CosmicPal
02-28-2005, 08:55 AM
Thank you, thank you. I would like to take this time to thank my agent, my family, my friends, and my ex-roommate for making this all possible.
Ok....so, I didn't win an Oscar, but I DID make the Best of Craigslist! Yea, baby!
http://denver.craigslist.org/about/best/den/57066596.html
"To Those Who Are Saying,"Gawd, I Could Really Use A Couch"
Hi.
For starters: Upon reading the title I must warn you now- Don't get your hopes up. It is true the couch is free. BUT, and you must read this now and forever remember it for your own good- it is not all that usable, if usable is even a word.
It is an old sectional couch that my old roommate left behind. The thing was enormous and nearly suffocated the entire living room area. Well, that and the fact she also had the world's largest coffee table- big enough to fit 35,000 caffeine-stoked Starbuck's patrons around for one giddy old time.
Well, like I said- she moved out. Just so you know- her then fiance' cheated on her, and to make things worse- he's now marrying the one he cheated on her with. Not that this has anything to do with the couch other than the fact I thought you might find it interesting. Anyways, so she's broken-hearted and I honestly felt sorry for her big-time. I really did. She got really drunk after that and kissed me, but I didn't take advantage of her like I know some asshats would. And we certainly didn't do it on the couch. But, a few days later she decided to leave town for good and in the process- pretty much leaves everything behind.
Anyhoo, I didn't like the couch myself, so I took the thing out and put it on the patio. But, then I didn't want to come off like I was some hee-hawing hillbilly with sofa sitting outside, so I then decided to put it in the garage. The only thing is, I couldn't quite get it in the garage- so I kinda just squeezed it through the door with all my might. Not to mention, the cushions are no longer cushiony, if cushiony is even a word.
So, the bottom line is this: I have this crappy looking sectional sofa thingy that serves absolutely no purpose other than the fact it's taking up a considerable amount of precious space in my garage right now. I'm too lazy to call someone to haul it away, so instead I'm posting it here on dear old craigslist to see if anyone would want this thing that has no cushions and to be openly honest- looks like bleh.
Just to reiterate: Crappy looking sectional. No cushions. Sat outside for some time. Squeezed through garage door. And NO, I am not giving you slackers the phone number to my ex-roommate.
If you're an artist, you might make some use out of this thing, particularly if you're a sculptor.
If you're a scientist looking for authentic germs and microscopic bugs, you might want this thing.
If you're a married couple trying to save money- please don't call- you'll be very disappointed, but even worse- you'll be wasting both of our times.
Lastly, should you want this thing- you will need a truck or van with a lot of roominess. Puhhhhhleeeze, DO NOT show up in your VW bug and think you can harness this thing on top of your car and drive off into the sunset with it. It won't work and you'll accomplish nothing more than starting a traffic jam on I-25 when the sectional breaks apart on the highway or puts a major indentation into the roof of your car. And gawd knows, you'll be calling me back calling me all kinds of moronic names blaming me for own your stupidity.
Oh, if you're going camping this weekend, this thing might be a good source for your campfires. Just trying to help.
Email if you're interested in the world's worst sectional.
Ok....so, I didn't win an Oscar, but I DID make the Best of Craigslist! Yea, baby!
http://denver.craigslist.org/about/best/den/57066596.html
"To Those Who Are Saying,"Gawd, I Could Really Use A Couch"
Hi.
For starters: Upon reading the title I must warn you now- Don't get your hopes up. It is true the couch is free. BUT, and you must read this now and forever remember it for your own good- it is not all that usable, if usable is even a word.
It is an old sectional couch that my old roommate left behind. The thing was enormous and nearly suffocated the entire living room area. Well, that and the fact she also had the world's largest coffee table- big enough to fit 35,000 caffeine-stoked Starbuck's patrons around for one giddy old time.
Well, like I said- she moved out. Just so you know- her then fiance' cheated on her, and to make things worse- he's now marrying the one he cheated on her with. Not that this has anything to do with the couch other than the fact I thought you might find it interesting. Anyways, so she's broken-hearted and I honestly felt sorry for her big-time. I really did. She got really drunk after that and kissed me, but I didn't take advantage of her like I know some asshats would. And we certainly didn't do it on the couch. But, a few days later she decided to leave town for good and in the process- pretty much leaves everything behind.
Anyhoo, I didn't like the couch myself, so I took the thing out and put it on the patio. But, then I didn't want to come off like I was some hee-hawing hillbilly with sofa sitting outside, so I then decided to put it in the garage. The only thing is, I couldn't quite get it in the garage- so I kinda just squeezed it through the door with all my might. Not to mention, the cushions are no longer cushiony, if cushiony is even a word.
So, the bottom line is this: I have this crappy looking sectional sofa thingy that serves absolutely no purpose other than the fact it's taking up a considerable amount of precious space in my garage right now. I'm too lazy to call someone to haul it away, so instead I'm posting it here on dear old craigslist to see if anyone would want this thing that has no cushions and to be openly honest- looks like bleh.
Just to reiterate: Crappy looking sectional. No cushions. Sat outside for some time. Squeezed through garage door. And NO, I am not giving you slackers the phone number to my ex-roommate.
If you're an artist, you might make some use out of this thing, particularly if you're a sculptor.
If you're a scientist looking for authentic germs and microscopic bugs, you might want this thing.
If you're a married couple trying to save money- please don't call- you'll be very disappointed, but even worse- you'll be wasting both of our times.
Lastly, should you want this thing- you will need a truck or van with a lot of roominess. Puhhhhhleeeze, DO NOT show up in your VW bug and think you can harness this thing on top of your car and drive off into the sunset with it. It won't work and you'll accomplish nothing more than starting a traffic jam on I-25 when the sectional breaks apart on the highway or puts a major indentation into the roof of your car. And gawd knows, you'll be calling me back calling me all kinds of moronic names blaming me for own your stupidity.
Oh, if you're going camping this weekend, this thing might be a good source for your campfires. Just trying to help.
Email if you're interested in the world's worst sectional.