. I don't know if my wife checks my shit, and she doesn't know if I check hers. Because we have nothing to hide from each other.

How did that come about you ask? We've asked each other to pull something up for us at one time or another, and given each other our passwords. We have nothing to hide. And frankly, I thought that was perfectly normal. You guys are making me think it may not be. I don't care. We've been together for 10 years, without kids, so nothing is "keeping" us together. We love each other. That said, it didn't start until a couple of years into our marriage, so we'd been together for 4-5 years. I'm sure that's part of it.

As Mr. Fax said, there are times it would be much easier if we could just lie to one another, but our relationship doesn't work that way. It's called life. It's a roller coaster. Hold on tight.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:59 AM   #80
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Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts View Post
Yeah, I'd just dump her. Red flags are up. But hey, different strokes, for different folks.

My wife and I have an open relationship. Not like that, freaks. We don't delete emails, or texts and have each others passwords to everything. I don't know if my wife checks my shit, and she doesn't know if I check hers. Because we have nothing to hide from each other.

How did that come about you ask? We've asked each other to pull something up for us at one time or another, and given each other our passwords. We have nothing to hide. And frankly, I thought that was perfectly normal. You guys are making me think it may not be. I don't care. We've been together for 10 years, without kids, so nothing is "keeping" us together. We love each other. That said, it didn't start until a couple of years into our marriage, so we'd been together for 4-5 years. I'm sure that's part of it.

As Mr. Fax said, there are times it would be much easier if we could just lie to one another, but our relationship doesn't work that way. It's called life. It's a roller coaster. Hold on tight.
Oh I definitely have a girl that I can completely trust, but she is very talented at lying. But, who am I kidding? I am very good at it too. I don't have anything to hide and neither does she. Like you, we have passwords to each other's things and that stuff.

But in reference as to why I wouldn't dump her, I guess, since I am profound liar I have a morbid curiosity when I am being lied to, I enjoy seeing how far the rabbit hole goes. Plus it could all just turn out that this is the only thing she is lying about and it could be worked out.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:05 AM   #81
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mdchiefsfan View Post
Oh I definitely have a girl that I can completely trust, but she is very talented at lying. But, who am I kidding? I am very good at it too. I don't have anything to hide and neither does she. Like you, we have passwords to each other's things and that stuff.

But in reference as to why I wouldn't dump her, I guess, since I am profound liar I have a morbid curiosity when I am being lied to, I enjoy seeing how far the rabbit hole goes. Plus it could all just turn out that this is the only thing she is lying about and it could be worked out.
You bring up a great point. I am a great liar, my wife is not. She's ****ing horrible at it. I have a God given gift of being able to read body language, eye movement, and whatnot. So, I also am interested by that. I work in sales, where I give a sales presentation daily. I see people lying to me all the time. It's also a lot of fun to play around with those lies, and call them out while still getting someone to spend 20k with me. It's better than poker. Really, it's liar's poker.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:06 AM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts View Post
Yeah, I'd just dump her. Red flags are up. But hey, different strokes, for different folks.

My wife and I have an open relationship. Not like that, freaks. We don't delete emails, or texts and have each others passwords to everything. I don't know if my wife checks my shit, and she doesn't know if I check hers. Because we have nothing to hide from each other.

How did that come about you ask? We've asked each other to pull something up for us at one time or another, and given each other our passwords. We have nothing to hide. And frankly, I thought that was perfectly normal. You guys are making me think it may not be. I don't care. We've been together for 10 years, without kids, so nothing is "keeping" us together. We love each other. That said, it didn't start until a couple of years into our marriage, so we'd been together for 4-5 years. I'm sure that's part of it.

As Mr. Fax said, there are times it would be much easier if we could just lie to one another, but our relationship doesn't work that way. It's called life. It's a roller coaster. Hold on tight.
Outside of the fact that we have a couple of kids, my wife and I are just like you.

As for the OP, you are in a catch 22. Reading those text messages is a trust issue. On the other hand, there are 3 things that couples fight about at a fundamental level and one of those is family.

