News Hypothetical: Depopulating a region - Page 3

**Rain Man** · 02-17-2015, 08:56 PM

Here's the situation:

You take a tour of Cape Canaveral, and put a dollar into one of those glass donations things at the end.

All of a sudden, bells ring, confetti falls, balloons go every which way, and the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders begin dancing around you. You're their 10,000,000th visitor!

As a prize, you get your choice of a 3-day Caribbean cruise, $1 million, or a job as an astronaut. Like any sane person, you select the astronaut job and join the corps.

Ninety days later, you're swinging around in one of those centrifuge things alongside a chimpanzee when big news comes in. A large meteor is headed toward the earth.

NASA immediately begins plans to intercept the meteor and redirect it using explosives. They identify a crack team of astronauts to man the mission. Unfortunately, one of the space suit technicians doesn't believe in vaccinating children, so he and all of the other astronauts get the measles, leaving only you and the chimpanzee, whose name is Hal.

Needing four people, NASA assigns you, Hal the chimp, Senator John Glenn, and Hollywood legend Bruce Willis to the mission. You take off.

Unfortunately, there is an incident en route, and Hal the chimpanzee eats the faces off of Bruce Willis and John Glenn. Fortunately, you were on a space walk at the time. Hal attempts to keep you locked out, but you gain access, use a mechanized fork lift to fend him off, and force him out of the air lock.

That now poses another problem, because you need at least two primates to successfully divert the meteor. With only one of you, all you can do is direct where it'll hit on earth and how big the impact will be. Due to a very effective lobbying effort by PETA, you cannot send the meteor into the ocean or any uninhabited area.

A direct hit will wipe out a particular region, killing the entire population. Where do you send it?

Politically insensitive poll to follow.

**007** · 02-18-2015, 01:28 AM

I need exact blast radius before I vote.

**Rain Man** · 02-18-2015, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Start Croyle

So it's big enough that you can hit all of Russia with it, but also hit only Israel?

If it helps, you can assume that Novaya Zemlya is out side of the blast zone.

**Rain Man** · 02-18-2015, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guru

I need exact blast radius before I vote.

The radius is the size of the region that you're selecting. That's due to technical stuff about the size of the explosive charges you're using and the speed and mass of the meteor.

saphojunkie · 02-18-2015, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Numbah One

Mississippi. It's completely worthless.

They have excellent film tax breaks.

**007** · 02-18-2015, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

The radius is the size of the region that you're selecting. That's due to technical stuff about the size of the explosive charges you're using and the speed and mass of the meteor.

OK then.

I would break it into three pieces then. one large one for the middle east and then two smaller ones for Denver and New England.

Course, I would find a way to give you Denver Chiefs fans a call warning you to get the hell out.

Coochie liquor · 02-18-2015, 05:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saphojunkie

They have excellent film tax breaks.

Plus if you take out Mississippi.... Where will Afroman assault his next woman?

**LoneWolf** · 02-18-2015, 05:58 AM

New York direct hit to the freedom tower. I don't have anything against New York, but the Pete thread discussing how this was a planned event by the U.S. Government would be epic.

stumppy · 02-18-2015, 06:14 AM

The Bikini Islands.
Or the middle east......maybe both....oops.

redshirt32 · 02-18-2015, 06:40 AM

China would be a good start

stumppy · 02-18-2015, 07:02 AM

I can imagine 'accidentally' hitting some of the areas that are a major pain in the ass for the world in general and in my best Erkle voice saying 'Did I do that?'

ping2000 · 02-18-2015, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDj23

New England. Specifically Boston. **** those mother-****ers.

This. It would melt their snow too, so they would be happy for a microsecond before their justified deaths. And the heat from the atmosphere would insure all balls are properly inflated before they exploded.

**srvy** · 02-18-2015, 07:47 AM

I would chip off a piece then impregnate the large piece with pig guts and fat. Ground zero Mecca. The smaller piece Lawrence Ks. Ground zero Allen Field house.

