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Old 08-22-2013, 02:29 PM  
Buehler445 Buehler445 is offline
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Mrs. Buehler445 has a bun in the oven.

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Old 08-22-2013, 04:43 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by Prison Bitch View Post
That doesn't come for years. The first several years of a kids life you deal with screaming at 3am, dirty diapers, lying on the floor tantrums at the store when you say something he doesn't like, locking up everything around the house so he doesn't get into it, having your house painted/torn up at will, and of course the extra costs. And no time to yourself.

Having the Budweiser with your son leaning on the fencepost talking about life? Yeah, maybe in 20 years or so.
You are a glorious ray of sunshine!
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Old 08-22-2013, 04:53 PM   #92
JASONSAUTO JASONSAUTO is offline
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First diaper change my wife learned. To her defense it was her 3rd child and the other 2 were girls. She just stared at the rainbow stream like deer in the headlights until it caught her right in the face. At that point she tried, to no avail, to stop the water from rushing in.

Meanwhile, I had a stroke laughing so ****ing hard.
We have four,, first three were girls.

She had an excuse lmao.
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Old 08-22-2013, 04:57 PM   #93
JASONSAUTO JASONSAUTO is offline
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Originally Posted by J Diddy View Post

Man I'm really thirsty, think I'm gonna run down the hall and milk myself.
Just a heads up here... That's not breast milk that comes out of that... I can see how you might mistake it by looks but its really not the same thing.
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Old 08-22-2013, 04:58 PM   #94
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The most solid advice I can give is, that if it is a boy, change the diaper quickly. Seriously.

If you lollygag, you're gonna get a blast of urine in the face. I recommend starting out now with a doll and trying to perfect the diaper change with all the speed of a NASCAR pit crew.
My mom made us these things she called pee-pee tee-pee's. it's basically a cloth piss cone. It buys you time and saves you from the geyser.
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Old 08-22-2013, 05:09 PM   #95
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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Due 3/2/14, our first one. We're excited. Well, she's excited, I'm terrified.

Since I'm a baby n00b, I'd take any advice/tips/CP knowledge about kids and raising them.
Congrats! No worries dude.Everyone is scared they will screw up. Just be there for them and patience....patience...patience.
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Old 08-22-2013, 05:09 PM   #96
ndws ndws is offline
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Originally Posted by Prison Bitch View Post
Shitty diapers aren't a problem, I was never bothered one bit by poop or puke or even the pee-stream boys do when you're wiping them and they don't announce they are about to pee. (Parents know what I'm talking about).


It's the transition to full responsibility that really slaps a lot of men hard. Not the super-dads on this board, but other dads. No free time, no more spending money, massive stress, sleep deprivation, and less time with the wife (esp romantically). Sorry but men who pretend that's all nothing but roses are just lying to Buehler45
Free time takes a hit.

If you're already paying bills, then you know how to budget. There's still free money unless you had been previously pissing everything away. Actually if you're a fully functioning adult, you've probably taken on a certain amount of responsibility already and despite this being a giant change...it's really not that bad.

Sleep dep? yes at first. Routines start to form.

Stress? Totally. We had an extended stay because ours got jaundice and it progressed quickly and drastically. You worry about tons of things. The kid may be colicky or just fussy and you worry you're f'ing up everything. I'm sure even in your crappy travels that there were times like when they start laughing or maybe imitating your actions that you forget about the crao times.

I don't think anyone has said it's all gumdrops, but the good certainly outweighs the bad.
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Old 08-22-2013, 05:13 PM   #97
DJ's left nut DJ's left nut is offline
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The wife and I were totally against cloth diapers. They'd leak, stink, and generally be a pain in the ass. However after two months of paying out the ass for diapers, we did our research and took the plunge. A $200 investment netted us 30 diapers and inserts. We do diaper laundry every third day or so and saw a slight increase in water consumption. You can seriously tell a difference between a kid's ass that's been clothed in chemically laced material and the cloth diapers. Don't get me wrong, we use disposables in some situations, but 90% of the time we go cloth. It was well worth the investment...
Diapers.com

This is your friend.

Buy those things in bulk and they're incredibly cheap. They also have free 2-day shipping. The costs when compared to cloth diapers are pretty close to even when you start doing the math in the liners and stuff.

And go buy the Baby Bargains book, Mr. Buehler. Your wife will think you're a badass.

http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-...=Baby+Bargains

We don't even use ours for bargain hunting, rather it has a pretty comprehensive overview of the major stuff you'll need, who makes it, who makes it well and what the major difference are.
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Old 08-22-2013, 06:25 PM   #98
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Here's a couple pieces of advice I can pull from my experiences :

#1) Start saving for College right now. If you don't you be in a bind later.

#2) Don't buy that Baby Gerger life insurance. Life insurance for anybody under 50 is dumb unless you live in Afghanistan.

#3) Don't waste your money on diapers. They cost a LOT . Just use a towel that can be washed .

#4) Don't go buy it a cute Pit Bull puppy.

#5) Remember that burping a baby means it's gonna puke all over your shoulder. EVERY TIME.

#6) When the kid turns 12 go ahead and force him / Her to drink a bottle of Tequila to show them what people that drink feel like the next day.

#7) If the kid likes the hangover go ahead and spend the money you saved for college on a nice car and go to the strip club.

#8) Don't have sex with your kid. It's against the law and you'll get labeled as a child sex offender.

#9) If it's a girl go ahead and get it a sex change before the age of 5. We know you well enough to know that you want a son.

#10) Remember you can always use the phrase "Do as I say ,not as I do"
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Old 08-22-2013, 06:28 PM   #99
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Old 08-22-2013, 06:30 PM   #100
Gravedigger Gravedigger is offline
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Old 08-22-2013, 06:37 PM   #101
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She and I will name it after you. It seems like the least we can do.
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Old 08-22-2013, 07:00 PM   #102
petegz28 petegz28 is online now
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gratz to you and the wife! We are expecting our first as well.
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Old 08-22-2013, 07:08 PM   #103
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If it turns out to be a girl, be sure to put her in your will so she can identify herself as an heiress at social events.

Oh, and congratulations!
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Old 08-22-2013, 07:11 PM   #104
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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gratz to you and the wife! We are expecting our first as well.
If it's a boy, name him Barbarian. That way, your grandchild can eventually brag that he was raised by barbarians. It'd be a great way to pick up chicks.
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Old 08-22-2013, 07:12 PM   #105
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