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Old 03-19-2014, 08:49 PM  
ROYC75 ROYC75 is offline
Time For Your Wake Up Call !!!
 
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Priceless ?

Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey,breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian.

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son, what happened last night?

Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean "? I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?

His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99
Hot Breakfast: $4.20
Two Aspirins: $.38

Saying the right thing at the right time......

PRICELESS

Last edited by ROYC75; 03-19-2014 at 09:59 PM..
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Old 03-20-2014, 09:54 AM   #16
T-post Tom T-post Tom is offline
10K. Well, さようなら.
 
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Old 03-20-2014, 09:57 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
Wow, this doesn't sound like something Jack would do at all. I wonder what happened.
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Old 03-20-2014, 11:21 AM   #18
Gonzo Gonzo is offline
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Jack Harry?
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Old 03-20-2014, 11:33 AM   #19
Sully Sully is offline
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Jack Harry?

I think this was actually a joke Paul Harvey told to Carlin.
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Old 03-20-2014, 12:27 PM   #20
ROYC75 ROYC75 is offline
Time For Your Wake Up Call !!!
 
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Originally Posted by Lzen View Post
5 years ago?
Damn, it's a rerun.


I mean, TV does it?
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Old 03-20-2014, 12:35 PM   #21
Dayze Dayze is offline
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*inner monologue* "Jack never throws up at home"...
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Old 03-20-2014, 12:40 PM   #22
frankotank frankotank is offline
I like 'em mustard & biscuits
 
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I'm gonna do this tonight
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Old 03-20-2014, 12:50 PM   #23
Rausch Rausch is offline
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*inner monologue* "Jack never throws up at home"...
"I am Jack's smirking revenge..."
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Old 03-20-2014, 04:25 PM   #24
digger digger is online now
Thread I will end you.......
 
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:01 PM   #25
Sully Sully is offline
It Goes On
 
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Wow.
First ever Airplane! to Fight Club quote pivot.
Tough maneuver, boys, but you pulled it off flawlessly.
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