Calling all Chiefsplanet Pimps

[Red Dawg]

Just for fun, give me yuur best pick up line.

I like: "Excuse me, but could I buy you a fish sandwich or somth'in?"


The Ladiesman

[Saulbadguy]

How much?

[go bo]

How much?ROFL ROFL ROFL

you must get lots of dates that way...

ROFL ROFL ROFL

[Bob Dole]

Bob Dole has already posted this in the other 3 pick-up line threads, but here goes:

"Want to go in halves on a bastard?"

Also, on Fat Tuesday, Bob Dole asks if they'd like to get an early start on giving it up for Lent.

(Knowing Bob Dole's last name is actually Lent might help that make a little more sense...)

[Iowanian]

"I'm just out celebrating putting my 1 millionth dollar in my savings account tonight"

[Eleazar]

I hear that a lot of chicks like when you say "Hello - commatard on the loose.Hello - commatard on the loose.Hello - commatard on the loose.,,,"

[journeyscarab]

Also, on Fat Tuesday, Bob Dole asks if they'd like to get an early start on giving it up for Lent.

(Knowing Bob Dole's last name is actually Lent might help that make a little more sense...)

ROFL ROFL

[MichaelH]

I don't have any pick up lines. The chicks usually hit on me.

:)

[journeyscarab]

I go the old fashioned route and just conk them on the head with a club.

[OldTownChief]

Hey Baby...I hear you can suck the chrome off ah trailer hitch.

[Rain Man]

"I hope we ain't kin."

[Iowanian]

This thread just isn't going to be legit without the stylings of Mr sheRoboto, kcchiefsman

[Phobia]

The best pickup line in the world is "I'm happily married to a beautiful woman."

I've had more opportunities to score strange in the past 3 years than I EVER had as a single, available man.

[Iowanian]

I heard on the radio a while back, that there was some study on the most effective pick up line.......it was pretty ghey..and I think translated from japanese to something like

"Hi, I'm (candyasslonelydouchebag), A year from now, lets still be smiling together.

Phildo is right........the best Hobait I've found is a wedding ring.

You single man-ho's should stumble down to the pawnshop like my buddy did and pick up one for cheap.

[Mr. Kotter]

The best pickup line in the world is "I'm happily married to a beautiful woman."

I've had more opportunities to score strange in the past 3 years than I EVER had as a single, available man.

They smell the desperation in single men.

Right Brian?

[Eleazar]

Any of you divorcees have a wedding ring you would sell cheap?

[journeyscarab]

Wong & Owens from SNL...

"I'm sorry man, I'm just trying to get into your world. I don't know anything else. This is all I know, I'm just trying to be like you."

[Kerberos]

Say baby ... If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was New Years .......

Do you think you could fit me in "BETWEEN" the Holidays !

____________________________

:)

[OldTownChief]

"It's good to be out of prison after the last 5 years"

[AustinChief]

no hablo espanol, pero tu eres guapa en todos idiomas

[Rain Man]

"If I saw you in Victoria's Secret, I'd really be interested in the type of underwear you were buying."

[Alton deFlat]

When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day I got married, the day my children were born, and the day that I met you.


or, if that fails....


Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

[tyton75]

"May I buy you a roofy-colada?"

[Kerberos]

Hey gorgeous ... You wanna ride the skinbus all the way into tuna town ???

:)

Cliff

[Mr. Kotter]

I'm not desperate. I'm just lazy.

Good point. I was cheap too.

[Rain Man]

"May I buy you a roofy-colada?"

ROFL


Or the equivalent. "Hi, My name is Sebastian Janikowski. Can I buy you a drink?"

[Eleazar]

"It's good to be out of prison after the last 5 years"

hah. This is funny to me considering I drank with a guy last Friday who was in prison for killing someone.

[Rain Man]

hah. This is funny to me considering I drank with a guy last Friday who was in prison for killing someone.