**RealSNR** · 02-18-2015, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keg in kc

Give me $20 worth of taco bell and I'll clear out overland park.

**Rain Man** · 02-18-2015, 09:27 AM

We have twice as many people who would depopulate part of America than Iran or Afghanistan. we have a lot of self loathing on this board.

**Easy 6** · 02-18-2015, 10:12 AM

bye bye, Beijing.

View Poll Results: Where do you direct the meteor?
Canada – lots of northward expansion opportunity	1	1.67%
California – no more granola-eating, sandal-wearing longhairs	5	8.33%
Denver – no more marijuana-toking fans of cheating football teams	6	10.00%
Oakland – Commitment to extinction, baby.	2	3.33%
New York – no more east coast bias	1	1.67%
New England - I don't like their accents, and they've gotten enough breaks already with Brady.	2	3.33%
Texas – no more big hair, big hats, and overrated barbecue	2	3.33%
Mississippi – let West Virginia rank last for a while	1	1.67%
Some other jurisdiction in the U.S. (specify below) – Your cream soda and cheese steaks are not the best	0	0%
Cuba – you want contact? Here’s contact	0	0%
Mexico – no need to build that wall now	0	0%
Some country in central America or the Caribbean (specify below) – no more walls, no more aggressive vendors at cruise ports	0	0%
Some South American country (specify below) – no more hiding Nazis	0	0%
Some central African country (specify below) – let’s knock the wind out of the ebola virus	0	0%
Some southern African country (specify below) – let’s knock the wind out of the AIDS virus	0	0%
Some other African country (specify below) – I’m not racist. I just don’t like them.	0	0%
Some European country (specify below) – no more smug socialism	1	1.67%
Russia – Reagan outlawed you. I'm here to serve the warrant.	2	3.33%
Palestine – well, that problem is finally settled (dusting off hands)	1	1.67%
Israel – Okay, there. It’s gone. Are you satisfied, muslim world?	2	3.33%
Egypt – You haven’t been productive in 4,000 years. Let’s try a reboot.	0	0%
Syria – Just go away. Syriasly.	9	15.00%
Afghanistan – Kabul? No, kaboom. You have been tali-banned.	0	0%
Iran – Stuxnet’s not such a big deal now, is it? Is it? Rocky Sickmann says bye.	7	11.67%
Iraq – Babylon is gone, baby. Babylon is long gone.	2	3.33%
Saudi Arabia – Seriously, no bikinis? You deserve this.	5	8.33%
Some other middle eastern country (specify below) – Because I can only take out one.	0	0%
Libya – Okay, now we’re even for that Pan Am thing and shooting Dr. Emmett Brown	0	0%
Somalia – I got your failed state and pirates right here (grabbing crotch)	0	0%
India – Seriously, there’s just too many of you. Let's be honest. We all know that.	0	0%
Bangladesh – You’re just one monsoon away anyway.	0	0%
China – I support American manufacturing and am ticked off about Tibet	3	5.00%
Vietnam – Okay, now we’re tied.	1	1.67%
North Korea – Remember the Sony-mo!	1	1.67%
Some other Asian country (specify below) – no more human trafficking and cheap restaurant delivery	0	0%
Some Oceanic country (specify below) – I’m jealous of people who live on tropical islands.	1	1.67%
Some research station in Antarctica – It’ll make a nice soft plop and not hurt too many people	2	3.33%
Other place not specified (specify below) – I will specify a custom place to liquefy.	3	5.00%
Voters: 60. You may not vote on this poll

