News Hypothetical: Depopulating a region - Page 4

**Rain Man** · 02-17-2015, 08:56 PM

Here's the situation:

You take a tour of Cape Canaveral, and put a dollar into one of those glass donations things at the end.

All of a sudden, bells ring, confetti falls, balloons go every which way, and the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders begin dancing around you. You're their 10,000,000th visitor!

As a prize, you get your choice of a 3-day Caribbean cruise, $1 million, or a job as an astronaut. Like any sane person, you select the astronaut job and join the corps.

Ninety days later, you're swinging around in one of those centrifuge things alongside a chimpanzee when big news comes in. A large meteor is headed toward the earth.

NASA immediately begins plans to intercept the meteor and redirect it using explosives. They identify a crack team of astronauts to man the mission. Unfortunately, one of the space suit technicians doesn't believe in vaccinating children, so he and all of the other astronauts get the measles, leaving only you and the chimpanzee, whose name is Hal.

Needing four people, NASA assigns you, Hal the chimp, Senator John Glenn, and Hollywood legend Bruce Willis to the mission. You take off.

Unfortunately, there is an incident en route, and Hal the chimpanzee eats the faces off of Bruce Willis and John Glenn. Fortunately, you were on a space walk at the time. Hal attempts to keep you locked out, but you gain access, use a mechanized fork lift to fend him off, and force him out of the air lock.

That now poses another problem, because you need at least two primates to successfully divert the meteor. With only one of you, all you can do is direct where it'll hit on earth and how big the impact will be. Due to a very effective lobbying effort by PETA, you cannot send the meteor into the ocean or any uninhabited area.

A direct hit will wipe out a particular region, killing the entire population. Where do you send it?

Politically insensitive poll to follow.

Iconic · 02-18-2015, 04:57 PM

India. Dave from Tech Support go **** yourself!

Discuss Thrower · 02-18-2015, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

We have twice as many people who would depopulate part of America than Iran or Afghanistan. we have a lot of self loathing on this board.

Chosing to kill third worlders = racism.

**Rain Man** · 02-18-2015, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower

Chosing to kill third worlders = racism.

This place is so PC. I need to go post this poll on texansplanet and see how it turns out.

Hydrae · 02-18-2015, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

This place is so PC. I need to go post this poll on texansplanet and see how it turns out.

I didn't realize that place was still around.

BucEyedPea · 02-18-2015, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baconeater

Don't need no stinkin' poll, I'll go Boston.

Wut?

I'm changin' mine to Omaha.

**007** · 02-19-2015, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BucEyedPea

Wut?

I'm changin' mine to Omaha.

No takebacksies

Hammock Parties · 02-19-2015, 02:37 AM

I'd think twice before wiping out Iran. Syria seems to be your best bet for a country that does more harm than good.

Hammock Parties · 02-19-2015, 02:45 AM

This is how ****ed up Syria is. The grey is terrorists.

Fish · 02-19-2015, 10:22 AM

Australia, mate. Sparsely populate, mostly isolated, full of nasty deadly creatures. There may be some fallout to surrounding islands, but that's just minor collateral..

**Rain Man** · 02-19-2015, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Numbah One

This is how ****ed up Syria is. The grey is terrorists.

Are any of those colors good guys? What are the other ones?

