Since you all love poop stories...

[teedubya]

One of my online friends confided this story with me moments ago... i havent laughed this hard in ages...

[see next message]

[teedubya]

[21:32] ali chi3fs: what up bitch?
[21:33] rightwing: jerking to frree porn
[21:33] *** Auto-response sent to rightwing: I am currently away from the computer.
[21:34] ali chi3fs: oh nm
[21:34] rightwing: ?
[21:34] ali chi3fs: i dont want to interupt you
[21:34] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:35] rightwing: im not bitch
[21:35] rightwing: dude
[21:35] rightwing: wanna hear a good story
[21:35] ali chi3fs: sure
[21:35] rightwing: its another shitting on myself story
[21:35] ali chi3fs: dude
[21:35] ali chi3fs: thats sucks
[21:35] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:35] rightwing: no
[21:35] rightwing: this was bad
[21:35] rightwing: i hope no1 knows
[21:35] rightwing: well
[21:35] rightwing: im upstairs in a meeting
[21:35] ali chi3fs: you need to not get your ass reamed so much so your sphinter muscles work better
[21:35] rightwing: and i put cig in my mouth cuz its about over
[21:35] ali chi3fs: your ass wouldnt get ripped either
[21:36] rightwing: well a guy looks at me
[21:36] rightwing: buddy of mine and start laughing cuz i have ciggarette hanging from my mouth
[21:36] rightwing: well i say what
[21:36] rightwing: and all atention turns towards me
[21:36] rightwing: well at that moment it feels like i get sharp pain in my gut
[21:37] rightwing: and i go ohhh
[21:37] rightwing: and they are all shocked
[21:37] rightwing: i didnt know what it was i get those from time to time
[21:37] rightwing: well attention goes back towads boss
[21:37] ali chi3fs: oh shit
[21:37] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:37] rightwing: and i have to fart
[21:37] ali chi3fs: nice
[21:37] rightwing: meeting is about over
[21:38] rightwing: so i walk out the door before everyone else and lay big fart
[21:38] rightwing: not loud but big
[21:38] ali chi3fs: heh heh
[21:38] rightwing: well i take medicine to give me runs all the time
[21:38] rightwing: and i only shit like once or twice a week
[21:38] rightwing: well when i farted i shit all over self
[21:38] rightwing: not just a little juce
[21:38] ali chi3fs: oh man
[21:38] rightwing: i mean running down legs
[21:38] ali chi3fs: no one noticed?
[21:39] rightwing: well i am up stairs
[21:39] rightwing: well no1 was around me
[21:39] rightwing: but i am upstairs
[21:39] ali chi3fs: that sucks
[21:39] rightwing: and bathroom is downstairs arund everyone
[21:39] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:39] ali chi3fs: ownage
[21:39] rightwing: so i gotta go out the door and downstairs where the entire plant is
[21:39] rightwing: well i get down stairs
[21:39] rightwing: 50 yards to right
[21:39] rightwing: or 50 yards to left
[21:39] rightwing: i see a sexy bitch to the right
[21:40] ali chi3fs: dude im glad you share these stories with me... when you get owned, it is so great
[21:40] rightwing: so i aint going that way
[21:40] rightwing: and the smoke hole is to the left
[21:40] rightwing: its same bathrom
[21:40] rightwing: but you can get to from any side
[21:40] rightwing: so i go past smoke hole
[21:40] rightwing: there he is the plant pillowbiter
[21:40] rightwing: 300 guys work there
[21:40] rightwing: and we al rag on the pillowbiter
[21:40] ali chi3fs: well, technically, you dont need to go the bathroom
[21:41] rightwing: so i see him and i dont want to go near him cuz the smell of shit to him is like the smell of pussy to us
[21:41] rightwing: yes i did
[21:41] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:41] rightwing: when i farter and shit on self
[21:41] rightwing: i squeezed ass together for dear life
[21:41] rightwing: well i am duck waddling to bathroom
[21:41] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:41] rightwing: and i feel in running down legs
[21:41] ali chi3fs: shit showing on your ass prolly
[21:41] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:42] rightwing: so i know i got huge wetspot on ass
[21:42] rightwing: well i have huge schedule
[21:42] ali chi3fs: dude this brings a huge smile to my face
[21:42] rightwing: and im casually walking with it covering my ass
[21:42] ali chi3fs: laughing at your pain
[21:42] rightwing: like not noticably
[21:42] rightwing: well i get in bathroom
[21:42] rightwing: no1 in there thank god
[21:42] ali chi3fs: whew
[21:42] rightwing: so i run in stall
[21:42] rightwing: take down pets
[21:42] rightwing: boxers are soaked
[21:42] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:43] rightwing: i sit on pot and am sliding around on shit
[21:43] rightwing: it is nasty
[21:43] rightwing: well i finally get ready to clean out rest of ass
[21:43] rightwing: and boom the stalls fill up
[21:43] rightwing: ****
[21:43] rightwing: like tis whole story so far i have told you from the meeting to now is maybe 2 minutes duration
[21:43] rightwing: well here i am trying to remove my boxer shirts
[21:43] ali chi3fs: well EVERYONE needs to go now, right
[21:43] ali chi3fs: heh
[21:44] rightwing: while sliding around on the pot in my own shit
