Funny college stories.

[ENDelt260]

.

[David.]

Phobia is a bastard. I thought I'd throw that out while I still have the chance :D

[Eleazar]

My roommate and I got hammered my freshman year and were tearing up our room after coming home from a party. It started with him tearing the place apart in a vain search for some controlled substances he was missing but we were pretty loaded and it ended up in us pelting some passersby out on the lawn with empty cans from our 3rd story window.

Unfortunately those passersby were cops and came up for a visit and took us for a nice ride in their car and a visit to their office being that we were both 18, it was a dry campus, and a few other minor details.

That is a tamer one, anyway

[Mr. Kotter]

I'll come back tonight drunk....I got a couple of doosies: good thing the statute of limitations has run out. :D

[Mr. Kotter]

Phobia is a bastard. I thought I'd throw that out while I still have the chance :D

You're buckin' for a temporary ban/Phobia fugg with you day, eh?

[|Zach|]

This is less funny and more so disgusting. But I went to MU to hang out and party with a bunch of my friends. It was a good time and everything was kind of winding down. Alot of people were asleep and I was talking to a buddy of mine on a couch.

While we were talking a girl walked in. She looked really drunk and she was walking around. We were looking at her trying to figure out if she needed some help or not. A few seconds later she pulls her shorts and panties down out of nowhere. We both looked at eachother laughing but then she decideds to squat down and take a crap right there in this carpeted room...she then fell asleep right there.

This poor girl happened to be in a sorority and her name was Whitney. Soon enough the whole greek universe found out and she was dubbed "Shitney" on campus. She ended up transferring...

[gblowfish]

Here's just the punchline:

So I walk out of the store, it's downtown, middle of the day. At the stoplight in his squad car is my friend Tom. So I yell at him as loud as I can:
"HEY PIG....Wanna Buy Some Coke?"

Later that night at the bar I puked in the parking lot.

You'll have to guess the rest.

[JazzzLovr]

I'll come back tonight drunk....

Yeah, because that's turned out so well for ya in the past...

[Bearcat]

This one time, I threw up on a cop...

[David.]

This is less funny and more so disgusting. But I went to MU to hang out and party with a bunch of my friends. It was a good time and everything was kind of winding down. Alot of people were asleep and I was talking to a buddy of mine on a couch.

While we were talking a girl walked in. She looked really drunk and she was walking around. We were looking at her trying to figure out if she needed some help or not. A few seconds later she pulls her shorts and panties down out of nowhere. We both looked at eachother laughing but then she decideds to squat down and take a crap right there in this carpeted room...she then fell asleep right there.

This poor girl happened to be in a sorority and her name was Whitney. Soon enough the whole greek universe found out and she was dubbed "Shitney" on campus. She ended up transferring...

omfg ROFL

[Eleazar]

This one time, I threw up on a cop...

It it was a Maryville cop, good work.

[Bearcat]

This is less funny and more so disgusting. But I went to MU to hang out and party with a bunch of my friends. It was a good time and everything was kind of winding down. Alot of people were asleep and I was talking to a buddy of mine on a couch.

While we were talking a girl walked in. She looked really drunk and she was walking around. We were looking at her trying to figure out if she needed some help or not. A few seconds later she pulls her shorts and panties down out of nowhere. We both looked at eachother laughing but then she decideds to squat down and take a crap right there in this carpeted room...she then fell asleep right there.

This poor girl happened to be in a sorority and her name was Whitney. Soon enough the whole greek universe found out and she was dubbed "Shitney" on campus. She ended up transferring...


Huh... I knew a Whitney at NW that had transferred from somewhere.... maybe this is why she didn't say where she transferred from.... "Oh, Shitney!" ROFL

[Mr. Kotter]

Yeah, because that's turned out so well for ya in the past...

Damn, two friggin' nights in my life...can't a guy get a second, er third chance around here?

I'll just start by putting Frazod, TJ, Skip, and Zach on iggy; that'll take care of 90% of it. :)

[|Zach|]

One of my good friends had to go through 2 years of highschool and 1 1\2 years of college without drinking.

He got panchriatitis and was told by his doctor that if he drank alcohal it would have really bad repructions and could even mean death. So he never drank at all...

Then later he goes to another one of his doctors and somehow they got on the subject of it. His new doctor said that the other one was mistaken and that his case was not chronic enough for alcohal to cause a problem. As long as he didn't go way way over board there was no reason he shouldnt be able to drink.

He was so furious but happy at the same time. I still think his parents told the doctor to tell him he couldnt drink to keep him from drinking...

[|Zach|]

Huh... I knew a Whitney at NW that had transferred from somewhere.... maybe this is why she didn't say where she transferred from.... "Oh, Shitney!" ROFL
She was really good looking...I mean before the shitting.

[|Zach|]

Damn, two friggin' nights in my life...can't a guy get a second, er third chance around here?

I'll just start by putting Frazod, TJ, Skip, and Zach on iggy; that'll take care of 90% of it. :)
The guy calls us out all the time and know he wants us on ignore. I just need a little consistency in my life. ROFL

[|Zach|]

So, uh... who cleaned up the shit?
Not my party...didnt want to stick aorund to find out...a couple of her girlfriends saw her and start to try and take care of her. We didnt leave her there or anything.

[Demonpenz]

One time i was coming back from a bar walking, and you know when your a kid and you pretend to "Dunk" on tree's or whatever like your Mike jordan. Well i screamed out Oh Huge dunk by Ray and when i went up to hang on a tree branch it fell, only it was a direct TV dish and the guy was watching TV at the time. He came out and it wasn't pretty, i took a ride in the old Police car that night. Oh and then there was this time when i lit a bunch of black cat fireworks on the ground outside a bar and yelled break yourself fools. No one really broke themselves though

[Mr. Kotter]

The guy calls us out all the time and know he wants us on ignore. I just need a little consistency in my life. ROFL

Now, not "know"....now, Zachey poo. :p

[Bearcat]

She was really good looking...I mean before the shitting.