How did you pass the pitcher through that glass?

[Eleazar]

How did you pass the pitcher through that glass?

hah, actually he was out on the loose.

Helpful hint: if you buy convicted murderers a round they don't seem very likely to kill you.

[Kerberos]

Say would you consider spending the next 60 minutes counting celing tile?

[Rain Man]

"Hi. My name is XXX, but my friends call me Tripod."

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

"Wanna become a single parent?"

[Iowanian]

"If I saw you in Victoria's Secret, I'd really be interested in the type of underwear you were buying."

I figured your approach would be more like

"hey there ya wildabeast.......wanna grab a 6er and go out to the parking lot and you can peel my meat banana?"

[Holden McGroin]

"Free mustache rides!"

oldie, but a goodie

[Holden McGroin]

"May I push in your stool?"

[Braincase]

My ears are cold. Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?

[tyton75]

For the MILFs in the crowd.. "Can I be your next baby-daddy?"

[Red Dawg]

"Wanna become a single parent?"


I'll have to try that one.

[Hoover]

The best pickup line in the world is "I'm happily married to a beautiful woman."

I've had more opportunities to score strange in the past 3 years than I EVER had as a single, available man.
So true.

One ring to rule them all!

[Dartgod]

I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?

[Iowanian]

I'll bet you a BJ that my unit won't suck itself.

[badgirl]

Any of you divorcees have a wedding ring you would sell cheap?
Nope, threw mine out the window while driving down the interstate, BEFORE my divorce. :thumb:

[LiL stumppy]

I would have kept it and sold it.But your not "smart" enough to think of that befor you do things.Gosh Gloria.

[badgirl]

Nothing like throwing away money.
I didnt pay for them. Knowing that asshole he would have probably ask for them back after the break up, maby some homeless guy hitchhiking found them, bought him a bottle, I just gave to charity.

[badgirl]

I would have kept it and sold it.But your not "smart" enough to think of that befor you do things.Gosh Gloria.
I was a little pissed OK :cuss:

[Iowanian]

I changed my mind now that I"m not at work.

You should smash her face with an old Keyboard, stomp a mudhole in her arse and walk it dry.

[Abba-Dabba]

Pooty Shoplifters!

[badgirl]

You've just been outsmarted by a.... uh, however old he is.
:doh!: he did it AGAIN!! and in the public eye of the planet I might add, he will pay when he gets home :$2500:

[Eleazar]

:doh!: he did it AGAIN!! and in the public eye of the planet I might add, he will pay when he gets home :$2500:

I was thinking more of a men's wedding ring... I doubt if yours would have helped me much.

[Eleazar]

I was once told I was shopliftin' the pooty.

Now... what the hell was the explanation behind that... was it 'cause I was nailing a single mom?

Yeah, that is a Jerry Maguire quote.

[Ebolapox]

my fiance fell for the old (but good)

--you must have a keg in your pants--cause I wanna tap that ass

-EB-...ROFL

[Mr. Kotter]

I was thinkin' that was where it's from.

Never seen that movie. Have no intention of ever seeing it in the future.

If the SO ever insists on a chick flick, it's not half bad. Just go get another beer, or go take a dump during the romantic parts. :shrug:

[badgirl]

"is that a shotgun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" ROFL

[Abba-Dabba]

I was once told I was shopliftin' the pooty.

Now... what the hell was the explanation behind that... was it 'cause I was nailing a single mom?

It is about dating a single mother. Nothing wrong with a single mother. Atleast you know more than likely you aren't their first priority. ;)

In the movie Jerry MaGuire there was the scene where Cuba was doing a commercial for some car dealership. After he was pulled from the commercial him and Tom were walking down the road. Cuba told Tom at one point in the scene he was shoplifting the pooty. I don't think I ever heard it before then.

[Mr. Kotter]

Whoa, whoa, whoa... back up. You know as well as I do, for the SO to ever insist on anything, she'd have to first exist.

