View Full Version : Write Your Own Eulogy

11-07-2004, 06:01 PM
The Kansas City Chiefs passed away today at 2:25PM, MST in Tampa Bay, Florida, after battling a scathing pain in the ass for several hours. The Chiefs were 44 years old and left behind a legion of diehard fans in every state but Rhode Island. (However, Rhode Island doesnít really count for itís not really a state, and it certainly isnít an island).

Born in 1960 in Dallas, Texas, the Chiefs moved to Kansas City, Missouri at the age of three. Suffered health problems in the mid-70ís and never really fully recovered. Often times overcame health issues, but only to succumb to the wrath of self-defeating ignorance.

A memorial service is planned today at Arrowhead stadium where friends of the family plan on getting drunk off their asses and staging a fully unplanned and profoundly mitigated riot against the parents of the Chiefs, Lamar Hunt and Carl Peterson. You may send your well wishes via a molotov cocktail and other illegal fireworks for flowers will not be welcomed.

11-07-2004, 06:23 PM
In Tampa, a putrid odor, much like decomposing flesh, permeated the air near Raymond James Stadium on Saturday. Shortly after the smell was reported, several witnesses described seeing grown men in red football jerseys running around with their heads fully up their asses. While the connection between the two does not seem immediately obvious, it is very likely that the men with heads in their asses were indeed the very culprits released the disgusting funk on the Tampa area.

More like an incident report. The horrible lack of intensity on defense does not warrant any respectful words.

11-07-2004, 06:31 PM
I think this thread deserves its own eulogy.

(Thought I would say so before someone else does)

Thig Lyfe
11-07-2004, 07:42 PM
This thread was a lonely thread. It really sort of died before it accomplished anything. None of us knew this thread very well, so there's not much to say. It died alone with thirty bottles of painkiller and a William Shatner CD on repeat.

We'll never forget you, thread.

11-07-2004, 07:44 PM
If only he hadn't watched the Chiefs-Bucs game.

11-07-2004, 08:31 PM
Epitaphs are awesome.........I prefer the old style.

Here Lies Iowanian
He loved his bad Girlfriend,
the Chiefs, so he said
Now he's a wormfarm
His head exploded,
and now he's dead

11-07-2004, 08:36 PM
Im just gonna look in the obituaries tomorrow morning. Whats worse is I live here in Nawlins and I gotta think about the boys coming here. I dont think Priest is gonna be good to go on turf. Bad feeling about this ship!

11-07-2004, 08:37 PM
He was a chiefs fan
he said he didn't give a damn
but it crept to him in the night
he realized he had to fight
and he bought himself a ticket
went to kc, went to picket
all for what?
he di'n' know
started crazy riots
ended up on a late night tv show

11-07-2004, 08:45 PM
Here lie the Chiefs,
formerly of Kansas City;
wanted to go to the Super Bowl,
But their defense was too $hitty.

11-07-2004, 08:47 PM
Open wide Ye Heavens Gate
Iowanian's going fishing
with 37 and 58

11-07-2004, 08:51 PM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
This season sucks
Go Royals.

11-07-2004, 08:54 PM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
This season sucks
Go Royals.

.................and don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out.

11-07-2004, 08:56 PM
.................and don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out.
What did I do? I'm just joking around....

11-07-2004, 08:57 PM
What did I do? I'm just joking around....

So am I..............don't take it seriously. :)

11-07-2004, 08:58 PM
Bury me cheap, have a party.