02-17-2015, 08:56 PM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-552449 VARSITY	Hypothetical: Depopulating a region Here's the situation: You take a tour of Cape Canaveral, and put a dollar into one of those glass donations things at the end. All of a sudden, bells ring, confetti falls, balloons go every which way, and the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders begin dancing around you. You're their 10,000,000th visitor! As a prize, you get your choice of a 3-day Caribbean cruise, $1 million, or a job as an astronaut. Like any sane person, you select the astronaut job and join the corps. Ninety days later, you're swinging around in one of those centrifuge things alongside a chimpanzee when big news comes in. A large meteor is headed toward the earth. NASA immediately begins plans to intercept the meteor and redirect it using explosives. They identify a crack team of astronauts to man the mission. Unfortunately, one of the space suit technicians doesn't believe in vaccinating children, so he and all of the other astronauts get the measles, leaving only you and the chimpanzee, whose name is Hal. Needing four people, NASA assigns you, Hal the chimp, Senator John Glenn, and Hollywood legend Bruce Willis to the mission. You take off. Unfortunately, there is an incident en route, and Hal the chimpanzee eats the faces off of Bruce Willis and John Glenn. Fortunately, you were on a space walk at the time. Hal attempts to keep you locked out, but you gain access, use a mechanized fork lift to fend him off, and force him out of the air lock. That now poses another problem, because you need at least two primates to successfully divert the meteor. With only one of you, all you can do is direct where it'll hit on earth and how big the impact will be. Due to a very effective lobbying effort by PETA, you cannot send the meteor into the ocean or any uninhabited area. A direct hit will wipe out a particular region, killing the entire population. Where do you send it? Politically insensitive poll to follow.
Posts: 145,353

02-18-2015, 01:28 AM	#31
007 Shaken. Not stirred. Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: London Casino cash: $12210126 VARSITY	I need exact blast radius before I vote. __________________ My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done. Such as, drinking Dom Perignon ’53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs.
Posts: 65,734

02-18-2015, 05:58 AM	#37
LoneWolf Constable of Untruths Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wichita Casino cash: $-848916	New York direct hit to the freedom tower. I don't have anything against New York, but the Pete thread discussing how this was a planned event by the U.S. Government would be epic.
Posts: 15,348

02-18-2015, 06:14 AM	#38
stumppy New and Improved Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Springfield, Mo. Casino cash: $-2261410	The Bikini Islands. Or the middle east......maybe both....oops. __________________ “As a nation, we can endure damaging policies for a four-year term. But we cannot survive a president willing to terminate our Constitution”
Posts: 22,337

02-18-2015, 06:40 AM	#39
redshirt32 Fire Controlman Vet Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: By the Sea Casino cash: $4314936	China would be a good start __________________ "I will rescind every single unconstitutional or illegal executive action from President Obama. " open an investigation into Planned Parenthood” and to prosecute any criminal conduct uncovered." Instruct the Department of Justice and the Internal Revenue Service to “cease persecuting” individuals seeking to practice their faith in their workplace.“End the catastrophic Iranian nuclear deal.” DAY ONE TED CRUZ
Posts: 5,553

02-18-2015, 07:02 AM	#40
stumppy New and Improved Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Springfield, Mo. Casino cash: $-2261410	I can imagine 'accidentally' hitting some of the areas that are a major pain in the ass for the world in general and in my best Erkle voice saying 'Did I do that?' __________________ “As a nation, we can endure damaging policies for a four-year term. But we cannot survive a president willing to terminate our Constitution”
Posts: 22,337

02-18-2015, 07:47 AM	#42
srvy Fight, build, win! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: KC Casino cash: $-2108750	I would chip off a piece then impregnate the large piece with pig guts and fat. Ground zero Mecca. The smaller piece Lawrence Ks. Ground zero Allen Field house. __________________ "The victim stance is a powerful one. The victim is always morally right, neither responsible nor accountable, and forever entitled to sympathy."
Posts: 25,793

02-18-2015, 09:27 AM	#44
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-552449 VARSITY	We have twice as many people who would depopulate part of America than Iran or Afghanistan. we have a lot of self loathing on this board. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,353

02-18-2015, 10:12 AM	#45
Easy 6 pie is never free Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: the drivers seat Casino cash: $-52225	bye bye, Beijing.
Posts: 98,367