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Old 08-01-2013, 03:42 PM  
MTG#10 MTG#10 is offline
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Any lawyers here? Need advice on complicated custody dispute

Ok here's what's going on:

My ex and I have been divorced for a 2-3 years. We agreed to 50/50 everything with our kids...time with them, decision making, etc. My address is their legal address for mailing and educational purposes. Neither one of us pay child support, and even though the time with them is supposed to be 50/50 its more like 60/40 with me and Ive been keeping a detailed log for the last year.

Ex meets another guy, he joins the army a year later, they get married about 3 months after he joins. He now finds out he's being relocated to a base in Georgia. Ex thinks she is going to move with him and take our kids with her.

Everything the kids need or have ever known are here. Their school they've gone to since they started, me, their entire family on both sides...everything.

Is there anything for me to worry about? I know judges want to do whats best for the kids, so surely no judge would let her uproot and move them to another state without my consent, right? The only thing Im worried about is the military thing, that maybe they'd get special treatment for that...but at the same time, he decided to join after they were together and they both knew her situation with my kids. My lawyer doesn't think I have anything to worry about, but of course he's going to tell me that since he wants my $.
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Old 08-02-2013, 07:28 AM   #91
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Its in our divorce papers. My lawyer advised me to just sit back and wait for her to file a relocation amendment and then we would respond.

Tombstone - I dont talk bad about her to my kids, but her and I no longer get along either after I found this out so there will be no "working it out". She's leaving and is going to try to take the kids, and I'm going to try to stop her. I tried to rationalize with her when she first told me her plan, but she's stuck on trying to do this. There's nothing that can be done except letting a judge decide.

My lawyer did tell me this would be a bit more tricky if she were trying to move them to Ft Leonard Wood here in MO, but since she's trying to move them out of state no judge in his/her right mind would be ok with that. I hope you and him are right.
If she is moving with new hubby no matter what, I predict that it would still be your address for school and that the kids would have to spend two months of the summer with her and half of the winter holiday, maybe spring break if the school has a whole week break.

Depending on how affordable, there could be monthly or holiday trips.
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Old 08-02-2013, 07:42 AM   #92
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Old 08-02-2013, 08:59 AM   #93
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Judges typical let minor children stay with their mother's unless she is on drugs, alcoholic, or has criminal charges. If your ex-wife is in good standing and circumstances are having her move, there is a good chance the judge will allow it.

In a custody dispute, the children at their age will probably be asked who they want to live with and if all your kids want to stay with you and not move, that may sway the judge.

You need a lawyer 100% and start prepping. Your ex-wife may be bad mouthing you to start the process of her taking the kids to GA

Good luck you'll need it. Sounds like it is going to get messy and very expensive.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:03 AM   #94
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You have no shot, nor should you. They don't need your consent to move for work. Retarded concept. You can move there if you want to see the kids more.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:10 AM   #95
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You have no shot, nor should you. They don't need your consent to move for work. Retarded concept. You can move there if you want to see the kids more.
You've read the terms of his decree?
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:22 AM   #96
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Originally Posted by scho63 View Post
Judges typical let minor children stay with their mother's unless she is on drugs, alcoholic, or has criminal charges. If your ex-wife is in good standing and circumstances are having her move, there is a good chance the judge will allow it.

In a custody dispute, the children at their age will probably be asked who they want to live with and if all your kids want to stay with you and not move, that may sway the judge.

You need a lawyer 100% and start prepping. Your ex-wife may be bad mouthing you to start the process of her taking the kids to GA

Good luck you'll need it. Sounds like it is going to get messy and very expensive.
I think you're almost completely wrong about this.

If the kids had been nearly full time with the mother, the judge might let her take the kids, but I think she'd have an uphill battle. In this case, the father is very involved in the kids' lives and most judges will be reluctant to let the mother take the kids out of state.

He does need the lawyer though.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:24 AM   #97
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sometimes I'm really glad I didn't have children - as heartless as that may sound.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:30 AM   #98
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I am a lawyer, although I don't do family law. If you think your lawyer is saying dont worry to get your money, get a different lawyer. You should be able to trust your lawyer, certainly more than the uneducated opinions of people you don't even know who post on an Internet bulletin board.

At this point, you just want to know everything will work. There is no way to know that. Even your lawyer does not know that. Your lawyer can give you an estimate based upon his experience and knowledge of the law, but that's all it is. If you don't trust that estimate, get a different lawyer.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:38 AM   #99
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I am a lawyer, although I don't do family law. If you think your lawyer is saying dont worry to get your money, get a different lawyer. You should be able to trust your lawyer, certainly more than the uneducated opinions of people you don't even know who post on an Internet bulletin board.

At this point, you just want to know everything will work. There is no way to know that. Even your lawyer does not know that. Your lawyer can give you an estimate based upon his experience and knowledge of the law, but that's all it is. If you don't trust that estimate, get a different lawyer.
This.

Although, whenever you get divorced, a requirement is drawing up a plan that sets out visitation, child support, etc., even if you decide among yourselves that neither will pay, children can come and go whenever, etc. What does that say?
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:41 AM   #100
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I think I'd do some homework to prepare for a fight.

If I were you I'd start looking at things like crime rates and the quality of schools in the community they're looking at versus where they are now. Give yourself all of the ammo you need if it gets ugly. If they're military, then it's not a long term move...try finding some information on the effect on children and moving versus stability.