[21:44] rightwing: it is filthy
[21:44] rightwing: so i get everything off while on the pot
[21:44] rightwing: in the proces get shit on shoes
[21:44] rightwing: socks
[21:44] ali chi3fs: haha hah aa
[21:44] rightwing: more on pants
[21:44] rightwing: and somehow on my shirt too
[21:44] ali chi3fs: PWNED
[21:44] rightwing: not to mention legs and ass and shit
[21:45] rightwing: well
[21:45] ali chi3fs: dude i cant breath
[21:45] rightwing: you can see under the stals
[21:45] rightwing: so i had to take off shoes and do all this in stages
[21:45] ali chi3fs: this is some funny shit
[21:45] ali chi3fs: literally
[21:45] rightwing: i couldnt let anyone see under stalls me taking off clothes in there while sitting on pot know what i mean
[21:45] rightwing: so i gwet boxers crumple them up
[21:46] rightwing: and put them off to side so no1 cant see them under stall
[21:46] rightwing: well i dry out my pants as best i can
[21:46] ali chi3fs: how?
[21:46] rightwing: with toilet paper
[21:46] rightwing: while still slidng around on pot
[21:46] ali chi3fs: ok.. i thought you were talkin a hand dryer...
[21:46] rightwing: and i finish
[21:46] ali chi3fs: you had to be stressing hard.
[21:47] rightwing: well i get up and it is like trying to dry a bathtub full of water with a lump of toilet paper
[21:47] ali chi3fs: hah...
[21:47] rightwing: i mean as i wipe it is immediztely soaked
[21:47] rightwing: and i had to clean up legs
[21:47] rightwing: and ass
[21:48] rightwing: i sit on the pot and quickly find out there is still shit all over my ass
[21:47] rightwing: well i get it somewhat cleaned up and it hits me again
[21:47] rightwing: and the toilet seat which was the nastiest thing you ever saw
[21:48] rightwing: as i get done i clean my ass again
[21:48] rightwing: and the toilet seat
[21:48] rightwing: and i cant do good
[21:48] rightwing: because i have sat there 20 min
[21:48] rightwing: and the shit has dried around toilet seat
[21:48] ali chi3fs: heh oh man
[21:48] rightwing: and theres no way in hell im walking out and wetting toilet paper and carrying it back in stall
[21:49] rightwing: so there is brown haze around the only white toilet seat in the mens bathroom
[21:49] rightwing: why i didnt pick one of the back toilet seats i dont know
[21:49] rightwing: well i wait till coast is clear
[21:49] rightwing: bury my underwear
[21:49] rightwing: deep in trash can
[21:49] rightwing: and pull my wet pants up
[21:50] rightwing: literall like a 1ft diameter circle
[21:50] rightwing: right in middle of ass
[21:50] rightwing: thank god they were dark dark blue pants
[21:50] rightwing: well
[21:50] ali chi3fs: :)
[21:50] rightwing: my hands are covered with shit
[21:50] ali chi3fs: poor rightwing
[21:50] rightwing: so i gotta wash them for forever
[21:50] rightwing: i just want to get the hell out of there
[21:50] ali chi3fs: i bet it reaks in there
[21:50] ali chi3fs: funny funny shit man
[21:50] rightwing: but it is anohter 75 yards to the dor
[21:50] rightwing: door
[21:51] rightwing: and i gotta walk through full plant
[21:51] rightwing: with huge wet stain on ass
[21:51] rightwing: and smelling like shit bigtime
[21:51] rightwing: i had it on every article of clother i had one
[21:51] rightwing: hahahaha
[21:51] ali chi3fs: what trauma
[21:51] ali chi3fs: oh man
[21:51] rightwing: well i start walking out and this bitch calls my name
[21:51] ali chi3fs: i havent laughed this hard in a long time
[21:51] ali chi3fs: thank you
[21:51] rightwing: i dont even turn around
[21:51] rightwing: i hit the dor
[21:51] rightwing: get outside
[21:52] rightwing: and run as fast as i ever have to my car another 50 yds away
[21:52] rightwing: and you know what
[21:52] rightwing: this was at 10 am this morning
[21:52] ali chi3fs: im saving this IM... im gonna spread it around internet message boards... so people can laugh.
[21:52] ali chi3fs: ill protect your name
[21:52] rightwing: and i think i can still smell it
[21:52] ali chi3fs: this is way too funny
[21:52] rightwing: dude
[21:52] rightwing: dude
[21:52] rightwing: my other shit stories
[21:52] rightwing: were just as bad
[21:53] rightwing: when i went on the freeway
[21:53] ali chi3fs: oh man... you need to write a book
[21:53] rightwing: in rush hour traffic
[21:53] ali chi3fs: my shit stories
[21:53] ali chi3fs: dude... heh. a website.
[21:53] rightwing: that was worst time
[21:53] rightwing: and it was dark
[21:53] rightwing: and every headlight illuminated on me
[21:53] rightwing: and i didnt pull pants down enough
[21:53] rightwing: so i still got every drop of shit in pants
[21:53] rightwing: i couldve said **** shitting on freeway
[21:54] rightwing: and just shit in pants
[21:54] rightwing: same ending
[21:54] rightwing: dude
[21:54] rightwing: since i was 16
[21:54] rightwing: this is 5th time i have shit self
[21:54] ali chi3fs: heh.
[21:54] rightwing: well 5th day
[21:54] ali chi3fs: oh man
[21:54] rightwing: when i was sick those were multiples
[21:54] ali chi3fs: i had a squirt or two... once or twice... but damn
[21:54] rightwing: like 4 or 5 times in a day
[21:54] rightwing: heh
[21:54] ali chi3fs: you are like an avalanche of shit.

