Home Mail MemberMap Chat (0) Wallpapers
Go Back   ChiefsPlanet > The Ed & Dave Lounge

View Poll Results: He's coming up the stairs. What do you do?
I hide at the top of the stairs and stab him with the Bowie knife with the element of surprise. 7 13.21%
I hide at the top of the stairs and bonk him in the face with the baseball bat with the element of surprise. 28 52.83%
I hide at the top of the stairs without a weapon and attempt to shove him down the stairs with the element of surprise. 1 1.89%
I stand 12 feet back in the room with the Bowie knife, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him. 1 1.89%
I stand 12 feet back in the room with the baseball bat, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him. 1 1.89%
I stand 12 feet back in the room with the fake shotgun, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him. 1 1.89%
I stand 12 feet back in the room unarmed, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him or reason with him. 0 0%
I go to the top of the stairs with the Bowie knife, and announce that I am holding my ground. 1 1.89%
I go to the top of the stairs with the baseball bat, and announce that I am holding my ground. 4 7.55%
I go to the top of the stairs with the fake shotgun, and announce that I am holding my ground. 1 1.89%
I go to the top of the stairs unarmed, and announce that I am holding my ground as a martial arts expert and former Army Ranger. 0 0%
I take the Bowie knife and hide in the closet hoping to avoid a confrontation. 0 0%
I take the baseball bat and hide in the closet hoping to avoid a confrontation. 0 0%
I take the fake shotgun and hide in the closet hoping to avoid a confrontation. 0 0%
I hide in the closet unarmed hoping to avoid a confrontation. 0 0%
I jump out the window to escape. 3 5.66%
I break into a song and dance with the intent to mesmerize him until I can make my escape. 2 3.77%
I stab myself with the Bowie knife so the idiot will get put away for murder. 3 5.66%
Voters: 53. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-22-2013, 09:34 PM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
No known superpowers
 
Rain Man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: In A World Few See
Casino cash: $12081
VARSITY
Hypothetical: An Intruder In Your Home

Here's the scenario.

After a long day at work, you come home to your tastefully appointed two-story suburban home. As you pull into the garage, you notice that your neighbors are home on both sides, and silently say thanks for your large yard since one of them is hard of hearing and has a Matlock rerun turned up at full volume, and the other is having another one of those weird parties where everyone shows up in leather and big stuffed animal costumes. But they're far enough away that you won't notice anything once you're inside.

Your significant other and any kids are out of town at a luge convention, so you have the house to yourself. You eat ribs and baked beans over the sink, play angry birds until your phone dies, and leave it in the living room to charge.

You watch a couple of old episodes of M*A*S*H (including one where Alan Alda talks about how senseless war is), and then decide to go upstairs to bed. You wander up, forgetting your phone, and brush your teeth.

You're just about to take off your shoes, and you hear a noise. A crash of broken glass. Then some scrabbling noises and there are footsteps downstairs. It's obvious that someone has broken in.

Ping!

You hear the distinctive sound of an aluminum baseball bat, followed by the sound of broken glass. Then again. And again. You hear drawers opening and closing. You hear a male voice muttering, "No one keeps cash in their house any more," and then hear the distinctive multi-dish crash of your china cabinet being pulled over.

You look around the room, and have the following weapons at your disposal.

- An 8-inch authentic bowie knife that you got during your vacation at the Alamo last year.

- A 28-inch wood baseball bat that you used to drive in the tying run in 8th grade Little League.

- A non-working but realistic-looking replica shotgun that you got on Home Shopping Network's "Tribute to Elmer Fudd" night.

You only have time to grab one weapon since they're all in display mounts on the wall.

You have no gun because your significant other is convinced that if you had a son he would look like Trayvon, and offered you a night that you could not refuse if you would take it to the police station and trade it in for tickets to the upcoming luge convention.

You hear footsteps coming up the stairs. The way the stairs are situated, you can hide behind a corner and get the element of surprise at close range just as the intruder reaches the top of the stairs, or you can stand in the middle of the room and have a 12-foot distance before the person comes into view. If you run toward the stairs, he'll be six steps from the top by the time you arrive.