**Dave Lane** · 02-19-2015, 10:47 AM

Middle East / ISIS /thread

View Poll Results: Where do you direct the meteor?
Canada – lots of northward expansion opportunity	1	1.67%
California – no more granola-eating, sandal-wearing longhairs	5	8.33%
Denver – no more marijuana-toking fans of cheating football teams	6	10.00%
Oakland – Commitment to extinction, baby.	2	3.33%
New York – no more east coast bias	1	1.67%
New England - I don't like their accents, and they've gotten enough breaks already with Brady.	2	3.33%
Texas – no more big hair, big hats, and overrated barbecue	2	3.33%
Mississippi – let West Virginia rank last for a while	1	1.67%
Some other jurisdiction in the U.S. (specify below) – Your cream soda and cheese steaks are not the best	0	0%
Cuba – you want contact? Here’s contact	0	0%
Mexico – no need to build that wall now	0	0%
Some country in central America or the Caribbean (specify below) – no more walls, no more aggressive vendors at cruise ports	0	0%
Some South American country (specify below) – no more hiding Nazis	0	0%
Some central African country (specify below) – let’s knock the wind out of the ebola virus	0	0%
Some southern African country (specify below) – let’s knock the wind out of the AIDS virus	0	0%
Some other African country (specify below) – I’m not racist. I just don’t like them.	0	0%
Some European country (specify below) – no more smug socialism	1	1.67%
Russia – Reagan outlawed you. I'm here to serve the warrant.	2	3.33%
Palestine – well, that problem is finally settled (dusting off hands)	1	1.67%
Israel – Okay, there. It’s gone. Are you satisfied, muslim world?	2	3.33%
Egypt – You haven’t been productive in 4,000 years. Let’s try a reboot.	0	0%
Syria – Just go away. Syriasly.	9	15.00%
Afghanistan – Kabul? No, kaboom. You have been tali-banned.	0	0%
Iran – Stuxnet’s not such a big deal now, is it? Is it? Rocky Sickmann says bye.	7	11.67%
Iraq – Babylon is gone, baby. Babylon is long gone.	2	3.33%
Saudi Arabia – Seriously, no bikinis? You deserve this.	5	8.33%
Some other middle eastern country (specify below) – Because I can only take out one.	0	0%
Libya – Okay, now we’re even for that Pan Am thing and shooting Dr. Emmett Brown	0	0%
Somalia – I got your failed state and pirates right here (grabbing crotch)	0	0%
India – Seriously, there’s just too many of you. Let's be honest. We all know that.	0	0%
Bangladesh – You’re just one monsoon away anyway.	0	0%
China – I support American manufacturing and am ticked off about Tibet	3	5.00%
Vietnam – Okay, now we’re tied.	1	1.67%
North Korea – Remember the Sony-mo!	1	1.67%
Some other Asian country (specify below) – no more human trafficking and cheap restaurant delivery	0	0%
Some Oceanic country (specify below) – I’m jealous of people who live on tropical islands.	1	1.67%
Some research station in Antarctica – It’ll make a nice soft plop and not hurt too many people	2	3.33%
Other place not specified (specify below) – I will specify a custom place to liquefy.	3	5.00%
Voters: 60. You may not vote on this poll

02-17-2015, 08:56 PM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-552449 VARSITY	Hypothetical: Depopulating a region Here's the situation: You take a tour of Cape Canaveral, and put a dollar into one of those glass donations things at the end. All of a sudden, bells ring, confetti falls, balloons go every which way, and the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders begin dancing around you. You're their 10,000,000th visitor! As a prize, you get your choice of a 3-day Caribbean cruise, $1 million, or a job as an astronaut. Like any sane person, you select the astronaut job and join the corps. Ninety days later, you're swinging around in one of those centrifuge things alongside a chimpanzee when big news comes in. A large meteor is headed toward the earth. NASA immediately begins plans to intercept the meteor and redirect it using explosives. They identify a crack team of astronauts to man the mission. Unfortunately, one of the space suit technicians doesn't believe in vaccinating children, so he and all of the other astronauts get the measles, leaving only you and the chimpanzee, whose name is Hal. Needing four people, NASA assigns you, Hal the chimp, Senator John Glenn, and Hollywood legend Bruce Willis to the mission. You take off. Unfortunately, there is an incident en route, and Hal the chimpanzee eats the faces off of Bruce Willis and John Glenn. Fortunately, you were on a space walk at the time. Hal attempts to keep you locked out, but you gain access, use a mechanized fork lift to fend him off, and force him out of the air lock. That now poses another problem, because you need at least two primates to successfully divert the meteor. With only one of you, all you can do is direct where it'll hit on earth and how big the impact will be. Due to a very effective lobbying effort by PETA, you cannot send the meteor into the ocean or any uninhabited area. A direct hit will wipe out a particular region, killing the entire population. Where do you send it? Politically insensitive poll to follow.
Posts: 145,353

02-18-2015, 04:57 PM	#46
Iconic It's just a ride. Join Date: Dec 2010 Casino cash: $1650360	India. Dave from Tech Support go ** yourself! __________________ 12·12·11 回 RIP Turd Haley**
Posts: 8,003

02-19-2015, 02:37 AM	#52
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $930478	I'd think twice before wiping out Iran. Syria seems to be your best bet for a country that does more harm than good. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 296,987

02-19-2015, 02:45 AM	#53
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $930478	This is how ****ed up Syria is. The grey is terrorists. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 296,987

02-19-2015, 10:22 AM	#54
Fish Ain't no relax! Join Date: Sep 2005 Casino cash: $-1311081	Australia, mate. Sparsely populate, mostly isolated, full of nasty deadly creatures. There may be some fallout to surrounding islands, but that's just minor collateral.. __________________
Posts: 48,828

02-19-2015, 10:47 AM	#56
Dave Lane Space Cadet and Aczabel Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kanab, UT, USA Casino cash: $9333275 VARSITY	Middle East / ISIS /thread __________________ Thanks, Trump for the civics lesson. We are learning so much about RICO, espionage, sedition, impeachment, the 25th Amendment, order of succession, nepotism, separation of powers, 1st Amendment, obstruction of justice, the emoluments clause, conflicts of interest, collusion, sanctions, oligarchs, money laundering and so much more.
Posts: 40,584