The Whitney I knew at NW was an RA (and was really good looking, too), so she doesn't really fit your story..... on the other hand, I don't know many people that would fit the "take a sh*t in the living room and pass out" story.

[MOhillbilly]

i used to beat the shit out of college kids cause they thought they could use big words in bars and get away w/ it.

[|Zach|]

The Whitney I knew at NW was an RA (and was really good looking, too), so she doesn't really fit your story..... on the other hand, I don't know many people that would fit the "take a sh*t in the living room and pass out" story.
Ya I wonder what someone would have to do to project that while walking on campus short of having shit in their pants. ROFL

[MOhillbilly]

We both looked at eachother laughing but then she decideds to squat down and take a crap right there in this carpeted room...she then fell asleep right there.

...


get any?

[cdcox]

After I finished studying for a P.Chem. quiz one evening a roommate and I decided to tip a few. A few turned into several and I was moderately toasted when I went to bed.

So I wake up in the morning and it is time for class to start. The quiz was scheduled for the end of class and I figure I probably had time to at least get some partial credit. So I throw some clothes on not bothering with persoal hygine and burst into the classroom with 5 minutes left in the class. I explain to the prof (he was oriental, just so you can imagine what followed) that I overslept and says in a loud voice "Have you been drinking?... Don't worry about the quiz, go back to your drinking!"

Guess I should have at least brushed my teeth.

[Mr. Kotter]

i used to beat the shit out of college kids cause they thought they could use big words in bars and get away w/ it.

You mercilessly and brutally physically assaulted college students who attempted to impress you with their vocabulary in alcohol serving establishments--ones who surmised they might be able to do it with impugnity? :hmmm:

[MOhillbilly]

You fuggin' misanthrope.
ill kill ya!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[|Zach|]

i used to beat the shit out of college kids cause they thought they could use big words in bars and get away w/ it.
http://www.mattdamon.com/pm/gallery/gwh13.jpg

[David.]

http://www.mattdamon.com/pm/gallery/gwh13.jpg

ha, that's exactly what I thought of.

[|Zach|]

get any?
Sorry to dissapoint...

[MOhillbilly]

http://www.mattdamon.com/pm/gallery/gwh13.jpg


i dumb and dont know what this means............

[Hammock Parties]

One time I talked about a chick I knew from college on the internet. Somehow she found out and I almost got fired from my job at the university.

This actually has happened TWICE to me. The first time it happened I would have been fired from my job because I got her pics off a workroom computer. But luckily it was at the end of the semester anyway.

Second time you all know about. ROFL

[Jenny Gump]

I was dating this guy who drove a brand new white camaro with light gray interior. He was quite a bit older than me, and was only trying to get some action. I hadn't given in, so one night, he plowed me with Purple Passion. I got so sick and threw up all over his pretty little Camaro interior. He still didn't get any.

hee hee

[|Zach|]

I was dating this guy who drove a brand new white camaro with light gray interior. He was quite a bit older than me, and was only trying to get some action. I hadn't given in, so one night, he plowed me with Purple Passion. I got so sick and threw up all over his pretty little Camaro interior. He still didn't get any.

hee hee
Didn't you get that bill in the mail from me?

[Jenny Gump]

One more...in college, my roommate and I rented a nice apartment on the South side instead of slumming it around campus. There were lots of young marrieds in our complex. We had a party one night, and we all decided to go down to the hottub but of course, we did this without our clothes on. We created quite a scene, and my roommate and I actually had an eviction warning. People are so stuffy. What's wrong with 15 naked college kids in a hottub?

[beavis]

on the other hand, I don't know many people that would fit the "take a sh*t in the living room and pass out" story.
That's weird, because I went to NW, and I know a bunch of people that would fit that story.

[Donger]

Hmmm, don't really have any good ones. I did fall off the balcony of my apartment once. Upon reflection, passing out while laying on the balcony looking at the stars was probably not the best decision I've ever made.

[Eleazar]

Bahahahahaa

Purple Passion

People used to drink that?

I think the same four bottles of that were sitting in the cooler at Hy-Vee my entire tenure in Maryville.

[Donger]

I hadn't given in, so one night, he plowed me with Purple Passion.

Holy sh*t. You guys know we do that?

[Bearcat]

get any?

I want someone to take a dump on my chest



Wow, two Not Another Teen Movie references in one week....

[MOhillbilly]

I was at a college party (Even though i only have 3 credits) and my brother comes up to me and tells me someone is messing w/ my other brothers truck so i go drag EZ off some skank and tell him whats going on and he goes HEMAN runs outta the house screaming.

So were following the guys now as they head for the car and chad is in front EZ behind and chads talking shit and the guy in the rear turns and says * do you want some SHHHHHHH* and i punch him out.

Funniest part was EZ and i are punching each other trying to stomp the same guy.dug my thumb into some dude eye socket. ect.

cops shows up in mass,come to find out girls house the party was at her old man was a GC DS.
and noone went to jail.

[|Zach|]

The KA house at Mizzou had this thing in their charter where they have a cannon in the front of their house. This cannon is always pointed at the black cultural center of the house but that is a whole other story.

Anyway they decided to shoot it off one day but the thing is not actually functional so they stuffed it with some fireworks and small explosives...things of that nature. They lit it and they got a little more than they bargined for. A huge chunk of the cannon blew away from the main part and flew across the street on to the roof of a house or apartment complex (i cant remember which) it fell through the roof and collided on to a ping pong table where two MU students from China were playing ping pong.

