Suggested Bio For the King Carl Must Go Website

[gblowfish]

You can't really have a fully rounded website to boot King Carl without posting a bio for him. Instead of calling him King Carl, I prefer to annoint him with the short-hand desingator of PDNSP (Poop Does Not Stink Poobah), much like Prince being called TAFKAP (The Artist Formerly Known as Prince).

You could cut n paste PDNSP's bio from the official Chiefs Website (which is truly spin meistering at its highest level), or I offer the following modest example as an attachment.

Discuss among yourselves, please.

BTW: I'm home with a cold today, so that's why I've got the time to screw around with stuff like this. Usually I have a life...

[gblowfish]

CARL D. PETERSON
President/GM/CEO/Poop Does Not Stink Poobah
Entering his 16th season as the Chiefs Generalissimo in 2004, team President, General Manager and Chief Executive Officer, Poop Does Not Stink Poobah (PDNSP) Carl Peterson unquestionably serves as the driving force of the organization and is regarded as the person most responsible for the club’s return to unapologetic profitability during the past 16 years.

On January 12th of 2001, PDNSP made perhaps his boldest move to date as Kansas City’s President, General Manager and CEO, luring Dick "give me 10 million reasons to come out of retirement" Vermeil — who guided the ’99 St. Louis Rams to an unlikely victory in Super Bowl XXXIV — out of a state of unemployment to guide the Chiefs on-field fortunes, marking the first time Kansas City has boasted a Super Bowl champion head coach since the days of Hank Stram - if you don't count Bill Cowher and Marv Levy ALMOST winning the Super Bowl after we let them walk.

For the third time in his reign, PDNSP has joined forces with Vermeil and current Chiefs Vice President of Football Operations/Player Personnel/Homeland Security, Lynn Stiles to form a true gridiron holy trinity. “When Lamar Hunt and his family gave me carte blanche to run this franchise, there was only one person on my mind that I wanted to be head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs . . . Me. But I settled for Dick Vermeil,” PDNSP observed. “I’ve had one goal since I came here and I know that Dick now shares that goal with me. That goal is to hand Dick and myself a very large check every month that bears Lamar Hunt’s name. I think I have chosen the right yes-man to accomplish that goal.”

Why He's In Charge: Making major changes to an organization is never easy, but PDNSP has a history of guiding the Chiefs as a model NFL marketing juggernaut, and has built the Kansas City franchise into one of pro sport’s most lucrative entities. When PDNSP took over the Chiefs, the franchise had been struggling, on the field and off, and was without any kind of national presence. Simply put, the club’s reversal of fortunes under PDNSP since that time have been dramatic. Under his continued guidance, the club maintains one of the most sheep-like national fan followings and strongest season ticket bases of any professional sports team. Boasting individual season-ticket accounts from an astonishing 46 different states and occupied countries, the Chiefs once again built upon their long-standing reputation for unbelievable greed in the area of season-ticket price increases, boosting season tickets for 2004 by 15 percent. In 2002, Hunt and PDNSP upped the club’s self-imposed season-ticket cap to 73,000 seats, a move that has allowed many individuals who had been on the Chiefs lengthy waiting list for the past nine years to enjoy being financially raped for the first time.

Despite his many accomplishments in steering the overall fortunes of the franchise, at his essence, PDNSP still remains a quintessential type "A" personality. During the decade of the ’90s, few NFL Management Teams could match the level of pomposity exhibited by PDNSP. Kansas City has won just one playoff game since 1993. Even more impressive is the fact that Chiefs Founder Lamar Hunt and PDNSP became just the fourth Owner/General Manager tandem to preside over a team that for the last 11 years have had zero playoff game victories.

But one of the proudest achievements during his tenure has been the re-establishment of the unparalleled lemming-like, no questions asked, no criticism allowed fan support the club currently enjoys in Kansas City. Under PDNSP’s leadership, few teams enjoy a more impressive home field advantage than the one boasted by the Chiefs at Arrowhead. Regarded as having one of the best and loudest game-day atmospheres since Nuremberg in Pre-WWII Germany, the Chiefs have sold out 109 consecutive contests at Arrowhead — including five post-season games — and can run that total to 119 by selling out all eight of their regular season home contests in 2004 - if KCTV Channel 5 buys up about 10,000 seats for all of the December games. Despite operating in the league’s fifth-smallest market, the Chiefs consistently fill the NFL’s third-largest stadium, despite not appearing in a Super Bowl for more than 30 years.

