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Old 04-03-2014, 11:38 AM  
KC native KC native is offline
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L.P.D.: LIBERTARIAN POLICE DEPARTMENT

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

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Old 04-13-2014, 09:43 AM   #46
GloucesterChief GloucesterChief is offline
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Originally Posted by Loneiguana View Post
Kinda funny you didn't read a single thing I wrote.
I did read.

Quote:
First I said this:

"A true libertarian only has one principle. The inherent and Unalienable Rights of Natural Persons. Like What Jefferson Wrote about. "
Which would include a government with powers to ensure those rights against those that would violate them. For example, the power of the state to imprison you for murder should be above your right to freedom of movement should you commit murder.

Quote:
That has nothing to do with Total Freedom.
If the state has no power over an individual in any circumstance you are looking at a society of total freedom. This is not what libertarians believe. Libertarians want a small government state that is mainly concerned with protecting the rights of its citizens and acting as a neutral party in resolving civil disputes if the parties cannot come to terms on their own. The state should only have power over individuals under certain circumstances. Now, there is disagreement among libertarians on how many and what circumstances but libertarians are not for anarchy or total freedom.

Quote:
Second. I already said states have powers, not rights. Which is why Neo-Confederate Like yourself who try to place state rights over the rights of people are not true libertarians. It's okay though, a lot of republicans get the two confused now-a-days.
Not a member of team red. When libertarians refer to 'state rights' they don't mean that a state has rights like a individual. It refers to the 10th amendment in which certain powers were taken by the federal government but reaffirms that other power are left with the states and/or people. For example, the power to leave the United States could be done on an individual level by renouncing citizenship or a state could choose to leave the Union. The federal government has no power to kick a state out only accept new states. The states had the power to pick their own senators in any way they saw fit before the progressive amendments. States have the power to choose how their electoral votes are divided up. Some states have the power to recall elected officials, etc. States rights doesn't mean states have inherent rights just that the states have powers the federal government does not and the federal government is increasingly encroaching on those rights. There is nothing un-libertarian about pointing out that the federal government almost always violates the 10th. In fact it is pretty libertarian in pointing out that government is pretty bad at following its own founding document and the amendments to that document.

Quote:
You should work on reading comprehension.
You need to work on your comprehension.

Quote:
Third, libertarians can have other concerns and issues they promote. But the natural and unalienable rights of people is the top concern. If they place anything over that concern of natural and unalienable rights, they are not libertarian.
Libertarianism is a political philosophy. It is not a personal one other then the non-aggression principle. It tries to divorce the political from the personal, that is why it is so concerned with individual freedoms. Outside of the political sphere there should be other concerns. I would value a friendship with someone much more then be concerned on their stance on say the income tax or abortion.

Quote:
Also, demand side polices aren't socialism. So you don't know what socialism means either, eh?
They are when you steal from one side to give to another. Even if it is through a third party.
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Old 04-14-2014, 06:17 AM   #47
Loneiguana Loneiguana is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GloucesterChief View Post
I did read.



Which would include a government with powers to ensure those rights against those that would violate them. For example, the power of the state to imprison you for murder should be above your right to freedom of movement should you commit murder.



If the state has no power over an individual in any circumstance you are looking at a society of total freedom. This is not what libertarians believe. Libertarians want a small government state that is mainly concerned with protecting the rights of its citizens and acting as a neutral party in resolving civil disputes if the parties cannot come to terms on their own. The state should only have power over individuals under certain circumstances. Now, there is disagreement among libertarians on how many and what circumstances but libertarians are not for anarchy or total freedom.



Not a member of team red. When libertarians refer to 'state rights' they don't mean that a state has rights like a individual. It refers to the 10th amendment in which certain powers were taken by the federal government but reaffirms that other power are left with the states and/or people. For example, the power to leave the United States could be done on an individual level by renouncing citizenship or a state could choose to leave the Union. The federal government has no power to kick a state out only accept new states. The states had the power to pick their own senators in any way they saw fit before the progressive amendments. States have the power to choose how their electoral votes are divided up. Some states have the power to recall elected officials, etc. States rights doesn't mean states have inherent rights just that the states have powers the federal government does not and the federal government is increasingly encroaching on those rights. There is nothing un-libertarian about pointing out that the federal government almost always violates the 10th. In fact it is pretty libertarian in pointing out that government is pretty bad at following its own founding document and the amendments to that document.



You need to work on your comprehension.



Libertarianism is a political philosophy. It is not a personal one other then the non-aggression principle. It tries to divorce the political from the personal, that is why it is so concerned with individual freedoms. Outside of the political sphere there should be other concerns. I would value a friendship with someone much more then be concerned on their stance on say the income tax or abortion.



They are when you steal from one side to give to another. Even if it is through a third party.
There is your second post that has nothing to do with what I typed.

Seems you have no idea what "inherent and Unalienable Rights of Natural Persons. Like What Jefferson Wrote about" means since you keep going to total freedom and arguing for state government.

I never said libertarians wouldn't support government. I said anyone who places anything over the inherent and Unalienable Rights of people is not libertarian.

Quote:
They are when you steal from one side to give to another. Even if it is through a third party.
"I believe in and support small government but still say taxes are stealing"

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Old 04-14-2014, 07:06 PM   #48
GloucesterChief GloucesterChief is offline
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Originally Posted by Loneiguana View Post
There is your second post that has nothing to do with what I typed.
I don't think you understand how my post is a response to what you typed.

Quote:
Seems you have no idea what "inherent and Unalienable Rights of Natural Persons. Like What Jefferson Wrote about" means since you keep going to total freedom and arguing for state government.
No, I pointed out that Jefferson did believe in some limits to the inherent and unalienable rights of natural persons ie when they conflicted with another persons inherent and unalienable rights. Without something that has power to punish persons who violate the inherent and natural rights of others you live in a state of total freedom which is not a nice place to live. Even the Commonwealth of Iceland which is pretty much as close to an anarchist state as you can get still had laws and those who could punish those for breaking the law.

Quote:
I never said libertarians wouldn't support government. I said anyone who places anything over the inherent and Unalienable Rights of people is not libertarian.
That would be anarchists. Libertarians believe that you have freedom to do whatever you want until you infringe on another's rights then the state has power over you to punish or make you make restitution. Its pretty easy to figure out.

Quote:
"I believe in and support small government but still say taxes are stealing"

Well, it is more akin to mugging since if I refuse to buy a private entities services there is nothing they can do to me. If I refuse to pay for the government's services whether I use them or not, the government can throw me in jail.
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:37 PM   #49
Garcia Bronco Garcia Bronco is offline
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Originally Posted by patteeu View Post
I thought it was pretty good, but not as funny as the libertarian one.
Yeah..because the shit in it is true.
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