Home Mail MemberMap Chat (0) Wallpapers
Go Back   ChiefsPlanet > Hall of Classics

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-09-2002, 05:34 PM  
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
King Shit of **** Mountain
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Casino cash: $11984
Another Bob Dole NFBT Rant

You were warned.

Bob Dole realizes there are some devoutly religious individuals here on the Planet, and actually reads most of the religion-based threads without participating. Bob Dole freely admits to having some serious doubts about the usefullness of organized religion, but openly respects everyone's personal beliefs.

Given that preface, here's the latest event from the Neighborhood from Hell.

As you probably know, Bob Dole's entire lawn equipment inventory performed an assisted disappearing act from the garage last fall. As you probably guessed, Bob Dole has not been eager to rush out and buy new lawn equipment, fearing that it will meet the same end. Thusly, Bob Dole's "lawn" ain't been touched since last fall--except for the motocross track Reliant Energy so thoughtfully built in the side yard.

Other useful background: Bob Dole lives across the street from a large Baptist church. Last Spring, a week after Bob Dole moved in, one of the neighbors (who happens to be a member of the Baptist church across the street) came over and asked Bob Dole if he could do something with his "lawn" because the church was trying to make the neighborhood look nice. Bob Dole, who has historically taken pride in the lawn's appearance, was embarassed that a neighbor came to ask, and promptly fixed the problem lawn, and improved it with flowers and such over the course of the Spring/Summer. At the time of the equipment theft, Bob Dole's lawn looked better than the complaining neighbor's, and he actually had the nerve to stop by as Bob Dole was sweating his fat white ass off one Saturday afternoon and tell Bob Dole as much.

So Bob Dole is sitting here about 15 minutes ago and the Chihuahua Alert System goes haywire and Bob Dole looks out to see some unknown 60-something male walking up the walk. Bob Dole turns down the top volume Hoobastank and answers the door accompanied by 14 total pounds of fury and steps out on the porch with Bud in hand.

"How are you?" inquires the old coot.

"Other than trapped in a house with furious Chihuahuas, pretty well," replies Bob Dole. (Bob Dole takes a pull on the bottle...)

Old guy: "Good...good. Has anyone mention that we has a prospective new minister coming in to visit this weekend?"

Sensing what is about to transpire, suddenly less-pleasant Bob Dole replies, "Why would they? I don't attend that church."

Old fart: "Uh-hum. Well, we have a prospective new minister coming in to visit..."

Rude Bob Dole interrupts, "I gathered that much. Thanks."

Raisin: "Well...um...er...well... We're trying to make sure the neighborhood looks really good and were wondering whether you could do anything with your yard."

Bob-I-Knew-It-Dole: "No, I can't."

Prune Eater: blank stare

Bob-Increasingly-Disgusted-Dole: "Someone was kind enough to steal all my lawn equipment last Fall and I have not yet replaced it. I have been talking to a guy about buying his used Toro, and if he actually shows up with it before the weekend, you can rest assured I'll use it. If he doesn't, I don't really have any way to take care of it. I don't like looking at this shit either, if you want to know the truth, but I'm hesitant to go out and spend $500 on new lawn equipment so the dirtbags can break into the garage and steal it again."

Already-Paid-for-My-Burial-Plot-Man: "Ummm. Hmmmm. Well..."

Bob Dole: "You know, I noticed you had the church lawn done today. If it was really a big concern, you could have had them come over here and chop down my weed patch. Or you can send them back to do it tomorrow if you want. You know...in the spirit of 'Christian Charity' and all..."

Why-Did-I-Get-Elected-to-this-Shit-Guy: blank stare

Bob Dole: (Resisting the urge to point out that the guy does the blank stare thing quite a bit and might want to see his physician about it.) Well, if you guys want to do that, or if the guy shows up with the used mower before Friday and it actually works, I'll sure have it looking spiffy for you. I'm not going to go buy new equipment, nor am I going to pay anyone to come mow it, so I guess it's your choice."

At which point Bob Dole turned around and walked back in to Chihuahua Haven.

Bob Dole supposes the question is: Was Bob Dole out of line? And if you've got enough sack to go ring someone's doorbell to bitch about their yard, and you're really a compassionate, caring person living the Christain lifestyle, wouldn't you feel obligated to offer some sort of solution (other than scissors) when informed that some shitbag stole all the lawn equipment? Hell, Bob Dole doesn't go to church and has mowed a neighbor's yard more than once when they couldn't/wouldn't.

