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Old 09-24-2013, 12:33 AM  
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Late Night Bullshit: God has now entered the forums.

Hello, Children.

This Is God.

I Figured It's Been About... 2,000 Years Or So Since I Last Bestowed You With My Wisdom Directly.

So. I Chose This Forum For My Next Bestowing.

Here's The Problem, Though: Being God Is Pretty Time Consuming, So I've Only Got Two Hours.

And I Didn't Want To Go Through The Hassle Of Creating My Own Username, Either. So The Actual Direckshun Is Running In A Celestial Mouse-Wheel, Totally Naked With A Ball Gag In His Mouth.

What's On Your Mind. Tell Me Your Praise, Your Sorrows, Give Me Your Questions.

You Get Two Hours To Shoot The Shit With God. Go.
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:35 AM   #61
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexSmithDynasty View Post
Serious question, do you have to pass a pee test to get into heaven, because I frequently do recreational drugs and drink heavily. I also don't go to church, is that gonna keep me out of heaven or is being a decent person good enough?
Define Decent Person.

Seriously, Tell Me How You Define It.

And Yeah, Don't Give A Shit About The Other Stuff. But You Should Really Take Care Of Yourself -- Other People Who Like You Want You Around For A Long Time.
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:36 AM   #62
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pr_capone View Post
I'm talking about the ancient Isrealites. The ones you sent a stuttering idiot and his brother to go get out of Egypt.
I'm Pretty Sure That Is Just An Old Testament Allegory. I Generally Am Not In The Business Of Picking People Over Other People In Matters Of Life And Death.
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:41 AM   #63
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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What does God need with a starship?
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:42 AM   #64
pr_capone pr_capone is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun View Post
I'm Pretty Sure That Is Just An Old Testament Allegory. I Generally Am Not In The Business Of Picking People Over Other People In Matters Of Life And Death.
The book you "wrote" says in 2 Timothy 3:16.... "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness".

So, either you actually did what the book of Exodus says you did since every word in that book came from you... or you are a big fat phony.

Seriously??? Not in the business of picking people over others? Christ man... the Isrealites killed Cananites, Philistines, and every other group of people you told them to because they preferred their own Gods over you.

Exodus 6:7 "I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt."

I am well versed in your story book and will tear your asshole from taint to coccyx with your own words.
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:48 AM   #65
AlexSmithDynasty AlexSmithDynasty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun View Post
Define Decent Person.

Seriously, Tell Me How You Define It.
The worst thing I do (outside of drinking and drugs) is argue about Alex Smith on Chiefsplanet. He's a good quarterback, why has thou forsaken him?
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:55 AM   #66
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pam Oliver's Forehead View Post
What does God need with a starship?
Good Question. I Don't.
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:57 AM   #67
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun View Post
Good Question. I Don't.
Are you the God of Sha Ka Ree?
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:57 AM   #68
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pr_capone View Post
The book you "wrote" says in 2 Timothy 3:16.... "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness".

So, either you actually did what the book of Exodus says you did since every word in that book came from you... or you are a big fat phony.

Seriously??? Not in the business of picking people over others? Christ man... the Isrealites killed Cananites, Philistines, and every other group of people you told them to because they preferred their own Gods over you.

Exodus 6:7 "I will claim you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God who has freed you from your oppression in Egypt."

I am well versed in your story book and will tear your asshole from taint to coccyx with your own words.
Scripture Of Almost All Religions Is "Inspired" By Me. But I'm Not Telling These People What To Write. Sometimes They Advocate Things I Flatly Don't Agree With. The Bible Isn't A Direct Interpretation Of My Wishes Any More Than The Quran Or The Talmud Are.

I Never Told Anybody To Kill Anybody. I Can't Stand That Shit. My General Rule Of Thumb Is Nobody Kill Anybody. But As Usual, Folks Will Coopt Me As Justification For Doing Things For Themselves.
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:59 AM   #69
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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As god-fearing men who hold the gold standard for christian leaders these days, did you like George W. Bush or Mitt Romney better?
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Old 09-24-2013, 01:59 AM   #70
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexSmithDynasty View Post
The worst thing I do (outside of drinking and drugs) is argue about Alex Smith on Chiefsplanet.
That's Not Being A Decent Person. That's Not Being A Terrible Person.

