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Old 12-27-2015, 05:48 PM  
TinyEvel TinyEvel is offline
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Farting on a Plane

Just surreptitiously ripped one on a Southwest flight heading to KC.

Is there no better place to slide out a stealthy air turd than amidst the noise and anonymity of an airliner at 30,000 feet?

1) Nobody can hear it.
2) There are 20 people in your immediate vicinity on whom you can blame said air biscuit.
3) The seat cushion acts like a sifting filter -- you don't need to lift a cheek, it just slowly disperses out through the foam like an ass Britta filter.
4) You can open the overhead air flow in advance to blow that floater quickly throughout the cabin.
5) If you're close to the back of the plane and someone does smell it, you can roll your eyes and point towards the lavatory, to imply that someone dropped a wicked deuce in there.

You know you've done it...
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Old 12-27-2015, 05:50 PM   #2
Bwana Bwana is offline
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I admit it, I have ripped off some airy goodness at 30,000 feet.
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Old 12-27-2015, 05:52 PM   #3
cosmo20002 cosmo20002 is offline
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agreed
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Old 12-27-2015, 05:56 PM   #4
ROYC75 ROYC75 is offline
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I did it on take off! You should have seen how fast that damn bird got up in the air!
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ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.ROYC75 threw an interception on a screen pass.
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:02 PM   #5
scho63 scho63 is offline
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My best guess is that EVERYONE farts at least once on an airline. Have you ever smelled the air up there or see how people look when they get off a plane?

It's a methane mess
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:03 PM   #6
Deberg_1990 Deberg_1990 is offline
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I have had it with these M@therF@ckin farts on this Monday to Friday train!
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:04 PM   #7
splatbass splatbass is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyEvel View Post
2) There are 20 people in your immediate vicinity on whom you can blame said air biscuit.
3) The seat cushion acts like a sifting filter -- you don't need to lift a cheek, it just slowly disperses out through the foam like an ass Britta filter.
Not true. I sat on a flight to Korea next to a Korean man farting out kim chi farts for TEN HOURS. Trust me, you can smell it, and you know exactly where it came from. I didn't know you could even fart for ten hours straight.

Chances are good the person next to you knew exactly where it came from.
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:05 PM   #8
Bewbies Bewbies is offline
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I used to fly on Beechcraft 1900's a lot, and those have the vents under the window next to you. So I'd put the vent on blast and crop dust the shit out of the person across the aisle from me.
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:05 PM   #9
Dartgod Dartgod is offline
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Hey, quit stealing the (brown) thunder from my awesome poop thread!
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:13 PM   #10
Lonewolf Ed Lonewolf Ed is offline
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On a flight back from Vegas, my buddy Jeff and I were talking and then WHAM! Someone in the row or two in front of us must have had a 12 egg omelet with all the trimmings for breakfast. Jeff looked at me and asked if I killed that, and I said hell no. In a few seconds, the ladies across the aisle got out their perfume and sprayed it over their heads and started waving the in-flight magazines around. Jeff was chuckling so one glared at him and he said, "If I had done one that good, I'd have claimed it!" She just stared at him for a moment, blinking, and kept fanning with the magazine. Thankfully, the perfume wafted over to my side of the plane because my eyes were watering. Luckily, it never happened on the flight again after that.
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:16 PM   #11
TribalElder TribalElder is offline
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I like to eat a handful of gummy fiber pellets prior to take off

Keeps em steaming
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:16 PM   #12
keg in kc keg in kc is offline
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Technically if it was "surreptitious" you didn't actually "rip" anything. You queefed like a 94-year old hooker thirty seconds after a three man/six viagra train in the shuffleboard lounge at the retirement home.
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:17 PM   #13
lewdog lewdog is offline
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Usually if I have to fart, I'll let the first one out to see if it smells. If nothing, I'll keep ripping them. If it smells horribly, I'll try to hold the rest in for the flight.
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:20 PM   #14
TinyEvel TinyEvel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lewdog View Post
Usually if I have to fart, I'll let the first one out to see if it smells. If nothing, I'll keep ripping them. If it smells horribly, I'll try to hold the rest in for the flight.
You seem nice.
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TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.TinyEvel 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.
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Old 12-27-2015, 06:21 PM   #15
KCrockaholic KCrockaholic is offline
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I don't even know how to silent fart which is what I'm assuming happened. If I did that on the plane, it would cause turbulence.
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