I wish I was making this up...

[MOhillbilly]

The KA house at Mizzou
...

all the dudes i work w/ are KA one of em is def in one ear.them boys like to drink.

[David.]

The KA house at Mizzou had this thing in their charter where they have a cannon in the front of their house. This cannon is always pointed at the black cultural center of the house but that is a whole other story.

Anyway they decided to shoot it off one day but the thing is not actually functional so they stuffed it with some fireworks and small explosives...things of that nature. They lit it and they got a little more than they bargined for. A huge chunk of the cannon blew away from the main part and flew across the street on to the roof of a house or apartment complex (i cant remember which) it fell through the roof and collided on to a ping pong table where two MU students from China were playing ping pong.

I wish I was making this up...

haha, how come I don't ever see anything crazy at the parties I go to? I'm gonna have to go greek.

[Frosty]

We had a party one night, and we all decided to go down to the hottub but of course, we did this without our clothes on. We created quite a scene, and my roommate and I actually had an eviction warning. People are so stuffy. What's wrong with 15 naked college kids in a hottub?

Man, my college experience was soooooooooo boring.

:sulk:

[Bearcat]

That's weird, because I went to NW, and I know a bunch of people that would fit that story.

Well, maybe I should have said hot girls... I lived on a floor of TKE's my freshman year, and my lived on a floor of drunks my senior year... so yeah, I know plenty of guys that would do that. Heck, I've even peed off of someone's front step before, and I'm just a computer nerd.

Girls however... don't think I know of any, or can look at any and think they're capable of doing that..... but maybe I'm just hanging out in the wrong crowd.

[Brianfo]

Went skinny dipping in Lake Luverne at Iowa State University. Needless to say that I spent the night in jail for public intoxication. Also, pissed in the corner of my girlfriend's sorority in their formal living room. She was not happy. Ah good times.

[|Zach|]

all the dudes i work w/ are KA one of em is def in one ear.them boys like to drink.
Ya they are a delight. Be sure to catch one of their meetings. But bring your own hood and your own cross. They will provide a means for lighting it on fire.

[|Zach|]

haha, how come I don't ever see anything crazy at the parties I go to? I'm gonna have to go greek.
Those have all been at Mizzou...around Springfield Greek life is not as much fo a big deal. All the fun is had at house parties.

[CosmicPal]

My freshman year at (university) my friends and I got the late night munchies after a full day and night of drinking and smoking enough ganja to make even Bob Marley look like a non-smoker. :hmmm:

Anyways, so someone gets the bright idea of raiding the campus cafeteria. It's 3AM and we figured there'd be no way we'd get into the cafeteria, but we go ahead and try anyways. Out of sheer luck or stupidity, one of the doors to the cafeteria is actually left unlocked! So, we did what wewere set there to do- raid the cafeteria!

We took everything we could get our hands on- mostly food. I, at that time, fortunately had one of those mini-fridges back at my room, so I took stuff out of the fridge while the other guys mostly took the dry food.

A week later, same kind of night- all of us stoned and drunk and stumbling around campus when one of the guys suggest we try and raid the cafeteria again. Most of us decided against the idea since it'd been done before and the university already knew about our previous raid. We all agreed that if the doors were all locked, we'd just go home hungry.

So, we stealthily meander over to the cafeteria making sure no-one was watching. A few of the guys went around the building to check the doors when all of a sudden one of the dudes starts screaming and comes running around the side of the building being chased by security in, of all things, a freakin' golf cart! And then we hear another scream and another one of our buddies comes racing around the other side of the building- also being chased by security in a golf cart.

I didn't know whether or not to laugh or run. We all did what we had to do- RUN! The entire race back home I was laughing so hard with tears streaming down my eyes. There must have been a dozen of us and the two security cops simply focused on a single guy while the rest of us raced on laughing....

None of us ever got caught, and we never went near the cafeteria again, at night.

[MOhillbilly]

Ya they are a delight. Be sure to catch one of their meetings. But bring your own hood and your own cross. They will provide a means for lighting it on fire.

Yeah i work w/ a 4th & 5th generation of R.E.L.

[David.]

My freshman year at (university) my friends and I got the late night munchies after a full day and night of drinking and smoking enough ganja to make even Bob Marley look like a non-smoker.

Anyways, so someone gets the bright idea of raiding the campus cafeteria. It's 3AM and we figured there'd be no way we'd get into the cafeteria, but we go ahead and try anyways. Out of sheer luck or stupidity, one of the doors to the cafeteria is actually left unlocked! So, we did what we set there to do- raid the cafeteria!

We took everything we could get our hands on- mostly food. I, at that time, fortunately had one of those mini-fridges back at my room, so I took stuff out of the fridge while the other guys mostly took the dry food.

A week later, same kind of night- all of us stoned and drunk and stumbling around campus when one of the guys suggest we try and raid the cafeteria again. Most of us decided against the idea since it'd been done before and the university already knew about our previous raid. We all agreed that if the doors were all locked, we'd just go home hungry.

So, we stealthily meander over to the cafeteria making sure no-one was watching. A few of the guys went around the building to check the doors when all of a sudden one of the dudes starts screaming and comes running around the side of the building being chased by security in, of all things, a freakin' golf cart! And then we hear another scream and another one of our buddies comes racing around the other side of the building- also being chased by security in a golf cart.

I didn't know whether or not to laugh or run. We all did what we had to do- RUN! The entire race back home I was laughing so hard with tears streaming down my eyes. There must have been a dozen of us and the two security cops simply focused on a single guy while the rest of us raced on laughing....

None of us ever got caught, and we never went near the cafeteria again, at night.

aha, awesome.

[Mile High Mania]

This is kinda funny...