Which Isn't Why You're Here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexSmithDynasty View Post
He's a good quarterback, why has thou forsaken him?
He's 3-0. I'd Say He's Not Forsook.

Seriously, Though. I Could Give A Shit.
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Old 09-24-2013, 02:00 AM   #71
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pam Oliver's Forehead View Post
Are you the God of Sha Ka Ree?
Well, Yeah. I'm Everybody's God.

That's How The God Thing Works.
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Old 09-24-2013, 02:01 AM   #72
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Originally Posted by Pam Oliver's Forehead View Post
As god-fearing men who hold the gold standard for christian leaders these days, did you like George W. Bush or Mitt Romney better?
I Like Them Both Tremendously, I Don't Even Know How I'd Choose. They Are Dear To Me.
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Old 09-24-2013, 02:05 AM   #73
pr_capone pr_capone is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Direckshun View Post
Scripture Of Almost All Religions Is "Inspired" By Me. But I'm Not Telling These People What To Write. Sometimes They Advocate Things I Flatly Don't Agree With. The Bible Isn't A Direct Interpretation Of My Wishes Any More Than The Quran Or The Talmud Are.

I Never Told Anybody To Kill Anybody. I Can't Stand That Shit. My General Rule Of Thumb Is Nobody Kill Anybody. But As Usual, Folks Will Coopt Me As Justification For Doing Things For Themselves.
So you didn't take credit for killing the entire population of the planet, save for 8 people, with a flood? You didn't torch Soddom and Gomorrah with salt? You didn't throw down 10 plagues on Egypt culminating in the death of every Egyptian firstborn son, then a whole bunch of them for chasing the Isrealites into the Red Sea? You didn't open up the ground and swallow up Korah and his followers for daring to oppose your spokesman Moses? You didn't kill a bunch of Isrealites for complaining about the Manna you sent and wanting meat instead?

Buillshit. And those are just the old testament examples. I am happy to continue with the New Testament examples if your memory is foggy. I could understand how you would forget... chances are that if you killed countless people here then you have like done the same all over your multi-verse.
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Old 09-24-2013, 02:10 AM   #74
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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Originally Posted by pr_capone View Post
So you didn't kill the entire population of the planet with a flood? You didn't torch Soddom and Gomorrah with salt? You didn't throw down 10 plagues on Egypt culminating in the death of every Egyptian firstborn son, then a whole bunch of them for chasing the Isrealites into the Red Sea? You didn't open up the ground and swallow up Korah and his followers for daring to oppose your spokesman Moses? You didn't kill a bunch of Isrealites for complaining about the Manna you sent and wanting meat instead?

Buillshit. And those are just the old testament examples. I am happy to continue with the New Testament examples if your memory is foggy. I could understand how you would forget... chances are that if you killed countless people here then you have like done the same all over your multi-verse.
I Did Not Do Those Things.

Here's A Pretty Good Rule Of Thumb: If You Read Something, And Go "Why The Hell Would A Benevolent God Do Something This Evil?," There's A Damn Good Chance I Didn't Do That Something. I Want People To Be Happy And Help Each Other, I Don't Ordain Them To Slaughter One Another Or Sprinkle Undue Blessings On Some That Others Won't Receive. That Doesn't Make A Lot Of Sense.

I Mean, Hell. Some Of Those Things Didn't Even Happen. There Was No Major Earth Flood That Killed Humanity, For Instance. And You Folks Know This -- There's No Archeological Evidence For It.

Those Things Are Crude Man-Made Allegories Designed To Promote Some Truth That Hopefully Makes Life Easier And More Benevolent. Some Of Those Succeed Greater Than Others.
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Old 09-24-2013, 02:19 AM   #75
Count Zarth Count Zarth is offline
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Originally Posted by Direckshun View Post
Well, Yeah. I'm Everybody's God.

That's How The God Thing Works.
Do you flick pain for your own pleasure?
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