Once the intruder comes up the stairs, you and he will be in the same room since your house has an open loft-style second floor. There's a closet in the room, and the only furniture is a futon and a couple of spartan Japanese stacking chests.

There is also a window that is open. A jump out the window will lead to a 12-foot fall onto a patio that will almost certainly break a leg but will not be fatal.

Thump. Thump. Thump. The footsteps are coming up the stairs.

What do you do? Assume that you are not a superhero or a ninja, and that you are merely yourself.

Poll coming.
Posts: 76,597
Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:10 PM   #16
Cave Johnson Cave Johnson is offline
Andy the Big Reid Coach
 
Cave Johnson's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: E. Bumf***istan
Casino cash: $6105
Tl:dr on the scenario. I did go over to the ex's 2 hours ago with a 6 iron, however.
Posts: 9,854
Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.Cave Johnson is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:10 PM   #17
Count Zarth Count Zarth is online now
JUST SAY NO
 
Count Zarth's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2002
Casino cash: $13367
I'd just throw the futon down the stairs. Gonna be hard to survive that.
__________________
The Chiefs will finish 5-11, Alex Smith will play horribly, and Geno and I will cackle with glee while he burns Kansas City.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mavericks Ace View Post
I may be brain dead who knows.
Posts: 167,546
Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:10 PM   #18
Big Smoke Big Smoke is offline
Royals > Chiefs
 
Big Smoke's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Grove Street
Casino cash: $0
VARSITY
Write in vote for "Test Rain Man for adderal/ other amphetamines " .
Posts: 13,838
Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.Big Smoke is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:13 PM   #19
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
No known superpowers
 
Rain Man's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: In A World Few See
Casino cash: $12081
VARSITY
Quote:
Originally Posted by T-post Tom View Post
Was Hawkeye bunking with Frank Burns or Charles Emerson Winchester III?
One of each. The one where Winchester had the record player and the one where Burns temporarily ran the camp.
__________________
Welcome to NFL Sunday! At 11:00 see Peyton Manning flip off the top rope and clothesline Clay Matthews! At 2:00 Drew Brees will hit Terrell Suggs with a chair! Buy your Andrew Luck jersey and let's get reeeeeady to rummmmmble!
Posts: 76,597
Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:35 PM   #20
CrazyPhuD CrazyPhuD is offline
Meow
 
CrazyPhuD's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Casino cash: $5000
We also need a "strip naked throw alka-seltzer tablets in your mouth and charge him yelling 'Bath Salts'" at the top of your lungs option.
__________________
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t*rd by the clean end"
Posts: 8,013
CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.CrazyPhuD threw an interception on a screen pass.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:36 PM   #21
Mavericks Ace Mavericks Ace is offline
Snoopy
 
Mavericks Ace's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Casino cash: $10367
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyPhuD View Post
We also need a "strip naked throw alka-seltzer tablets in your mouth and charge him yelling 'Bath Salts'" at the top of your lungs option.
For the WIN.
__________________
Cleveland......The place where happiness goes to die.

Im a bandwagon fan, I like the Chiefs, and Browns. I love misery.
Posts: 10,490
Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.Mavericks Ace is too fat/Omaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:52 PM   #22
ClevelandBronco ClevelandBronco is offline
Banned
 
ClevelandBronco's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Casino cash: $6249
Too late. He killed me while I was reading all that.
Posts: 20,320
ClevelandBronco has disabled reputation
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:56 PM   #23
T-post Tom T-post Tom is offline
10K. Well, さようなら.
 
T-post Tom's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Tokyo. Milk/Honey/Gazland
Casino cash: $5000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
One of each. The one where Winchester had the record player and the one where Burns temporarily ran the camp.
Well that simplifies things. The following list would be quickly done, employing my sub 4.4 40 yd dash speed.

1. Unplug bedroom lamp. Cut the cord off with the bowie knife; making sure that a good inch of wire was exposed at the non-plug end .

2. Cut a hole in the bottom of one of the Japanese stacking boxes. (Sorry this is so obvious.)

3. Snake exposed end of cord thru hole in Japanese stacking box. Place box next to bathroom sink (with lid on).

4. Using the organic toothpaste, write "cash" on lid of altered Japanese stacking box.

5. Plug cord into the GFI circuit near the bathroom sink.

6. Carefully create big puddle of water on the floor in front of sink w/o touching the electrified Japanese stacking box.