[mikey23545]

I have tears running down my face.....

[teedubya]

dude, if you knew this guy, you would laugh twice as hard.... heh.

[Phobia]

Normally I laugh at that stuff, but this guy needs professional medical help. Lots of it. You should offer to pay his co-pay. Either that or offer to spring for a month's supply of aduliapers.

[teedubya]

Normally I laugh at that stuff, but this guy needs professional medical help. Lots of it. You should offer to pay his co-pay. Either that or offer to spring for a month's supply of aduliapers.


heh. you know you laughed... dont take the high road.

[Dartgod]

I lost interest halfway through...

[Mr. Kotter]

I lost interest halfway through...

You realized Depends woulda saved his ass at that point too?

[teedubya]

yeah he said this is the 5th time he has shit himself since age 16... he is 25 now...

[Phobia]

I wanted to laugh. Really, I did. But, I couldn't help feeling sorry for the guy. Really. I've shart myself, too. It happens. It's embarrassing.

But this dude shit all over himself and destroyed a restroom stall. That's not hilarious. He's ill. He needs our help.

Tell your buddy I'll pay for the first order: http://www.directmedicalinc.com/sample.html

[teedubya]

heh... he just made a comment about the Depends....

even in Depends... it is still shitting yourself. ROFL

[teedubya]

i just gave him the link to this thread... heh. He is laughing... liked your points there Phobia.. and could really give "Two Shits" he aint embarassed. It happens to everyone at one time or another.

My side hurts regardless.

[Phobia]

yeah he said this is the 5th time he has shit himself since age 16... he is 25 now...

5th time as an adult and he isn't even 30 yet? He has bowel problems. Serious bowel problems. So serious that a boweling alley probably couldn't even help. No, he needs a specialist. I wonder if DenverChief will be providing any advice on this thread.

[stumppy]

No, he needs a specialist. I wonder if DenverChief will be providing any advice on this thread.

I'll venture a guess and say is expertise is more along the lines of input rather than output.

[ChiefsFire]

thats fuggin funny

[Rausch]

THis guy didn't go-juice when he meant to let off some steam, he nuked his ****ing trousers....full on, shat tsunami...

I'm with Phil, this guy needs medical attention or a friggen tub stopper....

[Ultra Peanut]

I need to doo-doo right now.

[teedubya]

here is to not shitting your pants in 2005 :toast:

[PssvAggrssvDck]

That story was funny as hell, IF you stayed with it.