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Old 08-01-2013, 03:42 PM  
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Any lawyers here? Need advice on complicated custody dispute

Ok here's what's going on:

My ex and I have been divorced for a 2-3 years. We agreed to 50/50 everything with our kids...time with them, decision making, etc. My address is their legal address for mailing and educational purposes. Neither one of us pay child support, and even though the time with them is supposed to be 50/50 its more like 60/40 with me and Ive been keeping a detailed log for the last year.

Ex meets another guy, he joins the army a year later, they get married about 3 months after he joins. He now finds out he's being relocated to a base in Georgia. Ex thinks she is going to move with him and take our kids with her.

Everything the kids need or have ever known are here. Their school they've gone to since they started, me, their entire family on both sides...everything.

Is there anything for me to worry about? I know judges want to do whats best for the kids, so surely no judge would let her uproot and move them to another state without my consent, right? The only thing Im worried about is the military thing, that maybe they'd get special treatment for that...but at the same time, he decided to join after they were together and they both knew her situation with my kids. My lawyer doesn't think I have anything to worry about, but of course he's going to tell me that since he wants my $.
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:08 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by ChiefsandO'sfan View Post
In Maryland at the age of 10 a kid can pick who they want to live with.
You must have picked the dumb parent.
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:11 PM   #47
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It all depends on the judge. I don't care what your lawyer says. He may tell you that you have a rock solid, completely air-tight case against her and that you've done everything right.

Then the judge decides to side with the mother because he just thinks the kids are better off with Mom.

Happens all the time. Best of luck. Be prepared to fight and spend a lot of money doing so. The system is much more inclined to side with the mother, it's just the way it is. Years and years of too many asshole dads have kind of screwed it up for the good dads out there. And, then there's the judge and it all depends on which side of the bed he OR SHE wakes up on.
not true. I am a case worker for the state of missouri and i see things like this literally everyday.
what you need to do first is get a paternity action. a paternity action is a legal document saying that the children are with you and the mother cannot come and take the children. Without the paternity action, the mother can come and take the children whenever she wants, even if you call the cops, they will not do anything because the cops side with the mother always. a paternity action nulls that.

you can pay for your own paternity action with a lawyer or you can make a referral for free to UMKC Law. a bunch of people in law school do paternity actions for legal practice under the supervision of an family court attorney (Katie O'mally) but they have a big waiting list because that where we send all of your clients lol. But since you are in Springfield, i dont know if there are any universities that have a program like this.

next, if you are doing everything you are saying like they go to school with you, all of their clothes are there and they are in a safe environment, there is a strong case that the children will stay with you. Also, the courts will want to see background checks of this new guy to make sure he is okay.

My background is in Abuse and Neglect so my courts are a little more intense when it comes to these things, but be prepared to prove that you can not only obtain stable and safe housing and transportation as well as being able to obtain and maintain appropriate clothing, food, and education and you have a very strong case because if she does not have a job down there or if she cannot show that she can obtain and maintain the above things, that can pose a risk to the children

and if you REALLY want to, call your insurance and get a psychological and psychiatric to rule out any mental illness on your part!!

good luck and keep us updated, ill be watching!!
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:20 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by KcKc View Post
not true. I am a case worker for the state of missouri and i see things like this literally everyday.
what you need to do first is get a paternity action. a paternity action is a legal document saying that the children are with you and the mother cannot come and take the children. Without the paternity action, the mother can come and take the children whenever she wants, even if you call the cops, they will not do anything because the cops side with the mother always. a paternity action nulls that.

you can pay for your own paternity action with a lawyer or you can make a referral for free to UMKC Law. a bunch of people in law school do paternity actions for legal practice under the supervision of an family court attorney (Katie O'mally) but they have a big waiting list because that where we send all of your clients lol. But since you are in Springfield, i dont know if there are any universities that have a program like this.

next, if you are doing everything you are saying like they go to school with you, all of their clothes are there and they are in a safe environment, there is a strong case that the children will stay with you. Also, the courts will want to see background checks of this new guy to make sure he is okay.