Fat girls are pretty "significant" in the minds of most...

[LiL stumppy]

I lost my phone number can I barrow yours.HAHAHAHA :)

[Mr. Kotter]

I ain't watchin' no movies w/ 'em.

And you wonder why they don't call you back in the morning.... ;)

[Skip Towne]

She's not real bright...

I don't think I'm going to make fun of her anymore. Lil stumpy seems to be able to handle it.
You haven't seen her have you?

[Bob Dole]

"Wanna become a single parent?"

That is just a pathetic ripoff of Bob Dole's signature line.

Stop being such a queef and just say what you mean, Todd.

[Rain Man]

If you will allow me the pleasure of your company, our lives will change forever. I will care for you and cherish you. We will dance on moonlit beaches in faraway places, to music only we can hear. I will protect you from harm, and will be your quiet ally as you soar to greatness. I will whisper in your ear when you least expect it, in the quiet of a snowy evening. We will live in a house by the sea, and we will grow old together, and when we hold hands in the park, the young couples will see us and smile and know that love can flower forever. If you will accompany me, you have my word that we will live the life of our dreams.


Stuff like that always works with chicks.

[Pants]

If you will allow me the pleasure of your company, our lives will change forever. I will care for you and cherish you. We will dance on moonlit beaches in faraway places, to music only we can hear. I will protect you from harm, and will be your quiet ally as you soar to greatness. I will whisper in your ear when you least expect it, in the quiet of a snowy evening. We will live in a house by the sea, and we will grow old together, and when we hold hands in the park, the young couples will see us and smile and know that love can flower forever. If you will accompany me, you have my word that we will live the life of our dreams.


Stuff like that always works with chicks.

Shit, Imma copy-paste-save that shit, you know, just in case. Nice.

[Bob Dole]

If you will allow me the pleasure of your company, our lives will change forever. I will care for you and cherish you. We will dance on moonlit beaches in faraway places, to music only we can hear. I will protect you from harm, and will be your quiet ally as you soar to greatness. I will whisper in your ear when you least expect it, in the quiet of a snowy evening. We will live in a house by the sea, and we will grow old together, and when we hold hands in the park, the young couples will see us and smile and know that love can flower forever. If you will accompany me, you have my word that we will live the life of our dreams.


Stuff like that always works with chicks.


Damn. Women must be from Venus or something.

Bob Dole's eyes glazed over and his head hit the keyboard before you got to the first damned comma.

[stumppy]

Wait untill last call and walk up to her, smile and say 'Looks like you're it'.

[elvomito]

or... "have you ever had your belly button licked.... from the inside?"

[Mr. Kotter]

or... "have you ever had your belly button licked.... from the inside?"

OUTSTANDING. :thumb:

Except those of us genetically cursed with short tongues would be laughed at. :banghead:

[Terribilis]

You cannot resist my sexcraft, release your sex magic

[RedNFeisty]

Without reading all of the posts, the funniest one I have heard was "You look so good I could sop you up with a wet biscuit." Needless to say the dipshit didn't get to sop up anything with me!

[RedNFeisty]

If you will allow me the pleasure of your company, our lives will change forever. I will care for you and cherish you. We will dance on moonlit beaches in faraway places, to music only we can hear. I will protect you from harm, and will be your quiet ally as you soar to greatness. I will whisper in your ear when you least expect it, in the quiet of a snowy evening. We will live in a house by the sea, and we will grow old together, and when we hold hands in the park, the young couples will see us and smile and know that love can flower forever. If you will accompany me, you have my word that we will live the life of our dreams.


Stuff like that always works with chicks.

When was the last time you used that and it actually worked!?! Women with brains do not tend to fall for pick up lines unless it was back in the 80's!

I think these days a guy is more likely to get lucky if they just ask for it. Instead of beating around the bush.