Our sophomore year we went to this party in town... so it was a mix of college kids and "townies". We knew a good number of folks, but my roommate was hitting on this girl and really trying to work it.

About an hour later, we saw some friends out in the street talking by a jeep. There's this guy in the jeep with the chic my buddy was hitting on and they looked like they had been in "deep discussions". The girl gets out and goes to the house.

This guy proceeds to tell us how he took the girl to get smokes and on the way to store, she blew him and took it all. We all sat out there for about 20 minutes drinking beers and decided we were going to another party.

My buddy comes out and is a bit upset we're leaving...

Well, it turns out the girl found him inside (she was kinda drunk) and decided to warm up to his advances. He was making out with her not 15 minutes after going down on this guy.

We were laughing our asses off and said "just get in the car, dude, we're outta here". We got to the next party... still laughing ... so we told the tale. My buddy spent the next 2 minutes hurling on the street.

Classic.

[Mile High Mania]

I have so many stupid drunken stories...

ENDelt - if we ever have the chance to meet, we'll swap stories over a case (or 2) of beer. If the kids go to bed early enough, I'll come back and post a few.

One more quick one...

I went to a small liberal arts college, so the community was very close. We couldn't have beer on campus until my senior year. Also, we were in a dry county and a road trip for beer was an hour round trip.

Anyway - this was either my sophomore or junior year, but me and a buddy made the trek to get beer and we bought for several people.

We get out of the car with a huge cooler filled with 4-5 cases of beer, the rest was in the car. We're carrying the cooler between the dorms and apartments on campus when the RD stops us .. at 7pm on a Friday night.

She took the cooler (with her husband's help) and told us she would write us up and was taking the cooler to the Dean of Students house down the road.

We were freaking out. Then, we learned the Dean and his family were gone for the weekend. On a whim, we cruised by his house... and found the cooler and a note on his back porch.

So, we took both.

That Monday, I got a call to the Dean's office... I admitted to getting busted, but denied the recovery of the beer. He smiled and said "first warning on the beer... and don't visit my house anymore".

I was stressed, but he was a cool guy. He later (the following year) appointed me Chief Justice of the Student Honor Court for some odd reason.

[Dave Lane]

i used to beat the shit out of college kids cause they thought they could use big words in bars and get away w/ it.

Why does that not surprise me. And by the way "CAT" is not that big of a word. ROFL ROFL

Dave

[Mile High Mania]

ENDelt - did you say you live in Tucson in another thread?

[Donger]

I don't know if this is funny or not, but I got attacked by a red-tailed hawk when I was in college. I was out in the middle of nowhere Kansas on a long bike ride. I was heading home when I noticed this shadow following me. I looked over my shoulder repeatedly, trying to figure out what it was when all of a sudden, the godd*mn hawk jumps on my head. Of course, I freaked out, not knowing what it was yet.

That f*cking bird kept landing on my head for about five miles. Scratched the crap out of my head and tore up my shirt.

I later asked some ornithology geek WTF it was thinking. He told me that some birds get really aggressive if they perceive a threat near their nest. I can only assume that it was a female protecting her nest or something.

Or she hated dirty legs.

[angel]

I was at a party, we were hanging outside on the porch and two naked guys walked up and started having a conversation with some of us. Then they decided to continue on their way down the street... naked.


I was at a different party at the same house, it was cold outside, so we were all inside. Actually, I was home with my underage friends playing poker while others were at the bars. They called me needing a ride to the party, so I went. I didn't drink, but I have never laughed so hard as I did that night. This one might turn out to be me rambling adding info that may or may not be interesting:

I was having a heart-to-heart at the bar in the "den" with my increasingly drunken roommate. He was mixing drinks for people- pretty much just putting whatever he could find into them. One of them had pineapple juice, rootbeer schnapps, everclear, and at least two or three more things that I didn't see him put in there. It was pretty funny to watch people try to drink it.
Then these two guys sat down at the piano and proceeded to compose a beautiful 30 minute sonata. During which, I said to my roommate how the music was making me want to take my clothes off. Later, he told the two guys what I had said, and they asked excitedly if I would take my clothes off if they played again. I said, no, the moment had passed, I was no longer feeling it. (My roommate wasn't supposed to have told them what I had said). So they asked if they took their pants off and played a song, would I take mine off? I was curious to see if they'd do it, so I said "maybe". They proceeded to take their pants off and go play another, not-so-clothing-removal-worthy song. Three other people who were in the room decided it would be a good time to take their pants off as well. One of which was my roommate (who is very shy when it comes to clothing removal). I was laughing so hard at this point, I was on the floor. They were a little dissappointed when I didn't remove any clothing, but they were having enough fun that it didn't matter too much to them.
I wish I'd had a camera. The two pantless guys playing piano with three other pantless people dancing around was priceless.

[Mile High Mania]

Two gay piano players... go figure.

[Saulbadguy]

I don't know if this is a college story or not, but at last years K-State vs KU game, at Manhattan, someone snuck a couple live chickens in to the student section. They were spray painted blue, and they were running around the bleachers. It was quite amusing. I guess its more of a college sports story. I don't have many college stories, as I never went to college.

[Skip Towne]

I don't know if this is a college story or not, but at last years K-State vs KU game, at Manhattan, someone snuck a couple live chickens in to the student section. They were spray painted blue, and they were running around the bleachers. It was quite amusing. I guess its more of a college sports story. I don't have many college stories, as I never went to college.
They used to throw red and blue painted dead chickens onto the court. Those K-Staters sure are witty.

[JakeT]

My senior year I went to hang out with some buddies who went to MU. After getting plastered at this bar we were heading home to their huge Apartment complex and I decided I knew where I was going so I could get some Taco Bell and meet them later. When I got to their apartment the door was open and all the lights were off - so I did what any drunk would do - stripped down to my boxers and passed out on the couch. At a about 7 am I was awoken by screaming china man who was about as scared as hell to a have 225 pound half naked man sleeping on his couch. -- Suprisingly enough I only missed the apartment by one flloor...