I also agree with what Brock said. Kids won't choose the best parent, they'll choose the parent that lets them do what they want to do or is the easiest to run around.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:52 AM   #101
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I'm not a lawyer, but have been on the receiving ends of our 'justice' system as it relates to fathers rights. If you want to know, just look up my post history, you'll find it. Sounds like you are doing the right things, but my best advice is to be proactive, waiting around is not a good idea

Allow me to paint a different picture. Since there is no actual law forbidding her from moving with the kids, there isnt reason why she cant move away. One can not kidnap their own kids! It all comes down to notice, she told you of her intentions...guess what that counts as notification. She's already given you advance notice of her plans, you havent done anything about it yet. The court could determine this to be your tacit approval as you have had ample time to do something yet didnt.

So let's say she up and moves with the kids on some weekend. Doesnt tell you anything just up and goes. So you spend a week calling her yelling at her, texting her, calling her mom..and nobody answers. Or you call the cops where you live..sure they'l lwrite a report, but they'll ask you. Is there a court order limiting her ability to move with the kids? Nope? Then nothing we can do, get a lawyer (that's what they will tell you).

So your lawyer files a motion in your current state for her to return the kids to your state. Service takes time, months...say she needs time to file motions herself, asks for extensions etc.. Next thing you know 6 months have gone by and you havent seen your kids. Finally you get your day in court, and mother shows how happy the kids are in new state, how their grades are improving and their friends are all so nice. Uprooting the kids again would be mean. Sure we'll give you month during the summer to visit. I mean afterall "i texted him months before I moved to tell him I was moving, he never said I couldnt". Judge will side with her, count on it. And even if he doesnt, say kids do come back, they will hate you cause you pulled htem out of school, and their new friends/etc.

Or even worse..Mom moves and says you hit yelled at her (all it takes for Domestic Violence is for mom to be 'afraid'). BOOM Restraining order, and add another 2-3-6 months to your court date while you fight the BS charges..doesnt matter. Court will see your history of DV and side with mom.

Maybe it wont be as bad as I say..but you sitting around doing nothing is not going to win this.
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:55 AM   #102
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Originally Posted by MTG#10 View Post
Ok here's what's going on:

My ex and I have been divorced for a 2-3 years. We agreed to 50/50 everything with our kids...time with them, decision making, etc. My address is their legal address for mailing and educational purposes. Neither one of us pay child support, and even though the time with them is supposed to be 50/50 its more like 60/40 with me and Ive been keeping a detailed log for the last year.

Ex meets another guy, he joins the army a year later, they get married about 3 months after he joins. He now finds out he's being relocated to a base in Georgia. Ex thinks she is going to move with him...
She can...

Quote:
and take our kids with her.
Good luck with that. At least in MO she'd have to get more than 50/50 to do so...
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:00 AM   #103
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Originally Posted by gochiefs_va View Post
I'm not a lawyer, but have been on the receiving ends of our 'justice' system as it relates to fathers rights. If you want to know, just look up my post history, you'll find it. Sounds like you are doing the right things, but my best advice is to be proactive, waiting around is not a good idea

Allow me to paint a different picture. Since there is no actual law forbidding her from moving with the kids, there isnt reason why she cant move away. One can not kidnap their own kids! It all comes down to notice, she told you of her intentions...guess what that counts as notification. She's already given you advance notice of her plans, you havent done anything about it yet. The court could determine this to be your tacit approval as you have had ample time to do something yet didnt.

So let's say she up and moves with the kids on some weekend. Doesnt tell you anything just up and goes. So you spend a week calling her yelling at her, texting her, calling her mom..and nobody answers. Or you call the cops where you live..sure they'l lwrite a report, but they'll ask you. Is there a court order limiting her ability to move with the kids? Nope? Then nothing we can do, get a lawyer (that's what they will tell you).

So your lawyer files a motion in your current state for her to return the kids to your state. Service takes time, months...say she needs time to file motions herself, asks for extensions etc.. Next thing you know 6 months have gone by and you havent seen your kids. Finally you get your day in court, and mother shows how happy the kids are in new state, how their grades are improving and their friends are all so nice. Uprooting the kids again would be mean. Sure we'll give you month during the summer to visit. I mean afterall "i texted him months before I moved to tell him I was moving, he never said I couldnt". Judge will side with her, count on it. And even if he doesnt, say kids do come back, they will hate you cause you pulled htem out of school, and their new friends/etc.

Or even worse..Mom moves and says you hit yelled at her (all it takes for Domestic Violence is for mom to be 'afraid'). BOOM Restraining order, and add another 2-3-6 months to your court date while you fight the BS charges..doesnt matter. Court will see your history of DV and side with mom.

Maybe it wont be as bad as I say..but you sitting around doing nothing is not going to win this.
You are right that if he knows the day she is leaving and she has not given the certified mail 60 day notice that Missouri law requires and is in every divorce decree since 1998, he should file something weeks before the moving day.

But her not following the notice requirement would weigh against her and could be a basis for her to pay his attorney fees.
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:03 AM   #104
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You are right that if he knows the day she is leaving and she has not given the certified mail 60 day notice that Missouri law requires and is in every divorce decree since 1998, he should file something weeks before the moving day.

But her not following the notice requirement would weigh against her and could be a basis for her to pay his attorney fees.
Could be, but let me tell you a little hint about attorney fees. Before they can award the other party attorney fees, they have to ensure that they have the ability to pay those fees. A single (as she wont be married to new guy yet) mom with kids in a new area with no job, she cant afford it, bottom line.
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:07 AM   #105
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Could be, but let me tell you a little hint about attorney fees. Before they can award the other party attorney fees, they have to ensure that they have the ability to pay those fees. A single (as she wont be married to new guy yet) mom with kids in a new area with no job, she cant afford it, bottom line.
True. I was just setting out what the Missouri statute says in summary.
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