My background is in Abuse and Neglect so my courts are a little more intense when it comes to these things, but be prepared to prove that you can not only obtain stable and safe housing and transportation as well as being able to obtain and maintain appropriate clothing, food, and education and you have a very strong case because if she does not have a job down there or if she cannot show that she can obtain and maintain the above things, that can pose a risk to the children

and if you REALLY want to, call your insurance and get a psychological and psychiatric to rule out any mental illness on your part!!

good luck and keep us updated, ill be watching!!
Thanks for your reply, good advice. The part in bold I dont think applies to me though, because in our decree it specifically says neither parent could do that without the others approval.
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:22 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KcKc View Post
not true. I am a case worker for the state of missouri and i see things like this literally everyday.
what you need to do first is get a paternity action. a paternity action is a legal document saying that the children are with you and the mother cannot come and take the children. Without the paternity action, the mother can come and take the children whenever she wants, even if you call the cops, they will not do anything because the cops side with the mother always. a paternity action nulls that.

you can pay for your own paternity action with a lawyer or you can make a referral for free to UMKC Law. a bunch of people in law school do paternity actions for legal practice under the supervision of an family court attorney (Katie O'mally) but they have a big waiting list because that where we send all of your clients lol. But since you are in Springfield, i dont know if there are any universities that have a program like this.

next, if you are doing everything you are saying like they go to school with you, all of their clothes are there and they are in a safe environment, there is a strong case that the children will stay with you. Also, the courts will want to see background checks of this new guy to make sure he is okay.

My background is in Abuse and Neglect so my courts are a little more intense when it comes to these things, but be prepared to prove that you can not only obtain stable and safe housing and transportation as well as being able to obtain and maintain appropriate clothing, food, and education and you have a very strong case because if she does not have a job down there or if she cannot show that she can obtain and maintain the above things, that can pose a risk to the children

and if you REALLY want to, call your insurance and get a psychological and psychiatric to rule out any mental illness on your part!!

good luck and keep us updated, ill be watching!!
Good luck with getting a "paternity" action against the mother if the mother is not a complete ****up. If she's a decent parent and this is just a case of her remarrying and wanting the kids to be with her, and she doesn't have a history or pattern of being a bad parent (unlike my families' situation and the judge(s) were still assholes) then what state/civil worker or whatever is going to give the dad a "paternity" action?

I guess I can see this working if the mother is a meth addict or something. Otherwise, I don't think its that simple.
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:35 PM   #50
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I guess what I'm saying is just be prepared to fight. If you are a good dad, and you love your kids and you are 100% sure these kids are better off with you than with the mother, then be prepared to fight for the right to have full time custody if the mom decides to move away. I don't want to discourage you from fighting the good fight. However you really have to do what is best for the kids and that may mean letting her have to kids part of the year too. Best wishes my friend.
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:36 PM   #51
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You must have picked the dumb parent.
No one would pick your old bitter ass.
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:42 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by Tombstone RJ View Post
I guess what I'm saying is just be prepared to fight. If you are a good dad, and you love your kids and you are 100% sure these kids are better off with you than with the mother, then be prepared to fight for the right to have full time custody if the mom decides to move away. I don't want to discourage you from fighting the good fight. However you really have to do what is best for the kids and that may mean letting her have to kids part of the year too. Best wishes my friend.
I dont mind them going with her for the summer, but they are better off here with me and the rest of their family, friends, and school. Their lives are here, everything they know is here, and I do everything for them.
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Old 08-01-2013, 05:54 PM   #53
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I dont mind them going with her for the summer, but they are better off here with me and the rest of their family, friends, and school. Their lives are here, everything they know is here, and I do everything for them.
so here's my advice--you and your lawyer meet with her and her lawyer and then your basic angle is "you can have the kids for a chunk of time during the summer (a few months) if you are deadset on leaving. However, I want the kids the rest of the time...." due to the reasons you've stated. If she agrees, great!