[Saulbadguy]

I thought you went to Washburn...
Well, if you want to call a total of 9 credit hours college...:)

[Mr. Kotter]

I decided not to be a attention whore....rep whore....post whore....the details are too titilating.... :shake:

[|Zach|]

I decided not to be a attention whore....rep whore....post whore....the details are too titilating.... :shake:
What?

What does this have to do with the thread.

[Mr. Kotter]

What?

What does this have to do with the thread.

Fraz and Skip will attempt to frame my portrayal of my college experiences as trite, and "whoring," so as the 'new' Rob...I am attempting to refrain from such self-indulgence. :shrug:

[|Zach|]

Fraz and Skip will attempt to frame my portrayal of my college experiences as trite, and "whoring," so as the 'new' Rob...I am attempting to refrain from such self-indulgence. :shrug:
Why you let other people control how you post is beyond me...

[David.]

Fraz and Skip will attempt to frame my portrayal of my college experiences as trite, and "whoring," so as the 'new' Rob...I am attempting to refrain from such self-indulgence. :shrug:

why don't you stop acting like a bitch and post your story. If not, don't bring it up.

[|Zach|]

why don't you stop acting like a bitch and post your story. If not, don't bring it up.
Bingo...

[Mr. Kotter]

why don't you stop acting like a bitch and post your story. If not, don't bring it up.

Soph, Junior, or Senior stories? WHICH ones? :shrug:

[David.]

Soph, Junior, or Senior stories? WHICH ones? :shrug:

ROFL whichever ones you want. That's the what's great about it.

[Iowanian]

I was dating this guy who drove a brand new white camaro with light gray interior. He was quite a bit older than me, and was only trying to get some action. I hadn't given in, so one night, he plowed me with Purple Passion. I got so sick and threw up all over his pretty little Camaro interior. He still didn't get any.

hee hee

A gal once barfed that stuff all over the inside of the door of my car....It wasn't new, wasn't very nice, and I wasn't trying to Bone her........Took her and a friend who had barfed on herself to a carwash....had them get out, sprayed the inside of the door....and them. Hosed them down like a dirty Pinto. Talk about a redbelly.

[Iowanian]

What is the statute of limitations in Missouri?

I got a couple that could Contend for a medal.

[Spicy McHaggis]

This is less funny and more so disgusting. But I went to MU to hang out and party with a bunch of my friends. It was a good time and everything was kind of winding down. Alot of people were asleep and I was talking to a buddy of mine on a couch.

While we were talking a girl walked in. She looked really drunk and she was walking around. We were looking at her trying to figure out if she needed some help or not. A few seconds later she pulls her shorts and panties down out of nowhere. We both looked at eachother laughing but then she decideds to squat down and take a crap right there in this carpeted room...she then fell asleep right there.

This poor girl happened to be in a sorority and her name was Whitney. Soon enough the whole greek universe found out and she was dubbed "Shitney" on campus. She ended up transferring...

Something along those lines happened to me. I drank far beyond my constitution at the bars one night and ended up getting separated from my friends. This girl I had been talking to all night offered me a ride home, I accepted and we ended up in her dorm room. More shots at the dorm lead to drunken sex. At about 5 in the morning I hear her walking around the room. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not at the time but I see her pull down her panties and proceed to piss on the floor. For some reason I don't think much of it and pass back out. I wake up a few hours later thinking the earlier image had been a dream. I glance over to the corner to see the same spot covered in wet newspaper. Awkwardness overcame me. I think I mumbled something like "I must go now. My planet needs me." and ran like mad.

[|Zach|]

What is the statute of limitations in Missouri?

I got a couple that could Contend for a medal.
That was already depicted in your old avatar with the hog.

[Mr. Kotter]

ROFL whichever ones you want. That's the what's great about it.

OK, my Soph year, a buddy and I go out to celebrate KU's victory over Number ONE ranked OU....go to Louise's; Foghorn's; and Moody's (on fake ID's). Several beers and a few shots later, we head to Johnny's...to see my roomate who is in a punk rock band; a couple of Alpha Phi's try persuading us to "stay"....to no avail. We end up at the "Jazz House" with my buddiy's Coasta Rican friend, and her roomate....a Scottish chick. Both provided us with much entertainment and pleasure throughout the rest of the evening....untill we decided to walk home; as we were too "under the influence" to drive.

We go back to my dorm room at Naismith Hall, and check out the "action" across Naismith Dr. at Oliver Hall.....a girl who wanted me, in particular; she and a friend had left their blinds "open" and Steve and I struggled over access to the telescope as Nancy and Tia were "experimenting".....I decide to call, to see if they need any "help," they don't answer their phone....then I called for one ring, hung up....and called another one ring....hung up....my "signal" to Nancy....she stops, calls me and invites Steve and I over to "help" her and Tia through their 'fun.' On the way over, security/rent-a-cops gave Steve and I "sobriety" tests that we somehow "passed."

We went to separate rooms, and after 3 hours of "playing" went to breakfast at Perkiins....

[Rausch]

That was already depicted in your old avatar with the hog.

Wrong guy man...

[Mr. Kotter]

Better:

a local Lawrence gal who worked at one of the KU bookstores meets me at the Paladium for dancing and fun....she's hot, I'm horny; you know the rest....we head back to my "townhouse" that I share with 3 roomates (2 male, 1 female.) We head to my "room"--a 'loft' over the Living Room and fireplace.

