"Man of the House"

[Frankie]

The husband had just finished reading the book "Man of the House."

He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!" I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath,.. guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

His wife replied, "The funeral director."

[wutamess]

Got this joke last week in email.

[keg in kc]

That would be funnier if the words "blow job" were in there somewhere.

[wutamess]

here's another I received: (Quite interesting)

IRAQ - VERY INTERESTING - DID YOU KNOW?

1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq.

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been
in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon,which
was a city in Iraq!

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often
mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq!
However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used
in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia. The word
Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the
Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep
roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant
country in the Bible.
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy
associated it than Iraq.
And also... This is something to think about! Since America is
typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his
Muslim passages... The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic
Bible)

Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a
fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the
lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair
still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of
Allah; and there was peace.

[wutamess]

Another one:
No speaka da language

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in
an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once a more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives!"

"Hey, coola downa lady," said the man. "Who talkin' bouta sexa? I'm
a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi!

[wutamess]

Funniest I've read in a while...

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[wutamess]

Funnest email in a while...
Someone please tell me the answer to # 12.

*** Spoiler alert *** answer's below all except for number 12.

[wutamess]

*** Spoiler alert ***
Answer key...

[Frankie]

Got this joke last week in email.
I got it this morning. Sorry if it is redundant to you. But I hope those who didn't get it ENJOY it. Is that OK with you? :p

[Frankie]

Another one:
No speaka da language

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in
an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once a more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives!"

"Hey, coola downa lady," said the man. "Who talkin' bouta sexa? I'm
a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi!

I got this in the mail some time ago. ;) But thank you for making me remember a good joke.

[Amnorix]

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant
country in the Bible.
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy
associated it than Iraq.
And also... This is something to think about! Since America is
typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his
Muslim passages... The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic
Bible)

Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a
fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the
lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair
still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of
Allah; and there was peace.

Seriously, when you get something like this isn't the FIRST thing that goes through your head "hunh, wonder if that's REALLY true. Maybe I should check snopes or something."?????

For the record, big surprise, it's false.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/quran.asp

[Frankie]

Funniest I've read in a while...

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

ROFL ROFL

[wutamess]

Seriously, when you get something like this isn't the FIRST thing that goes through your head "hunh, wonder if that's REALLY true. Maybe I should check snopes or something."?????

For the record, big surprise, it's false.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/quran.asp

Kind of figured it was fake.

[dwalker41]

About a boy

[Rain Man]

Seriously, when you get something like this isn't the FIRST thing that goes through your head "hunh, wonder if that's REALLY true. Maybe I should check snopes or something."?????

For the record, big surprise, it's false.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/quran.asp


Can you check on whether this verse of the Koran really exists? I got it in a similar e-mail.

Koran (12:3) - For so it is said, Allah saw the battle between the red man and the white horse, and the white horse was covered in oil. The white horse dove at the knees of the red man and angered Allah, and he smote the horse where it lay, using a banner of yellow. Lo and behold, out of the belly of the horse came a rat wearing a cap of salah-ri that was larger than Allah's original vision, and Allah also smote the rat.

[wutamess]

About a boy

WTF?

Did anyone realize that we got blindsided by a noob (with his only post) that came through with an answer to a question from months ago?

Better yet... how in the hell did you pull this thread up from that far?
Were you searching for it or something?

Oh yeah.....





Thanks! :thumb:

[Baby Lee]

Can you check on whether this verse of the Koran really exists? I got it in a similar e-mail.

Koran (12:3) - For so it is said, Allah saw the battle between the red man and the white horse, and the white horse was covered in oil. The white horse dove at the knees of the red man and angered Allah, and he smote the horse where it lay, using a banner of yellow. Lo and behold, out of the belly of the horse came a rat wearing a cap of salah-ri that was larger than Allah's original vision, and Allah also smote the rat.
And lo, when the great horse loses it's horse teeth, the afterlife shall henceforth be a period of great lamentation.

[Rain Man]

And lo, when the great horse loses it's horse teeth, the afterlife shall henceforth be a period of great lamentation.


And yea, the stablemaster of the horse shall have a wife, and that wife shall not age as do mortals when she takes into her a poison, and her bosoms shall grow to great proportions, and she shall remain with golden hair long after she is no longer fertile.

[elvomito]

and shall be rewarded 42 virgins

**gochiefs converts to islam**