Bob Dole probably isn't going to mow the thing if the guy shows up with the mower in 15 minutes. It's the principle.

Last edited by Bob Dole; 04-09-2002 at 05:38 PM..
Posts: 32,315
Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2003, 01:32 AM   #121
Ebolapox Ebolapox is offline
remember, remember
 
Ebolapox's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2002
Casino cash: $7014
classic thread..... absolutely classic

-EBOLA-
Posts: 25,555
Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.Ebolapox is too fat/Omaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2003, 07:15 AM   #122
conjureman conjureman is offline
"On To Houston"!
 
conjureman's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: pinehurst nc
Casino cash: $5000
stay tuned..conjureman suspects there are more episodes to follow....Dabney Coleman in the role of the new minister!
__________________
He come outta da house...like I seen his face...I know'd it wuz NO! ...and he said "Uhh, I dunno man...she kinda funny ya know". I said "I Know...everybody funny ...now You funny Too"!
Posts: 906
conjureman is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.conjureman is a favorite in the douche of the year contest.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2003, 10:08 AM   #123
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
King Shit of **** Mountain
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Casino cash: $11984
Bob Dole finally got the used Toro and a new Poulan weedeater and moved to a neighborhood that hasn't gone to shit. Bob Dole is enjoying the small lawn, and keeps it very nice, thank you.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg house.jpg (16.2 KB, 262 views)
Posts: 32,315
Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2003, 10:16 AM   #124
WilliamTheIrish WilliamTheIrish is offline
Champion Golfer Of The Year
 
WilliamTheIrish's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2001
Casino cash: $11399
Ain't it though???

Quote:
Originally posted by EBOLA
classic thread..... absolutely classic

-EBOLA-
....... a year + later and I still reading this.

Nice lawn Bob Dole.
Posts: 25,465
WilliamTheIrish has disabled reputation
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2003, 10:27 AM   #125
Skip Towne Skip Towne is offline
Supporter
 
Skip Towne's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: T-Town
Casino cash: $5000
Quote:
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
Bob Dole finally got the used Toro and a new Poulan weedeater and moved to a neighborhood that hasn't gone to shit. Bob Dole is enjoying the small lawn, and keeps it very nice, thank you.
Where is the Directv dish? On the back of the house? You work for the cable company, huh?
Posts: 69,672
Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.Skip Towne < Tried to steal Andy's chili fries.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2003, 12:08 PM   #126
Chief Henry Chief Henry is offline
MVP
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: IOWA
Casino cash: $5025
I love reading your rants. Specially how you can get creative with
description words on people.

Good luck used Toro man with your lawn and neighboorhood.
__________________
On January 3rd, 2007 the unemployment rate was 4.60% with a RECORD 52 months of JOBS growth and the GDP was 3.50%. January 3rd, 2007 is also the day Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi took over the House and the US Senate.
Posts: 8,328
Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.Chief Henry must have mowed badgirl's lawn.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2003, 12:16 PM   #127
Raiderhader Raiderhader is offline
SteelSkull
 
Raiderhader's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Strawberry Hill
Casino cash: $8682
Quote:
Originally posted by Robert_Dole
Bob Dole finally got the used Toro and a new Poulan weedeater and moved to a neighborhood that hasn't gone to shit. Bob Dole is enjoying the small lawn, and keeps it very nice, thank you.

Nice minivan there Senator.
__________________
"Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, and disregard of all the rules."

-- George Orwell, Shooting an Elephant
Posts: 17,609
Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2004, 08:36 AM   #128
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
King Shit of **** Mountain
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Casino cash: $11984
Quote:
Originally Posted by raiderhader
Nice minivan there Senator.
That would be the neighbor's minivan. Bob Dole's drive was on the left.
Posts: 32,315
Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.Bob Dole is too fat/Omaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-2004, 05:39 PM   #129
Raiderhader Raiderhader is offline
SteelSkull
 
Raiderhader's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Strawberry Hill
Casino cash: $8682
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob_Damned_Dole
That would be the neighbor's minivan. Bob Dole's drive was on the left.

Likely story.
__________________
"Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, and disregard of all the rules."

-- George Orwell, Shooting an Elephant
Posts: 17,609
Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.Raiderhader threw an interception on a screen pass.
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump




All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:30 AM.


This is a test for a client's site.
A new website that shows member-created construction site listings that need fill or have excess fill. Dirt Monkey @ https://DirtMonkey.net
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.