If she REALLY hates your family THAT much, I am afraid there isn't much of a chance she will ever be truly happy.

My advice, and I realize I am being brutally honest here, is that you guys aren't meant to be together. I would ditch her.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:09 AM   #83
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Break her heart. Tell her she is a worthless piece of shit and you've been ****ing other bitches because she is such a ****. But do it slowly start treating her like ass. ****ing slap the bitch around a little(it will improve the sex life) they love it. Start flirting with her friends maybe work in a threesome. Take her off the deep end and leave her to rot.


But you need to quit reading other people's shit.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:11 AM   #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Outside of the fact that we have a couple of kids, my wife and I are just like you.

As for the OP, you are in a catch 22. Reading those text messages is a trust issue. On the other hand, there are 3 things that couples fight about at a fundamental level and one of those is family.

If she REALLY hates your family THAT much, I am afraid there isn't much of a chance she will ever be truly happy.

My advice, and I realize I am being brutally honest here, is that you guys aren't meant to be together. I would ditch her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by threebag02 View Post
Break her heart. Tell her she is a worthless piece of shit and you've been ****ing other bitches because she is such a ****. But do it slowly start treating her like ass. ****ing slap the bitch around a little(it will improve the sex life) they love it. Start flirting with her friends maybe work in a threesome. Take her off the deep end and leave her to rot.


But you need to quit reading other people's shit.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:12 AM   #85
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Treat her like every other bitch has treated you. This is your chance to drive the field and score. Don't **** it up, Cassel.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:15 AM   #86
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Tough call considering she'll probably go right to the "I can't believe you went through my texts!" defensive thing cause she's embarassed and busted...

That said....hell yea confront her, that's bullshit.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:17 AM   #87
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YOU CAN'T BEAT THE BITCH AT HER OWN GAME IF YOU DON'T TAKE THE FIELD.


Now get out there and win one for...
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:17 AM   #88
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
Outside of the fact that we have a couple of kids, my wife and I are just like you.

As for the OP, you are in a catch 22. Reading those text messages is a trust issue. On the other hand, there are 3 things that couples fight about at a fundamental level and one of those is family.

If she REALLY hates your family THAT much, I am afraid there isn't much of a chance she will ever be truly happy.

My advice, and I realize I am being brutally honest here, is that you guys aren't meant to be together. I would ditch her.
Agreed.

Ah...brutal honesty...that's why I love this place!
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:21 AM   #89
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She needs to run as far from you as she can get, as fast as she can get there. You're never going to be worth the maintenance no matter how much dick or wallet you think you're slinging.

Hell, yes. Confront her. Give her a fighting chance to save herself before it's too late.
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Originally Posted by Saccopoo View Post
Yeah, you should definitely confront her.

Because she was talking to her family in a private setting that you invaded/violated. (I'm sure that you have spoken to your family members about her family members and it's been all wine and roses...)

That will make her really happy. Knowing that she is going to have to look over her shoulder for the rest of her life as she now knows that she can't trust you to give her her space in life for the little "blow off steam" moments.

If she was texting people about sucking some guys dick or taking it in the ass on some internet organized gangbang then you might have a case.

However, you've basically ****ed yourself for the rest of your now short lived relationship because you are a snoopy **** who won't get the shit out of your head that she bagged on your family a little bit in private to her family like everyone does.

Good luck with this, but you are basically ****ed.
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Wait until after Christmas then break it off. Immediately thereafter, find a psychiatrist because snooping into your fiance's private communications is not healthy. Neither is it normal. If you don't completely and entirely trust the person with whom you are planning to spend the rest of your freaking entire life, you are with the wrong person and your "trust issues" need some work, man.

FAX
These guys nailed it. You should tell her immediately so she'll know exactly what kind of jackass she is engaged to. She needs to know.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:21 AM   #90
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Bang her - then confront her.

If she's not insane she won't put up with your invasion of privacy, but it's a conversation you need to have nonetheless.
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