Don't bother guys, the lines won't work on me!! :thumb:

[4th and Long]

Without reading all of the posts, the funniest one I have heard was "You look so good I could sop you up with a wet biscuit." Needless to say the dipshit didn't get to sop up anything with me!
I wonder had he have picked you up, if his next line to his friends would have been, "I'm riding the gray train and the wheels are made of biscuits!"

[2bikemike]

If you will allow me the pleasure of your company, our lives will change forever. I will care for you and cherish you. We will dance on moonlit beaches in faraway places, to music only we can hear. I will protect you from harm, and will be your quiet ally as you soar to greatness. I will whisper in your ear when you least expect it, in the quiet of a snowy evening. We will live in a house by the sea, and we will grow old together, and when we hold hands in the park, the young couples will see us and smile and know that love can flower forever. If you will accompany me, you have my word that we will live the life of our dreams.


Stuff like that always works with chicks.


You work for Hallmark?

[Iowanian]

I'll bet those thong squirrel covers stickin out the top'n yer shorts would look good covered in pantah gravah.

Figured skip could use some material that would work in arKansas

[Iowanian]

rainman.......that sounds familiar.........what movie is it from?

[OldTownChief]

I think these days a guy is more likely to get lucky if they just ask for it. Instead of beating around the bush.



Hi Red, wanna **** ?

[Bob Dole]

Don't bother guys, the lines won't work on me!! :thumb:

Bob Dole wasn't planning to try anyway, but thanks for the notice.

[Iowanian]

"hey chic, how soon could we leave if I told you I could dislocate your ovary tonight, and you'd ask for seconds?"

[2bikemike]

Hi my name is 2bikemike and I would like to take you for a ride!

[Iowanian]

Silence works best..........just walk up to a group of hotties, lick your eyebrows, and take the first 2 that gasp in anticipation.

[OldTownChief]

#1 all time pickup line...

"wanna go do a line?"

[Skip Towne]

Shit, Imma copy-paste-save that shit, you know, just in case. Nice.
That's some pretty good shit alright. I think I'll just print it out and hand it to 'em to read.

[Iowanian]

Here is one more appropriate for the average planet guy

"uh uh uuuu uu uuuu u hhhh hhh h HI! If you only knew the time I spent working these hands out, typing on the internet......you'd know that I could double click your mouse with the dexterity of a concert pianist and a microsurgion...."


It might work too......if you leave the Chewbacka sock puppet at home and weren't talking to her through it.

[4th and Long]

The pickup line must establish a link, a bond, a commonality with the woman you desire. It's vital that you first establish something in common with her or you're already shot down in flames.

Try this.

You: "Hello."
Her: "Hi."
You: "Mind if I ask you a question?"
Her: "Ummm sure ... OK"
You: "Do you like pizza?"
Her: "Why yes, I do."
You: "HEY! ME TOO! ...... you wanna fvck?"

Alternately if she does not like pizza, change your answer to. "HEY! ME NEITHER! ...... you wanna fvck?"

[Iowanian]

The only pickup line half of you know is to go down to chinatown and shout out the window

"how much fo hap-pay Ending?"

"15 dorrah too bookoo"

[seclark]

The only pickup line half of you know is to go down to chinatown and shout out the window

"how much fo hap-pay Ending?"

"15 dorrah too bookoo"
i honestly thought she said "saki", officer.
sec

[Bob Dole]

In all honesty, Bob Dole sucks at "opening lines," and has never seriously tried one. Bob Dole used to simply stare and wait for the female to approach and ask why the hell he was staring or motion Bob Dole over to ask why, which eliminated the need for an opener.

Bob Dole has been single again for awhile, and the stare thing doesn't work like it used to. Maybe it's the gray hair, or perhaps times have changed, but the end result is the same. Nada.

