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Old 12-23-2012, 11:52 PM  
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

I guarantee this thread isn't going to be about what the thread title might have led you to think it's about. Sorry about that...

Anyway -- was reading text messages on my fiance's cell phone (Yes, I do that, I'm a privacy invader...but past relationships have led me to be a little paranoid).

I read texts between her and her sister and mom, basically trashing my family, which is who we're spending Christmas Eve with. It wasn't just like your usual, "not really looking forward to going to the in-laws", but it was actually pretty vicious stuff. She was trashing my mom's cooking, basically saying she doesn't like my mom at all (my family has been AMAZING to her)..complaining that all we do is "sit around and talk with a sports game on the TV), trashing my parents house, my sister and her "annoying kid". It was really nasty stuff and a side of her I haven't really seen before.

Question is -- do I confront her? This is all that's gonna be on my mind tomorrow, but confronting her means I have to admit to reading her text messages. I don't know how I can move forward knowing she's been talking all this shit about my family though.
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:53 PM   #2
KILLER_CLOWN KILLER_CLOWN is offline
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heh, not married yet...definitely confront her.
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:54 PM   #3
KC Tattoo KC Tattoo is offline
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:55 PM   #4
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You confront her if she steps out of line tomorrow.

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Old 12-23-2012, 11:56 PM   #5
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Well, does she put on a nice front to your family, or does she kind of just ignore them and nod a lot when they talk to her? Is your relationship going well between the two of you?
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:57 PM   #6
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What's the alternative? Sit back, say nothing, and watch her be completely false with your family?
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:58 PM   #7
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:58 PM   #8
Inmem58 Inmem58 is offline
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I would confront my fiancée for sure.
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Old 12-23-2012, 11:59 PM   #9
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:00 AM   #10
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Argo View Post
Well, does she put on a nice front to your family, or does she kind of just ignore them and nod a lot when they talk to her? Is your relationship going well between the two of you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bowser View Post
What's the alternative? Sit back, say nothing, and watch her be completely false with your family?

- Yes, the relationship is going very well and yes, she puts on a great front. No coldness or awkwardness at all. Which is why this is so shocking to me.

- Yes, the alternative is basically sit back and do nothing. Which seems wrong to me.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:00 AM   #11
KILLER_CLOWN KILLER_CLOWN is offline
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Yeah you definitely have to confront her, This could definitely pull you two apart at a later date down the road.....Privacy in marriage is overrated.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:01 AM   #12
BigBeauford BigBeauford is offline
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If you confront her, just realize the relationship might never be the same. She will pull the trust card on you for checking her texts. If you can outweigh the pros over the cons between you two, I would just move on from it.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:03 AM   #13
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Sounds like you both have some issues that need addressing.

However, it's certainly easier to address them with a fiance who'll just go away than a wife who'll go away with half your shit.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:04 AM   #14
Jim Jones Jim Jones is offline
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Quote:
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If you confront her, just realize the relationship might never be the same. She will pull the trust card on you for checking her texts. If you can outweigh the pros over the cons between you two, I would just move on from it.
Yep, that's my issue. In this case, my argument would be that a response from her mom came when I was in the room alone with her phone (which is true), but of course I was the one who picked up the phone and made the choice to read the rest.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:04 AM   #15
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My wife never liked my family, she always talks crap on them to everybody. but hey, so do I. the thing with her is though, she never acted to them like she like them. she always just showed up in kind of ignore them, obvious fake smiles and all that.

if your fiance is really putting on a front like that, that's the ultimate disrespect, attacker prepare to fight. relationships suck.
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