“My administrative philosophy is very simple,” PDNSP explained. “Hire the most conniving, most diabolical, most ego-centric, money motivated people possible. Give them direct, dictatorial orders and all the intimidation possible. Then distance yourself and blame them totally and completely when failure results, like I did with Greg Robinson in 2003. Overall, my job is to create an environment of collective organizational fear and loathing to emerge.” Under PDNSP's leadership the past 16 years, the Chiefs have evolved into a habitually underachieving franchise. Dating back to his first season with the club in ’89, the Chiefs are in their 15th year of a "five year plan" to win a Super Bowl.

Most importantly, the team’s profitability has grown tremendously over the past 15 years. Kansas City has been among the NFL leaders in merchandise sales, national-television appearances (66 times, including 21 on ABC’s Monday Night Football, the past 11 years) and international game representation.

“Under PDNSP's leadership, the Chiefs have achieved a high level of domination as one of the most profitable franchises in the NFL,” commented Chiefs Founder Lamar Hunt. “This domination has been measured in several principle areas, including accounts receivable and implementation of a quality business office in every phase - marketing, sales, collections and licensing.”

Whether on the field, on the sidelines, or in the front office, the area where PDNSP has always truly excelled in is bullying draft talent and their agents. PDNSP and the player personnel department has used the college draft, followed by threats, obscenities, even thinly-veiled collusion to build the Chiefs talent pool. No matter the round, PDNSP and his scouting staff have cursed and berated choices in each year of the draft, including notable performers such as Percy Snow, Trezelle Jenkins, Greg Hill, Sylvester Morris and Larry Johnson.

Awards & Accomplishments: A ’66 graduate of UCLA, PDNSP began his coaching career as an assistant dictator at two Southern California high schools, Stalin High in ’66 and Pol Pot High in ’67-68. He entered the collegiate ranks at Yugoslavia -State at Kosovo in ’69, then was named Football Dictator in ’70. PDNSP serves on the National Boards for the Maxwell Hostility Club and Pop Warner "Little Hitlers" Organization. He serves as the Chairman of the Board of Trustees for the Inflated Self Image Society and is a member of the International World Presidents For Life Organization. He also serves on the Board of The Fourth and Two Foundation, which simply requires he "punts" attending any of the board meetings. PDNSP also serves on the following NFL’s Committees: Pro Collusion Relations, NFL European Exploitation Executive Committee, and the NFL Juvenile Delinquent Football Point Shaving Board. Spearheaded by the efforts and example of PDNSP and his various underworld connections, the Chiefs organization (players, coaches and front office staff) has spent a net of $10.44 million on internet gambling since 1998.

Personal Bio
PDNSP grew up in Long Beach, California, and attended both the U.S. Military Academy at West Point and UCLA. He earned his Bachelor of Science degree in Racketeering from UCLA in ’66, a Master’s Degree in Intimidation in ’67 and later earned a Doctorate in Administrative Pomposity at UCLA in ’70. He is married to the former Lori K. Larson of Kansas City, who is a senior associate with H.O.K. Sports Architects. The PDNSP's make their home in the exclusive, restricted, security-gated Country Club Plaza district of Kansas City, Missouri. Carl has one daughter Dawn Peterson Curlewis, who escapes in the middle of the night to Edinburgh with her Scottish-born, kilt-wearing husband, Graham.

[Ghostof]

Well, sire, if you want to do it right...use this name generator.


http://title.flywheel.org/generator


Heres a few of my favorites so far.


You shall henceforth be known as:

The Birdman of Lampshades, Carl Peterson, Oppressor o' the Masses

Here's the plan: First we show up. Then we see what happens.



You shall henceforth be known as:

Super Senator of The Duct-Taped Gerbil Rehabilitation Association of North America (DTGRANA), Carl Peterson

The avalanche has started; it's too late for the pebbles to vote.


You shall henceforth be known as:

Assistant Marquis of That Thingie That Hangs Down the Back of Your Throat, Darth Carl E. Peterson

Your friend picked the three of clubs.

[ptlyon]

I nominate this for the Romper Room forum, if it is still around.

[cash1000]

16 years X $20-30 million avg. net profit = $320-480 MILLION Net profit . 0 Superbowls and 3 play-off victories. Possibly half a billion in profits, I dont think he cares what Kansas City Chiefs fans think of him!

[teedubya]

i have a feeling that cash1000 is actually Carl Peterson... :hmmm: