I have a theory about C-section kids...

[Simplex3]

Ok, most of the people I've known in life who were born C-section have some stability issues. So here's my theory, let me know what you think:

Squeezing the baby's head during natural birth "activates" them, kind of like squeezing a chemical ice pack. When kids are born C-section they are denied activation and therefore have problems throughout life.

Any medical personell that can help support or reject this theory?


Ok, some of you were taking this WAAAAY to seriously (you know who you are). It was a joke. Have we really reached the point where when something this absurd is posted we actually believe it? I mean, come on, who am I, badgranny or chiefs8me?

[Taco John]

Who are you using for your control group?

[Simplex3]

Who are you using for your control group?
People who where hatched. You can find several on this board.

[elvomito]

interesting...
so when do babies receive their soul/spirit?

[Rausch]

I'm going to forward this to my girlfriend.

You should probably move the family downstairs and take as much food and water as you can...

[mcan]

I was an emergency C-Section. I think I do have some stability issues. I have "intimacy" issues and tend to not think that any girl is good enough. I'm great with people, but TERRIBLE with relationships. My brain just goes on overload when I'm finally around any girl that I ACTUALLY like, and I act like a tool.

When my brother was born (since I had so many birth complications) they didn't even try natural birth. Now that he's in his twenties, he has real emotional problems. He has MAJOR issues with self-control, and acts on instinct often in terribly inappropriate ways. He came out of the closet when he first entered high school (to the family but not to his friends). Naturally, my parents didn't want to hear that and put him in counseling. So, he kept on trying to be straight for 4 years. He had one girlfriend that whole time. After four years, they were a typical couple. They had regular sex, spent TONS of time togther, knew the families, and my bro was even shopping for rings. But, one summer he decided to tell her... "I'm gay, we have to break up." She was devestated and broken. They were really in love too. He was just more attracted to men than her. Very strange (but I guess pretty common) story.


I would think that being a C-section has nothing to do with these kinds of issues, and I would expect that every family has their problems of this sort. If there is blame to be given I would expect that it has more to do with the fact that there has not been a SINGLE healthy man-woman relationship in our family or extended family for us to look up to growing up. My parents were both alcoholics and threw things at each other. My grandfather on my Mom's side died when we were very young, but I hear that he was abusive and alcoholic. My grandfather on my Dad's side I guess was an extreme drunk and (may or may not) have done some things to my aunt when she was a little girl. Of course there was a divorce there, and my grandmother's new husband is a great guy but she yells at him constantly and they sleep in seperate rooms. We also lived in a rather poor neighborhood where there were a lot of single parents and other alcoholic parents. The kids in my neighborhood were for the most part neglected.

Anyway I have some emotional issues, but overall I think I'm a pretty awesome guy and have turned into a pretty normal and functioning member of society despite a very tough childhood. Of course, I swore off alcohol when I was in grade school, and kept that promise to myself. I'm 25 now and I've never had a drink of anything because I hate the stuff and blame it for all my parents' problems, and pretty much most of the problems of the world.

[Chan93lx50]

Then put your head in a vise squeeze the piss out of it!

You will be activated, hell I wasnt born C-section and I am gonna do it!

Wonder if the same theory applies to hookers? Their birth canals have to be pretty damn loose. There is probably not much squeezing going on there.

[the Talking Can]

Squeezing the baby's head during natural birth "activates" them, kind of like squeezing a chemical ice pack.


yeah....do they come with those pop up thermometers too, to let you know when they're done?

[Skip Towne]

I'm going to defer to badgranny on this one. She usually has the answer.

[NewChief]

Wow, we just had our kid via C-Section. I better email my wife and tell her to start squeezing his head quick before he gets screwed up! What sort of tools do you recommend? Vice? Vacuum pump? Channel locks?
:

[stumppy]

I'm going to defer to badgranny on this one. She usually has the answer.

Sorry Skip, she's resting right now. After she read this thread I had to explain to her that it's not only children who need 'activation'. And I was starting to have stability issues and could 'go off' at any second if I wasn't activated soon. Upon hearing this her round heels were activated immediately and she spent the rest of the night on active duty.:D

[patteeu]

My rule of thumb is that when you pull a bizarre theory out of your ass, it is usually wrong. Are there any philosophers out there who can who can help support or reject this rule of thumb?

:p

Seriously, on what do you base this theory of yours, Simplex3?

[jarjar]

Ok, most of the people I've known in life who were born C-section have some stability issues. So here's my theory, let me know what you think:

Squeezing the baby's head during natural birth "activates" them, kind of like squeezing a chemical ice pack. When kids are born C-section they are denied activation and therefore have problems throughout life.

Any medical personell that can help support or reject this theory?


Wow, .. just.... wow.

[Radar Chief]

yeah....do they come with those pop up thermometers too, to let you know when they're done?

That’s momma’s belly button. When it pops out, baby’s ready.

[Mr. Kotter]

My rule of thumb is that when you pull a bizarre theory out of your ass, it is usually wrong. Are there any philosophers out there who can who can help support or reject this rule of thumb?

:p

Seriously, on what do you base this theory of yours, Simplex3?

Hey....the thing is, it's completely "fixable." At some point all they need to do, is find some pregnant woman willing to "squeeze" their heads between their thighs. :thumb:

Problem fixed.

[Mr. Kotter]

Wow, .. just.... wow.

Obviously a "C-section" baby with whom this hits too close to home....heh. ;)

[KingPriest2]

Your theory is nonsense. I know people that were born C-section and they are normal.

[Radar Chief]

My rule of thumb is that when you pull a bizarre theory out of your ass, it is usually wrong. Are there any philosophers out there who can who can help support or reject this rule of thumb?

:p

Seriously, on what do you base this theory of yours, Simplex3?


:shrug: Never know, maybe something to it. I know that going through the birth canal squeezes the liquid from their lungs and helps clear them. Otherwise they have to rough the baby up a little get’em really scream’n to do the same thing.

[Mr. Kotter]

Your theory is nonsense. I know people that were born C-section and they are normal.

Another C-Section kid, no doubt... ;)

[KingPriest2]

Another C-Section kid, no doubt... ;)

Yes you are then.

[NewChief]

In all seriousness, I think there is something with the woman's hormones that happens through labor that aids in the woman's recovery. I've heard that when women have scheduled C-sections (without ever even going into labor) their recovery is much, much harder than women who have C-sections after laboring for a while, which is what happened with my wife. She labored for about 12 hours before the Doctor decided that our baby wasn't going to be delivered vaginally, no matter how long we went (it turned out he was face up, instead of face down, plus he has a HUGE head).

Anyway, her recovery has been great. 8 weeks, and she's dropped 30lbs. and is back to running and working out.

Her next one may be scheduled, so I'll be able to tell you if there was a difference between the two in a couple of years.

[Mr. Kotter]

Yes you are then.

Wow, that was a cool comeback....

[stumppy]

Your theory is nonsense. I know people that were born C-section and they are normal.


And gosh darnit people like me.

[Phobia]

She labored for about 12 hours before the Doctor decided that our baby wasn't going to be delivered vaginally, no matter how long we went (it turned out he was face up, instead of face down, plus he has a HUGE head).


My apologies for that.

[NewChief]

My apologies for that.


Sorry Phil, he's far too handsome for you to have had any part in his inception.

[Phobia]

That one kinda leapt out at ya, didn't it?
I was caught red-handed.

[Phobia]

Sorry Phil, he's far too handsome for you to have had any part in his inception.

Oh, well that's a relief. Plus it's a boy. I don't think I have any male swimmers.

[dilligaf]

I was born C-section. Now every time I leave the house, I jump out the window.

[Iowanian]

I should send out alot of Invoices. If squeezing someone's head activatest the brain, I activated alot of brains in my wrestling career.

Also if this were True.........gochiefs' unit would be the Most Intelligent Human lifeform on earth. He's one star wars pud-whackathon away from solving Hydrogen energy and curing Cancer.

[ROYC75]

Ok, most of the people I've known in life who were born C-section have some stability issues. So here's my theory, let me know what you think:

Squeezing the baby's head during natural birth "activates" them, kind of like squeezing a chemical ice pack. When kids are born C-section they are denied activation and therefore have problems throughout life.

Any medical personell that can help support or reject this theory?

Damn ! :hmmm: I'm going to go put III in a hammerlock, BRB.

[Phobia]

Damn ! :hmmm: I'm going to go put III in a hammerlock, BRB.

ROFL - you've got a lot of catching up to do.

[Radar Chief]

I was born C-section. Now every time I leave the house, I jump out the window.

ROFL :clap:

[ROYC75]

ROFL - you've got a lot of catching up to do.

Heh, 1st one did nothing, guess I'm really far behind the curve. :banghead:

[KcMizzou]

This thread is hilarious....

squeezing heads... :shake:

ROFL

[Rain Man]

Life would be so much better if you could just squeeze the head of a stupid person and make them smart.

For that matter, life would be a little better even if you could just squeeze the head of a stupid person without any effect.

[Mr. Kotter]

Heh, 1st one did nothing, guess I'm really far behind the curve. :banghead:

The other head Roy, the bigger head head....

[Simplex3]

Ok, some of you are taking this WAY too seriously.

For those of you who were looking for actual medical evidence: Relax.

For you C-section types that took offense: That's what this was, a poke at some random people

It's stupid and silly. It's meant to elicit comments like this:

Damn ! :hmmm: I'm going to go put III in a hammerlock, BRB.

:shake:

[chiefs4me]

I better not put in my 2 cents or he will accuse me of ruining his thread and taking all of his attention.....

[Mr. Kotter]

I better not put in my 2 cents or he will accuse me of ruining his thread and taking all of his attention.....

Stick your head in this for a few hours, have someone tighten it down....tight....

Then you can make your contribution. :thumb:

[Simplex3]

I better not put in my 2 cents or he will accuse me of ruining his thread and taking all of his attention.....
I'm sorry, did you say something? I wasn't paying attention.

[patteeu]

Ok, some of you are taking this WAY too seriously.

For those of you who were looking for actual medical evidence: Relax.

For you C-section types that took offense: That's what this was, a poke at some random people

It's stupid and silly. It's meant to elicit comments like this:



:shake:

oops.

Well in that case, do you think C-sections can cause you to be a big fat sissy who talks shit on the nerd cause you'll get beat in real life??

[Simplex3]

oops.

Well in that case, do you think C-sections can cause you to be a big fat sissy who talks shit on the nerd cause you'll get beat in real life??
Not sure. You going to tell us or keep us in suspense?

[Rain Man]

oops.

Well in that case, do you think C-sections can cause you to be a big fat sissy who talks shit on the nerd cause you'll get beat in real life??


It actually kind of makes sense. Even during birth, they aren't getting any.

[Logical]

This thread is funny as hell, human glowsticks brighter when activated.ROFL

As to being serious. I have met some extremely bright individual who were born C-section so I really doubt this theory.

[Phobia]

http://atlanticcoast.mennonite.net/quizzing/images/pinching_each_others_heads.jpg

[Rain Man]

This thread is funny as hell, human glowsticks brighter when activated.ROFL

As to being serious. I have met some extremely bright individual who were born C-section so I really doubt this theory.


Well, yeah, but if you were born C-Section I'm not sure we can trust your judgment on that.

[Mark M]

That’s momma’s belly button. When it pops out, baby’s ready.

That would be less funny if that didn't happen to my wife ...

ROFL ROFL ROFL

As far as the topic, the only thing I've noticed is that c-section people tend to exit buildings via the window more often.

MM
~~:spock:

[Phobia]

As far as the topic, the only thing I've noticed is that c-section people tend to exit buildings via the window more often.


BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Been done already.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=2401241&postcount=30

[Mark M]

BZZZZZZZZZZT.

Been done already.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=2401241&postcount=30

GAWDAMMIT!!

I knew I should've read the whole thread ...

MM
~~:doh!:

[asdf]

Ok, most of the people I've known in life who were born C-section have some stability issues. So here's my theory, let me know what you think:

Actually, it is someone elses theory and I've read about it in a book some time ago - "DMT - The spirit molecule" by Dr. Rick Strassman. Actually, I dont' remember if it was his theory, or someone else's he quoted in his book, but it was backed up in some of the studies covered in the book....interesting stuff.

[cdcox]

Plummer.... definitely a C-section.

[Simplex3]

Actually, it is someone elses theory and I've read about it in a book some time ago - "DMT - The spirit molecule" by Dr. Rick Strassman. Actually, I dont' remember if it was his theory, or someone else's he quoted in his book, but it was backed up in some of the studies covered in the book....interesting stuff.
I'll be damned. ROFL

http://www.rickstrassman.com/dmt/index.html
I was drawn to DMT because of its presence in all of our bodies. Perhaps excessive DMT production, coming from the mysterious pineal gland, was involved in naturally occurring "psychedelic" states. These might include birth, death and near-death, psychosis, and mystical experiences. Only later, while the study was well under way, did I also begin considering DMT's role in the "alien abduction" experience.

I first thought of it when I was watching our first kid being born and thinking to myself "it's going to be brain damaged!". I used to torment my wife with it. Who knew I was on to something?

[go bo]

People who where hatched. You can find several on this board.are you referring to the snakes or the turkeys?

[Simplex3]

are you referring to the snakes or the turkeys?
I was thinking of the dodos.

http://www.accordingtothescriptures.org/pictures/creation/dodo.jpg

[NewChief]

I'll be damned. ROFL

http://www.rickstrassman.com/dmt/index.html


I first thought of it when I was watching our first kid being born and thinking to myself "it's going to be brain damaged!". I used to torment my wife with it. Who knew I was on to something?


Dude. Obviously taking DMT will "recharge" your glowstick. You should go find some right now and take it.....I would, however, suggest doing so in the privacy of your own home. And make sure you have someone to babysit you for about 45 minutes before you head to the "hall of the mechanical elves"

[Calcountry]

interesting...
so when do babies receive their soul/spirit?I know that MacDuff was not woman born, but ripped from his mothers womb.

[mcan]

I know that MacDuff was not woman born, but ripped from his mothers womb.


you forgot the word untimely ripped...


But then again, I'm a theatre major.

[NewChief]

you forgot the word untimely ripped...


But then again, I'm a theatre major.

No kidding. It isn't in pentameter if you leave out the untimely. Aha! Chalk another useless fact up to my English degree (crossthread).

[Jenny Gump]

I was an emergency C-Section. I think I do have some stability issues. I have "intimacy" issues and tend to not think that any girl is good enough. I'm great with people, but TERRIBLE with relationships. My brain just goes on overload when I'm finally around any girl that I ACTUALLY like, and I act like a tool.

When my brother was born (since I had so many birth complications) they didn't even try natural birth. Now that he's in his twenties, he has real emotional problems. He has MAJOR issues with self-control, and acts on instinct often in terribly inappropriate ways. He came out of the closet when he first entered high school (to the family but not to his friends). Naturally, my parents didn't want to hear that and put him in counseling. So, he kept on trying to be straight for 4 years. He had one girlfriend that whole time. After four years, they were a typical couple. They had regular sex, spent TONS of time togther, knew the families, and my bro was even shopping for rings. But, one summer he decided to tell her... "I'm gay, we have to break up." She was devestated and broken. They were really in love too. He was just more attracted to men than her. Very strange (but I guess pretty common) story.


I would think that being a C-section has nothing to do with these kinds of issues, and I would expect that every family has their problems of this sort. If there is blame to be given I would expect that it has more to do with the fact that there has not been a SINGLE healthy man-woman relationship in our family or extended family for us to look up to growing up. My parents were both alcoholics and threw things at each other. My grandfather on my Mom's side died when we were very young, but I hear that he was abusive and alcoholic. My grandfather on my Dad's side I guess was an extreme drunk and (may or may not) have done some things to my aunt when she was a little girl. Of course there was a divorce there, and my grandmother's new husband is a great guy but she yells at him constantly and they sleep in seperate rooms. We also lived in a rather poor neighborhood where there were a lot of single parents and other alcoholic parents. The kids in my neighborhood were for the most part neglected.