After things get "reved" up, my roomates come home. "Link" decides he's hungry when he gets home. He had been one who had insisted on labels, to prevent us from "stealing" other's food. Well, he decided to eat some unlabeled brownies--"special" brownies. Link wondered around for two days, high as a kite--as a "goody two shoes" Link was WIRED....constantly working and cleaning the house during that week. ROFL The other four of us, laughed our asses off at him. ROFL

[Rausch]

Better:

a local Lawrence gal who worked at one of the KU bookstores meets me at the Paladium for dancing and fun....she's hot, I'm horny; you know the rest....we head back to my "townhouse" that I share with 3 roomates (2 male, 1 female.)

I'm done with this story...

[Mr. Kotter]

I'm done with this story...

All they did, AFTERWARD....was, yell up to the balcony...."Hey, Rob....'get off the babysitter.'" It didn't turn into a twisted orgy....sorry.
:p

[David.]

I can't read stories with quotes

[Mr. Kotter]

Others will have to wait until later...

[|Zach|]

Awesome prank Farva.

[|Zach|]

You could've ended your post right here.
Be careful, if you speak out against SD to much he will label you as gay. But speaking out against him has an interesting side effect like controlling how he posts...which might not be all bad.

[|Zach|]

You're confusing Iowanian w/ MOHillbilly
Ah yes, thats it.

[KcMizzou]

How the f*ck special were those brownies?

I've eaten my share of pot, and I've never been "wired" for two days.I'm thinkin' he got this idea from a movie.

[David.]

that's what we call METH hurr in the pb.

[KcMizzou]

Besides... since when does pot get you "wired"? Didn't work that way for me.

[KcMizzou]

I was thinking he just made it up... but, perhaps I haven't seen a movie you have. "pot" = "drugs"? Hell... I don't know.

[Ultra Peanut]

Be careful, if you speak out against SD to much he will label you as gay. But speaking out against him has an interesting side effect like controlling how he posts...which might not be all bad.SD = sausage swallower

[jagerdrinker]

I'll condense this one...

I was in the US Marine Reserve during my formative years at Michigan State University...it's drill weekend, and I have 15 jarheads staying at my house...we all get loaded up at the local bar and head home for some late night grub...the microwave breaks about 5 minutes into pizza reheating...so we all put on our camouflage utilities and paint camo paint on our faces (if you haven't had the pleasure of seeing 15 drunk Marines try to put on cammie paint, you haven't lived)...and I make the command decision that we will go and take the microwave from the basement of the frat house that is two blocks down...we all stumble drunkenly through the darkness of a nearby park and up to the frat house where we proceed as quietly as 15 drunk men can into the frat, take the microwave, and lug it back to my house with all of the stealth of 15 drunken elephants for more drinking and HOT pizza.

This microwave was not much better than my old one, but it was functional, so we were very excited. Fast forward one month, drill weekend again...EXACT same thing happens...we get shit faced, head home, and the crappy microwave that we have stolen breaks early on in food warming. So, we all cammie up again, and take the microwave back to the frat house, and swap it out for the BRANK SPANKING NEW ONE that they've purchased and put in the same spot (without locking the doors.)

A year later, I was invited to a party at this frat house, and they were still FUMING about who would ever do such a thing. Suppressing my laughter was a monumental task.

[Skip Towne]

Fraz and Skip will attempt to frame my portrayal of my college experiences as trite, and "whoring," so as the 'new' Rob...I am attempting to refrain from such self-indulgence. :shrug:
Attempt Hell!!! We'll DO it.

[Baby Lee]

Freshman week, a group of us got good and buzzed. My buddy walked into a school building, grabbed the fire extinguisher and sprayed all of us. Then his GF hopped a squat and pissed on the quad. No repurcussions.

The wonder of going to school in a small town. Our weekly thing in band was to party our asses off Friday night, then mosey with our horns down to the practice field , where we'd have marching band runthrough at 7:00 am, lay down our coats, and go to sleep. We'd wake up when everyone else started arriving.

Middle of Freshman year, we had the biggest 4 person dorm on campus. we decided to throw a blowout and the RAs busted us with about $500 in liquor sitting on our two coffee tables. Amazingly, no repurcussions outside of ditching the liquor.

Junior year, went on a band trip and me and two of my buddies went batshit insane and split a 1.75 liter in about 1/2 an hour. Two hours later I had a girl hitting on me. Went to her hotel room. Started a 'little sumthin sumthin' with her roommates over on the over bed. Room started spinning, I hopped up, staggered to the bathroom, puked my guts out, and return to finish the deed. Never spoke to her again.

A random party in the winter, a buddy finished his 20th beer, abruptly stood up, walked to the door, fell off the porch and started puking. Once done, he nonchalantly stood back up, and walked down the street with his head held high. Found him the next morning sitting in his car down the street, passed out, having pissed his drivers seat.

[Saulbadguy]

Gotcha.

Sorry if I touched a sore spot. Didn't mean to pull an SDChiefsFan on ya... just was confused.
Nope. I'm just eternally a "student", I think. I really hate school, and I usually go to a night class once every year and a half or so. I haven't been in awhile, but thinking of going back.

[teedubya]

OK, my Soph year, a buddy and I go out to celebrate KU's victory over Number ONE ranked OU....go to Louise's; Foghorn's; and Moody's (on fake ID's). Several beers and a few shots later, we head to Johnny's...to see my roomate who is in a punk rock band; a couple of Alpha Phi's try persuading us to "stay"....to no avail. We end up at the "Jazz House" with my buddiy's Coasta Rican friend, and her roomate....a Scottish chick. Both provided us with much entertainment and pleasure throughout the rest of the evening....untill we decided to walk home; as we were too "under the influence" to drive.

