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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Count Zarth Count Zarth is online now
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I'm on a mission to shit

Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:24 PM   #61
J Diddy J Diddy is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:54 PM   #62
RaiderH8r RaiderH8r is offline
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In the mean time, install a seat belt and handles on your shitter.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:56 PM   #63
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

Yep.

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PREPARE FOR BATTLE
PREPARE TO LOSE.
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Old 05-19-2014, 01:59 PM   #64
booger booger is offline
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Claythanoscopy
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:11 PM   #65
RaiderH8r RaiderH8r is offline
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Claythanoscopy
He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.
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RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.RaiderH8r Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:11 PM   #66
hometeam hometeam is offline
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Just think of how good its going to feel when it comes out -

I have attached a gif that I think is appropriate.



Thank you, gentleman, you may now return to your business.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:13 PM   #67
booger booger is offline
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Quote:
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He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.


That dirty butt pirate!
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:14 PM   #68
Marcellus Marcellus is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:14 PM   #69
Dayze Dayze is online now
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just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:16 PM   #70
Count Zarth Count Zarth is online now
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Update: 3:14 PM CDT

I continue to rip farts. Strangely, the beginning of each fart feels as if it might be the turd of destiny, that lets loose the tidal wave o shit....but I remain disappointed.

A courier has been dispatched to deliver this secret "magnesium" bomb. The Anus will not stand against this chemical warfare.
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Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.Count Zarth is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:16 PM   #71
booger booger is offline
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Quote:
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just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)
Rectum? Damn near turned em inside out!
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:17 PM   #72
Dayze Dayze is online now
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"wave o' shit".

I didn't realize you were Irish
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:18 PM   #73
Buck Buck is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:19 PM   #74
Dayze Dayze is online now
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once it's out, you should celebrate by eating a block of cheese.
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Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dayze is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-19-2014, 02:20 PM   #75
booger booger is offline
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Get in the bathtub man gonna be shit everywhere
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