Anyway I have some emotional issues, but overall I think I'm a pretty awesome guy and have turned into a pretty normal and functioning member of society despite a very tough childhood. Of course, I swore off alcohol when I was in grade school, and kept that promise to myself. I'm 25 now and I've never had a drink of anything because I hate the stuff and blame it for all my parents' problems, and pretty much most of the problems of the world.

Sounds like someone needs his head squeezed.

[Mr. Kotter]

Sounds like someone needs his head squeezed.

Could you please squeeze mine? :hmmm:

[Calcountry]

you forgot the word untimely ripped...


But then again, I'm a theatre major.Yeah, it has been at least 20 years since I read that, so my memory isn't too bad? :p

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. ;)

[mcan]

Sounds like someone needs his head squeezed.


Too serious for a joke thread huh... Yeah, sometimes I find it funnier to pretend that I think everything is litteral. Then I think it's doubly funny to go off and make everybody uncomfortable.

[Simplex3]

Too serious for a joke thread huh... Yeah, sometimes I find it funnier to pretend that I think everything is litteral. Then I think it's doubly funny to go off and make everybody uncomfortable.
I still want to know if you've "activated" that chick in your avatar. If so, please post pictures.

[mcan]

I still want to know if you've "activated" that chick in your avatar. If so, please post pictures.


Activated? [Sounds of alarm bells and announcer voice] Cooongratulations, you've invented a new euphamism! Let's tell him what he's won. [/Sounds of al... you know]


Actually, her and I were supposed to hang out tonight but she never called me back so I'm going to play poker instead.

[Simplex3]

Activated? [Sounds of alarm bells and announcer voice] Cooongratulations, you've invented a new euphamism! Let's tell him what he's won. [/Sounds of al... you know]


Actually, her and I were supposed to hang out tonight but she never called me back so I'm going to play poker instead.
Actually, I was just wondering if you'd bought her a hat that was too small, but what you're thinking of would make for better pictures. :hmmm:

[mcan]

Actually, I was just wondering if you'd bought her a hat that was too small, but what you're thinking of would make for better pictures. :hmmm:


Oh well yeah... Of course I did that. I that you meant sticking my pee-pee in her nani.

[Simplex3]

Heh, 1st one did nothing, guess I'm really far behind the curve. :banghead:
Damn, no wonder it didn't work:

http://www.neuvophoto.com/Wrestling/Kaos_applies_hammerlock_to_ODB._small.JPG

It seems a hammerlock is an arm thing. What you needed was this (and something tells me if you can hire HER it will work just fine :eek: ):

http://afrikanadventure.com/images/headlock001.JPG

[Rausch]

Sounds like someone needs his head squeezed.

Like you don't have a graveyard in your walk-in closet...

Sounds to me like Ninja-Nurse just can't take a drunk going all maudlin. :)

[patteeu]

Not sure. You going to tell us or keep us in suspense?

Just to make sure you didn't take that the wrong way, it was a reference to another thread.

[patteeu]

It actually kind of makes sense. Even during birth, they aren't getting any.

LOL, Good point.

[badgirl]

Ok, some of you were taking this WAAAAY to seriously (you know who you are). It was a joke. Have we really reached the point where when something this absurd is posted we actually believe it? I mean, come on, who am I, badgranny or chiefs8me?

I do not think you should be comparing me to Chiefs8me, nothing personal, our personalities are very different :p

***by the way, I wasn't C-section, but I didn't get "activated" till I was 17 :)

[Iowanian]

Sounds like someone needs his head squeezed.

I've got 1 I like to crush in the Cervix-vice as often as possible.