We go back to my dorm room at Naismith Hall, and check out the "action" across Naismith Dr. at Oliver Hall.....a girl who wanted me, in particular; she and a friend had left their blinds "open" and Steve and I struggled over access to the telescope as Nancy and Tia were "experimenting".....I decide to call, to see if they need any "help," they don't answer their phone....then I called for one ring, hung up....and called another one ring....hung up....my "signal" to Nancy....she stops, calls me and invites Steve and I over to "help" her and Tia through their 'fun.' On the way over, security/rent-a-cops gave Steve and I "sobriety" tests that we somehow "passed."

We went to separate rooms, and after 3 hours of "playing" went to breakfast at Perkiins....

nice "story"... if that is what you call "it"

[teedubya]

So I hook up with this drunk chick at a bar on Mass St in Lawrence... too drunk to remember which bar... [I lived right across from Memorial Stadium on Mississippi...]

anyway... I pick up this chick or rather she picks me up... and we go back to her house on 11th-ish and Tennessee. I lived 11th & Miss... but whatever, we go to her house, since we wer both walking... it was much closer.

Apparently she lived with her boyfriend, but didnt bother to tell me that. We get to her house, I have to take a piss... so I go to her bathroom and she comes in... and watches me piss. Well after I get done pissing, and not fully shaken dry, if I recall... she gets on her knees and starts sucking me off.

Well she comes up and wants to kiss me... I obviously aint having any of that, Miss Pissmouth. But we start ****ing in her bathroom... on the counter in the bathroom. Well she has a curling iron on the counter and she left it on before going drinking, apparently cuz when we were having sex, I picked her up and was holding her legs while standing up going deep... well as I orgasm, I sit her ass on the counter and she burns her ass on the curling iron...

Well apparently her boyfriend is home. She is screaming about her ass... He is yelling from the other room and asking if everything was "okay, honey".

I shot my load so I get my pants up... I am kinda shocked to hear another dude in the house and ask who it is... her boyfriend. I ask her if she is a ****ing idiot...well he comes to the bathroom door and opens it, since it is not locked.

Well instinct takes over... I pop the dude with leftjab to the sternum and a right hook to the throat, push the dude down and get the **** out of the house, and run up 11th on my way home.

Well i notice that I dont have my keys... Luckily when I would go out, I would only take my house key on a jayhawk key ring... so, I cant get into my house.

And I have to walk about 3 miles to my buddys house and crashout over there.

What a fiasco. Interestingly enough, I didnt stumble across the ho or the boyfriend ever again.

[angel]

Was mcan any of the people in that story?
he was home playing poker with our under 21 friends

[Iowanian]

Freshman year, some galpals thought it would be a good idea to start a prank war with Iowanian and his roomate. bad Idea. They broke into our dorm, destroyed it, took my piggy bank and our VCR. Everything upside down or on the floor.

We had another galpal on their floor who taped their door latch for us. While they are in class, we go up to their room, dump their "unmentionables" drawers into their pillow cases, leave a note that All of the missing contents could be found at Center Court of the Gym on the bearcat.

We also put a brown paper bag, labeld "free brownies" in their refrigerator. The only problem was that while the ingredients included peanuts.....the body was a large Iowani-turd.

That pretty much ended it.

[Iowanian]

End of Freshman year...day before Finals. Iowanian and friends get pretty shitfaced in the afternoon.

Heading back to dorm, see large crowd in front of dorm. Dominos Pizza lady carrying in stack of pizza and soda....drops some stuff everywhere..I tell her its mine and that I don't want dropped pizza and shaken soda.....eventually come clean....receives expected laughing and taunting.....Is Atomic Bitch in return....proceeds inside.

We notice her car is left unattended....running...windows open. Iowanian is dared to take the car for a lap, but wisely declines due to his intoxication, and another incident that year with dominoes that ended in broken bones and shooting by the delivery guy.

Did think it was a good idea to turn in off and pocket keys........

She comes out, realizes what happend...Throws nuclear Bitch fit.....Iowanian tosses bitch keys and goes to room.

Later, hear ruckus outside....campus safety is rodney kingin' a guy.......go outside and find out their taking him down for "stealing the pizza car".

I stepped in and said he didn't do it...why...because I did...yada yada yada.

6am..Iowanian awakend by bad on tit in face pulling him from top bunk.

Bullshit charges filed, Purgery by delivery chic.

County/city dropped quickly, campus being dicks......sent to campus jury thing first of next year.

The gal isn't there, the statement is total bullshit that never happened. Iowanian is honest about what happend, that it was a joke....Iowanian hit with Large mallet of Campus Douchebags.

Moral.
Never tell cops shit, make them prove everything. Honesty not the answer.

Not funny story, but lesson learned.

[Iowanian]

Some guys I knew(not really well) over a break thought it would be funny to pull one on the delivery guy....

Basically, when he walked up to their house, one jumped out of the bushes, grabbed the pizzas and took off running...while another jumped in the Dominomobile and started to drive away.

The delivery guy tackled the Hamburgler, breaking his ankle, pulled out his 9mm, bashed him in the brain, and unloaded it on his own car as it drove away.

I hate Dominos.

[KcMizzou]

The delivery guy tackled the Hamburgler, breaking his ankle, pulled out his 9mm, bashed him in the brain, and unloaded it on his own car as it drove away.

I hate Dominos.:eek: Good lord!

[Mr. Kotter]

nice "story"... if that is what you call "it"

You are right; it was pathetic.... :shake:

[Mr. Kotter]

Good lord.... I'm pretty sure that story would've sucked without the abuse of bold and quotes.

Yeah, I remember it a lot better than it came across last night....the delivery sure sucked. My bad. :banghead:

[Calcountry]

Well there were a lot of funny chit that went down, like the Ground Hogs day party. Then there was the gettin laid while our wing in the Dorm was having a Halloween Haunted house.