Since re-entering the world of bachelorhood, Bob Dole has had one instance of someone else trying to set up an opportunity for Bob Dole to initiate a conversation with an attractive lass. New club, different crowd, attractive stranger that a friend of Bob Dole's happened to know. Friend approaches female and says howdy, blah blah blah, then motions for Bob Dole to come over, and Bob Dole complies.

(Bob Dole is going to stray from the schtick because, believe it or not, Bob Dole does not refer to himself as Bob Dole or speak in the 3rd person in real life.)

Friend says, "This is a friend of mine. I think you guys would get along well."

Bob Dole extends his right hand in traditional handshake fashion and says, "Hi. My name's Scott."

Well, apparently Bob Dole's drunken diction isn't quite as impressive as Bob Dole's sober diction, or the sound system in the new club was pumping out dance crap at much too high a volume, because the female's response was to slap Bob Dole, shout "**** you!" and stomp away with truly impressive indignation.

So as Bob Dole stands there trying to search for what little recently-single dignity might remain after such an incident, frantically searching the muddled gray matter for any recollection of some previous encounter with said female gone awry, Bob Dole's friend goes after the lass to inquire about her response.

Apparently, though Bob Dole offered what he felt was a fairly standard introductory greeting, the deaf bitch heard, "Hi. Want to ****?"

At present, Bob Dole just stares a lot.

[stumppy]

That's some pretty good shit alright. I think I'll just print it out and hand it to 'em to read.

Read ????

You've narrowed your market down wwaaaayyyyy to much for Arkansas.

[gblowfish]

I don't know about the success of particular pickup lines, but a friend of mine always said if he were on the dating game he'd answer every question with:
"I have a nine inch Johnson."
Example:
Girl's Question: Bachelor number one, if you were a flavor what flavor would you be and why?
B1: I'd be vanilla because I'm clean and sweet!
Girl's Question: Nice...Bachelor number two?
B2: I'd be cherry because I got a chewy stem...
Girl's Question: Oooh, you're naughty! Bachelor number three?
B3: I have a nine inch Johnson.

Nine out of ten times she's goin to Cancun with B3!!

[stevieray]

If you will allow me the pleasure of your company, our lives will change forever. I will care for you and cherish you. We will dance on moonlit beaches in faraway places, to music only we can hear. I will protect you from harm, and will be your quiet ally as you soar to greatness. I will whisper in your ear when you least expect it, in the quiet of a snowy evening. We will live in a house by the sea, and we will grow old together, and when we hold hands in the park, the young couples will see us and smile and know that love can flower forever. If you will accompany me, you have my word that we will live the life of our dreams.


Stuff like that always works with chicks.

When it doesn't , buy a convertible BMW.

[Iowanian]

At Arrowhead...........I'd cruise chics in the parking lot and in the whachacallit where you get beer, piss and stuff......and say

"Give me a hummer and I can get your pic taken with my goooood buddy, First Down Elvis"

[Bowser]

"Hi. Are you just here for the drinks, or do you want to get laid, too?"

"Hi. If I fail to mention it later, I can breathe through my ears."

[siberian khatru]

"I just dropped the kids off, we've got two hours."




Well, it usually works with the wife.

[Rain Man]

rainman.......that sounds familiar.........what movie is it from?


I write all my own material. :harumph:

[RNR]

The line I used with the girl I am seeing right now. I saw her from across the bar and thought I would like to meet her. I asked her for her phone number, when she hesitates, I said look you can keep you panties on, I would just like hang out with you. Not that cool but I got her number.

[Mr. Kotter]

You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, "Particularly nice weather."

[Mr. Kotter]

Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

Please help the homeless. Take me home with you...

[stumppy]

Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, "Particularly nice weather."


It's " Typical nasty weather".


Jeez.:rolleyes:












Although I think it has more to do with delivery than the actual words.:D

[J Diddy]

Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

Please help the homeless. Take me home with you...


That's um pretty impressive. Damn I thought I was shameless at the bar.

[Hammock Parties]

"I cried during Rudy."