And don't be an ass, tell your ex you want her to be happy but you also want what is best for the kids. Be genuinely happy for her. But let her know your primary concern (and this really better by your primary concern) is the kids.

I say have lawyers involved because it all has to be legal and drawn up. But this type of negotiating is much less expensive than "I'll see you in court!" That's when the $$$$$$$ starts piling up. That's when things go from bad to worse and everyone is miserable.

If she says "no, I want full time custody with the kids and I want to move away with my new husband" than you can always go to court and let a judge decide if that is your only choice. But my advice to you, ESPECIALLY if you are on good terms with your ex wife, or even relatively good terms with her, is to try and work it out behind closed doors, with lawyers. But you gotta have the lawyers there to make everything official and then file the docs with the proper agencies, etc. This way if she ever changes her mind, you have every thing in writing.

Women change their minds all the time so I'm not saying this will lock everything down. I'm just saying it will protect you MORE if she changes her mind later.

Best of luck.
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:06 PM   #54
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Also, don't ever talk bad about your ex to your kids. I don't care if your ex is a SCREAMING asshole/bitch/****/whatever. Don't talk bad about them. You are doing your kids a great disservice by saying bad/negative things about the other parent.

Kids grow up, and they eventually learn for themselves which parent actually loves them and has their best interest at heart. So don't worry if YOUR ex calls you all the names in the book when they are with your kids. Don't return bad behavior with more bad behavior.

Kids learn, and they will love you much more in the end if you don't play that game. Be very "diplomatic" when it comes to talking about the "ex." Even though they may have hurt you to the core, don't disparage them to the children.

Hope this helps.
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:09 PM   #55
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.


But my advice to you, ESPECIALLY if you are on good terms with your ex wife, or even relatively good terms with her, is to try and work it out behind closed doors, with lawyers. But you gotta have the lawyers there to make everything official and then file the docs with the proper agencies, etc. This way if she ever changes her mind, you have every thing in writing.


Best of luck.

I agree with this. One thing about you getting full custody is your wife would then be obligated to make child support payments to you. This might be a big concern of hers and if its possible to sweeten the deal by not making that an obligation on her part, you may be more successful getting her to come to terms with you. Good luck.
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:09 PM   #56
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Again. Lawyer the **** up. Good luck to you man.
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:10 PM   #57
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This,and good luck sir
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:27 PM   #58
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Ok here's what's going on:

My ex and I have been divorced for a 2-3 years. We agreed to 50/50 everything with our kids...time with them, decision making, etc. My address is their legal address for mailing and educational purposes. Neither one of us pay child support, and even though the time with them is supposed to be 50/50 its more like 60/40 with me and Ive been keeping a detailed log for the last year.

Ex meets another guy, he joins the army a year later, they get married about 3 months after he joins. He now finds out he's being relocated to a base in Georgia. Ex thinks she is going to move with him and take our kids with her.

Everything the kids need or have ever known are here. Their school they've gone to since they started, me, their entire family on both sides...everything.

Is there anything for me to worry about? I know judges want to do whats best for the kids, so surely no judge would let her uproot and move them to another state without my consent, right? The only thing Im worried about is the military thing, that maybe they'd get special treatment for that...but at the same time, he decided to join after they were together and they both knew her situation with my kids. My lawyer doesn't think I have anything to worry about, but of course he's going to tell me that since he wants my $.

do you have this custody in writing, law wise, or is it just something you worked out?

your lawyer should be telling you to file for primary custody right the **** now, then she is ****ed do this before it goes anywhere near a judge

**** her early, HARD, and nasty, preempt this shit NOW
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:35 PM   #59
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It depends. Kids are not the best judges of what is best for them.
Right. Its always better for those decisions to be made by others. Liberals always know whats best.

**** me what an asswipe you are.
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Old 08-01-2013, 06:40 PM   #60
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based on what you've told us, my impression is that you will be successful in preventing the kids move out of state...

go with what your lawyer is telling you and don't worry so much, everything will turn out fine...
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