7. Leave electric toothbrush on and place the working toothbrush on the back of the toilet tank. This will be loud enough to garner the intruder's attention.

8. Go back to bedroom.

9. Construct a proper mace from the bat and knife. (Duct tape in nightstand. Left over from "date night" with the SO.)

10. Hide behind bedroom door with newly fashioned medieval weapon.

11. Be quiet.

12. Wait for intruder to investigate noise in bathroom.

13. Wait for intruder to see the "cash" box in bathroom and unwittingly move into the puddle of water to investigate the found treasure.

14. Wait for intruder to greedily open "cash" box and get the shock of his life.

15. Bum rush "shocked" intruder and disembowel him with mace.

16. Return to living room to watch M*A*S*H episode where Harry Morgan plays the crazy General Steele.


Last edited by T-post Tom; 08-23-2013 at 12:07 AM..
Posts: 9,999
T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2013, 11:58 PM   #24
Kaepernick Kaepernick is offline
Niner Trash
 
Kaepernick's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Casino cash: $7260
You forgot an option:

Shoot with spare gun hidden away from ball-and-chain.


Another option:

Divorce wife, keep gun.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by hometeam View Post

Where is Kaepernick when you need him? This dude was the ****ing Nostradamus of the Alex Smith effect...

I'm just saying the dude predicted to the T how Alex Smith would affect the board, and he has been right.
Posts: 2,046
Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.Kaepernick would the whole thing.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2013, 12:02 AM   #25
KCrockaholic KCrockaholic is offline
Sarcasm
 
KCrockaholic's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Olathe
Casino cash: $6134
I've always had a fantasy about beating the ****ing shit out of someone with a baseball bat. This would be my chance.
Posts: 15,287
KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.KCrockaholic is blessed with 50/50 Hindsight.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2013, 12:26 AM   #26
T-post Tom T-post Tom is offline
10K. Well, さようなら.
 
T-post Tom's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Tokyo. Milk/Honey/Gazland
Casino cash: $5000
Posts: 9,999
T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.T-post Tom Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2013, 04:51 AM   #27
theelusiveeightrop theelusiveeightrop is offline
Spiraling down the Drain
 
theelusiveeightrop's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dante's Ninth Circle
Casino cash: $8036
Who cleans up the broken glass?
__________________
"We're both part of the same hypocrisy, Senator, but never think it applies to my family."

2014 Adopt a Chief - Travis Kelce #87
Posts: 19,937
theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.theelusiveeightrop is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2013, 06:28 AM   #28
Sandy Cheeks Sandy Cheeks is offline
Alex signs! Suck it, haters!
 
Sandy Cheeks's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: Antigua
Casino cash: $9906
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just Passin' By View Post
Baseball bat + top of stairs = dead intruder
This for sure.

I'd be stealthy about it, just in case. If it were just me, maybe I entertain the thought of intimidation first. Not going to put my family at risk for fun, so I would use the element of surprise and smash him with the bat as he nears the top.
Posts: 4,544
Sandy Cheeks has disabled reputation
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2013, 07:05 AM   #29
Nickel D Nickel D is offline
Starter
 
Nickel D's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Casino cash: $5090
My question...just so we're clear on the scenario...is this: Is my home located in Florida?
Posts: 877
Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.Nickel D has just been standing around suckin' on a big ol' chili dog.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2013, 07:07 AM
TEX
This message has been deleted by TEX.
Old 08-23-2013, 07:31 AM   #30
seclark seclark is offline
MVP
 
seclark's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: nemo
Casino cash: $110
in this particular scenario, i'd just go to bed. that's the way it sounds every time my wife comes home. i'd just figure it was her coming back early.
sec
__________________
"Mr. seclark. Wrong for gravy, wrong for jelly, wrong for biscuits."
-rj

"If every Planeteer who was disliked by another Planeteer stopped being a Planeteer we wouldn't have any Planeteers."
-rj
Posts: 9,922
seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.seclark is obviously part of the inner Circle.
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump




All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:37 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.