But the funniest thing was when some dumb drunkard like you Delt, pushed a sofa from the third floor window of our dorm lobby, and it smashed to smithereens on the floor. Luckily no one got hurt.

[Rain Man]

I liked jagerdrinker's story, for those of you who haven't read it.


Here's the most exciting story from my college days. In my freshman year, I was unused to seeing mature college women. In my chemistry class, I sat down, and then right next to me sat a woman who had a stunning, gravity-defying, Frank-Lloyd-Wright-cantilevering, 22 year-old, senior-class figure. I stared at her breasts so brazenly that she moved the next class period and stayed away from me thereafter.

My college years weren't very exciting, in retrospect.

[Iowanian]

This guy I know put green food coloring in the admin building fountain, and detergent in another time.

Tiiiiiiny Bubbles........

[KcMizzou]

The delivery guy tackled the Hamburgler, breaking his ankle, pulled out his 9mm, bashed him in the brain, and unloaded it on his own car as it drove away.

I hate Dominos. When I first read this, I thought it said "blasted" him in the brain...

[CosmicPal]

I probably shouldn't tell this, but what the hey...

This female friend of mine told me of her impending birthday on the horizon and asked if I'd take her out on her birthday. I was a bit surprised, but she was a kewl gal, so I said, "Sure, what do you want to do?"

She indicated to me she wanted to trip out (drop acid) on her birthday. I told her it wasn't such a good idea and that she should reconsider. She said it was her 20th and wasn't any milestone of a birthday; and really wanted to try it- particularly on her birthday. I repeatedly suggested she just hang with the girls and get drunk, but to no avail- she insisted. At this time, I was sharing an off-campus house with three other students, so I told her to come by that Saturday afternoon, if indeed that's what she wanted to do.

So, she shows up. I again ask her if this is how she really wants to spend her birthday, she replied with a resounding, yes. We drop and sit around chatting and listening to some Dead music. I'm smiling and having a good time while she tries to pay attention to the music, all the while, sitting on the floor indian style. A half hour goes by and she says, "This sucks! I'm not feeling anything."
"Well, I am. Just give it some time."
A half hour later she says she still doesn't feel anything, so I suggest we take a walk around the park and maybe some clean fresh air will liven her up. We get to the park and she locates a swing. "OH MY GAWD! I LOVE SWINGS!"
So, we saunter over to the swingset. A mother is pushing her daughter in one of the swings and the only one available happens to be next to them. My friend jumps into the swing, "Push me like REALLY high."
I push her from behind, "HIGHER!"
Again, I push and push, all the while, she is laughing out loud and screaming, "HIGHER! HIGHER!"
The mother doesn't know what to think and is rather disturbed that two young adults could find such profound enjoyment in a swing. She lets he daughter down and leaves.

I suggest we leave the park before we get discovered. On the way home we pass this house with a giant weeping willow in the front yard. I stop and point at the weeping willow, "Oh, those are my favorite trees."
My friend leans next to me and says, "Oh, it's beautiful. What's it called?"
"It's called a weeping willow."
Her eyes and mouth widen, "NOOOOOOOOOO. You do not say?"
"Yep. See how the long dangling branches reach downward as though the tree is weeping?"
"OH MY GAWD! That is the saddest thing!"

She dashes over to the weeping willow and grabs an armful of branches and embraces them like a child. "You poor thing! You poor, poor tree."
My friend is now weeping. She moves underneath the tree and actually gets down on her knees to hug the tree trunk. "You poor tree. BWAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAA"
She's freakin' crying out loud. I saunter over to the tree, "Uhhhh, we gotta get going before someone hears you. C'mon."
Just then, the owner of the house steps out onto his porch, "What the hell is going on out here?"
"Oh nothing sir."
All the while my friend is sitting under the tree crying, so I whisper to her, "C'mon! We've got to go..."
The man shouts as he walks toward us, "Is there something wrong with her?"
I looked at her, and then looked at the strange man. I didn't know what to do, 'cause I myself was trippin, so I just screamed, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" and ran back toward the house. Apparently this got my friend running after me too. As soon as we reached the house, I shut the door and we ran downstairs and we both started laughing our azzes off for awhile. The rest of the night I can't share with you....

[craneref]

My friends and I built a "War Machine" basically 12 ft of surgical rubber tied like a rubber band with a cut off jean leg to make a pocket, instant industrial size slingshot, will throw a water balloon forever. Anyway sitting on the top of our three story dorm one moonlit night, trying to find things to shoot water balloons at, when across the street we saw another student carrying home a pizza box across this wide ope grassy area. One of my friends says that he is going to knock the pizza box out of this guys hands, we figure no way, just be lucky to get him wet. So he loaded up a balloon, had us hold the ends in the perfect position and fired one up into the dark. We all ran to the edge of dorm and look and the lonely figure waling across the farily well lit field, and then as if an invisible hand came from no where, his pizza box was ripped from his hands. He looks all around knowing that there is no where for anybody to hide, and the closest bushes are too far away to throw balloons from. So after an intense look around, he shook his head and picked up his pizza box anc continued walking towards the dorm, meanwhile we are rolling on the ground laughing, not only a perfect shot, but a called perfect shot, but the best finish to this story, is we scramble up, still laughing nearly hysterically to fire another shot at the poor kid. By now he is approaching some trees and the balloon hits the trees and showers him with water, he then looks up to the sky and yells "You have already ruined my pizza, what else do you want!" That was over 20 years ago and the friends that were that night still talk about it, and we still laugh just as hysterically.

[Ultra Peanut]

By now he is approaching some trees and the balloon hits the trees and showers him with water, he then looks up to the sky and yells "You have already ruined my pizza, what else do you want!"ROFL