[Simplex3]

***by the way, I wasn't C-section, but I didn't get "activated" till I was 17 :)
.

[ROYC75]

Damn, no wonder it didn't work:

http://www.neuvophoto.com/Wrestling/Kaos_applies_hammerlock_to_ODB._small.JPG

It seems a hammerlock is an arm thing. What you needed was this (and something tells me if you can hire HER it will work just fine :eek: ):

http://afrikanadventure.com/images/headlock001.JPG

Hot damn, know wonder !

I meant headlock and said hammerlock, maybe a hammer to the head will work ?

[badgirl]

.
sure it is, but I bet if it was about boobs, you'd be fine with it. :p

[Simplex3]

sure it is, but I bet if it was about boobs, you'd be fine with it. :p
What's your point? :shrug:

[badgirl]

What's your point? :shrug:
I don't think I actually have one now that you asked. :huh:

[Mr. Kotter]

I don't think I actually have one now that you asked. :huh:

I'm confused.

So 17 was the first time you had your head squeezed (a little "experimentation" NTTAWWT).....or was it the first time YOU cracked someone's head like a cocunut with your thighs? :hmmm:

[Simplex3]

.

[Mr. Kotter]

.

It's YOUR thread...heh. :p

[Simplex3]

It's YOUR thread...heh. :p
I mis-read the thread title. Appearantly it said "badgirl's teenage sexual history".

Maybe my real problem is that this thread hijack is worthless without pictures.

[Mr. Kotter]

I mis-read the thread title. Appearantly it said "badgirl's teenage sexual history".

Maybe my real problem is that this thread hijack is worthless without pictures.

Hijacks are the norm around here.... :p

[badgirl]

I'm confused.

So 17 was the first time you had your head squeezed (a little "experimentation" NTTAWWT).....or was it the first time YOU cracked someone's head like a cocunut with your thighs? :hmmm:
well I don't think I could get my head squeezed now could I? :p

Unless of course I was a lesbian, which I am not. :shake:

[Simplex3]

Unless of course I was a lesbian, which I am not. :shake:
Damn, this thread almost got interresting again. Oh well...

[ROYC75]

Bump , just for a few good laughs.........

[listopencil]

I was born naturally but I killed a C-section guy once and ate his brain, including his pineal gland. Should I worry?

[ROYC75]

I was born naturally but I killed a C-section guy once and ate his brain, including his pineal gland. Should I worry?

Naw, just your basic training to becoming a C-section doc.

[007]

You bastard!!!! All three of my kids are C-secs. How dare you!!!!

I oughta....... oh damnit.... That's it.... you better hide you Elmo loving POS!!!!
















































j/k :p

But you are still a POS :)

[greg63]

... Ok, some of you were taking this WAAAAY to seriously (you know who you are). It was a joke. Have we really reached the point where when something this absurd is posted we actually believe it? I mean, come on, who am I, badgranny or chiefs8me?

Oh man; I thought I finally had an explanation for me. :banghead:

[007]

Oh man; I thought I finally had an explanation for me. :banghead:
you are beyond hope :shake:

[Direckshun]

I was born via C-section and I can't mate with a woman without crying.

[greg63]

you are beyond hope :shake:

I have come to realize this. :p

[BucEyedPea]

In all seriousness, I think there is something with the woman's hormones that happens through labor that aids in the woman's recovery. I've heard that when women have scheduled C-sections (without ever even going into labor) their recovery is much, much harder than women who have C-sections after laboring for a while, which is what happened with my wife. She labored for about 12 hours before the Doctor decided that our baby wasn't going to be delivered vaginally, no matter how long we went (it turned out he was face up, instead of face down, plus he has a HUGE head).

Anyway, her recovery has been great. 8 weeks, and she's dropped 30lbs. and is back to running and working out.

Her next one may be scheduled, so I'll be able to tell you if there was a difference between the two in a couple of years.

I had a scheduled C-section....never experienced a single labor pain. It was wonderful. Felt like I went to a resort for 3 days. And I was walking and getting up just fine in under a week. Dropped 25 lbs instantly that week.

[Simplex3]

But you are still a POS :)
Thank you Captain Obvious.

[crazycoffey]

Thank you Captain Obvious.




:LOL:

embrace it, man.