Umm...Ok. Onterrio Smith caught with fake penis/dried urine.

[Bootlegged]

http://www.startribune.com/stories/510/5396655.html



Last update: May 11, 2005 at 6:55 AM
Vikings: Onterrio Smith caught with kit to foil drug tests
Kevin Seifert, Star Tribune
May 11, 2005 VIKE0511



Vikings running back Onterrio Smith was detained last month at Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport after police found paraphernalia later identified as a kit used to circumvent drug tests.

Smith was neither arrested nor charged, but as of Tuesday it was unclear whether the incident will affect his status in the NFL's confidential substance-abuse program.

Smith acknowledged to airport police that he was carrying dried urine, along with a device called "The Original Whizzinator" and a bottle of pills labeled "Cleansing Formula." He told police the kit was "for making a clean urine test," according to the police report, and said he was taking the materials to his cousin.

Smith was suspended four games last season after testing positive for marijuana, his second "strike" in the league's program. A third "strike" would result in a yearlong suspension. An attempt to substitute a urine specimen qualifies as a positive test, but NFL spokesman Greg Aiello did not immediately know Tuesday whether possession of a masking device fits that criteria.

Onterrio SmithAnn HeisenfeltAssociated PressSmith could not be reached for comment. His agents -- Michael Sullivan, Doug Hendrickson and Jeff Sperbeck -- declined to comment. Vikings coach Mike Tice said he was unaware of the incident and had no comment.

According to the police report, a bag Smith was carrying set off security alarms before an April 21 flight. The alarms later were traced to a tube of toothpaste.

During the search, a Transportation Security Administration officer found "six or seven" vials of white powder in a clear bag, according to the report. Airport police were called to the scene and began inspecting the materials in a private room.

A sample from one of the vials tested negative for cocaine and opiates. Smith was then led into the room and identified the powder as dried urine. He also acknowledged the presence of a Whizzinator.

Smith was allowed to leave after questioning.

The $150 device includes a prosthetic penis attached to a jockstrap and plastic bag. Using a syringe, the user fills the bag with a precisely measured amount of water blended with the urine powder to create a clean sample. When the user takes a drug test in front of an observer, the water is released through the prosthetic with a valve (the instructions recommend the user cough to hide the sound of the valve unsnapping).

On its website, manufacturers of The Original Whizzinator market the instrument as an "undetectable,"foolproof" and "re-usable" urinating device.

Like other professional sports leagues, the NFL administers random drug tests to players.

According to Aiello, the NFL's testing guidelines include having the player take his shirt off and pull his pants down below his knees in front of an observer.

Smith, 24, was kicked off the University of Tennessee football team in 2000 for marijuana use and finished his college career at Oregon. Scouts considered him one of the top running backs available in the 2003 draft, but questions about his past drug use and character dropped him to the fourth round.

He rushed for 579 yards as a rookie and led the Vikings last season with 544 yards. Barring another suspension, Smith is expected to compete with Michael Bennett and Mewelde Moore for the starting job.

[the Talking Can]

http://www.whizzinator.com/images/The-Whole-Kit_small.jpg

some testimonials (http://www.whizzinator.com/forms/whiz11.htm)


THANK THE GOOD LORD FOR THE WHIZZINATOR!
THIS THING IS AWSOME! IT`S BY FAR THE ULTIMATE TOOL FOR LIVING IN TODAYS WARPPED SOCIETY.ITS THE BEST, AN SO EASY TO USE!!!!!!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

A HAPPY CLIENT L.G., MA


Best Thing Out There, Dont Be Fooled By Those Drinks This Works Everytime

The Eggfella, CA





I think this is disgusting!!!
NY

[milkman]

Mike Tice said he was unaware of the incident, and had no comment

I'm beginning to think Tice is really this guy on the right.

http://www.tvtome.com/images/people/25/0/67-12182-sm.jpg

[Nightfyre]

*insert great witty comment about prosthetic penis her*

[the Talking Can]

*insert great witty comment about prosthetic penis her*

Rich Scanlon









.......baziiiiiiiiiiiing!!

[milkman]

http://www.tvtome.com/images/people/25/0/67-12182-sm.jpg
http://www.startribune.com/stonline/images/news10/1vikeid21.l.gif

There is a bit of a resemblence.
Sure wish I knew how to use photoshop, or even had it for that matter.

[Archie F. Swin]

umm...so this is a black fella?

[Hammock Parties]

It looks so...real.

[Skip Towne]

Do they have an uncircumcised model? Do they come in black or just in white?

[Demonpenz]

When reporters asked johnny morton if he had ever used the product morton exclaimed "WOW IT HAS TWO USES!"

[Bwana]

Ouch! Getting caught with a fake dong would make for a very bad day. I have a buddy that works for the Feds at the airport and they find some strange things on people and in their bags.

[alpha_omega]

Whizzinator ROFL ROFL ROFL

Marketing genius!

[cookster50]

Nice

[Pants]

When reporters asked johnny morton if he had ever used the product morton exclaimed "WOW IT HAS TWO USES!"

OMFG. That's teh funny.

[shaneo69]

Quote: "According to the police report, a bag Smith was carrying set off security alarms before an April 21 flight. The alarms later were traced to a tube of toothpaste."


Note to self.............next time I try to smuggle something onto an airplane, remember not to pack toothpaste.

[Rain Man]

I have a question for everybody. If the whizzinator came in a very large size, would you occasionally just use it during trips to the restroom to impress any coworkers with good peripheral vision and begin building a legend?

[whoman69]

He told police the kit was "for making a clean urine test," according to the police report, and said he was taking the materials to his cousin.
Whatever ROFL

[Rain Man]

Smith acknowledged to airport police that he was carrying dried urine, along with a device called "The Original Whizzinator" and a bottle of pills labeled "Cleansing Formula." He told police the kit was "for making a clean urine test," according to the police report, and said he was taking the materials to his cousin.




He should've told them that Rod Smith is his cousin.

[Hammock Parties]

I have a question for everybody. If the whizzinator came in a very large size, would you occasionally just use it during trips to the restroom to impress any coworkers with good peripheral vision and begin building a legend?

ROFL

[Warrior5]

Would Rich Scanlon ever do something like this?

[Pants]

Would Rich Scanlon ever do something like this?

No, illegal substances have no effect on his body. He's immune to EVERYTHING.

[KCTitus]

I have a question for everybody. If the whizzinator came in a very large size, would you occasionally just use it during trips to the restroom to impress any coworkers with good peripheral vision and begin building a legend?

I cant see how the ability to pee a gallon at once would improve my bathroom rep, but Im intrigued.

[Hammock Parties]

I cant see how the ability to pee a gallon at once would improve my bathroom rep, but Im intrigued.

He's talking about penis SIZE.

[Bwana]

I have a question for everybody. If the whizzinator came in a very large size, would you occasionally just use it during trips to the restroom to impress any coworkers with good peripheral vision and begin building a legend?

The legend would build even faster if one were to hit the rest room and whip out the real McCoy and the wizzinater. :)

[Pants]

He's talking about penis SIZE.

So is Titus, moron.

[Hammock Parties]

So is Titus, moron.

Titus is talking about bladder size. Or "the ability to pee a gallon at once."

[Pants]

Titus is talking about bladder size. Or "the ability to pee a gallon at once."

He meant he already has a big unit. The only difference would be the amount of piss. Good game, nub.

[Hammock Parties]

He meant he already has a big unit. The only difference would be the amount of piss. Good game, nub.

NO.

[Simplex3]

NO.
Some advice: surrender.

[Pants]

Some advice: surrender.

Thank you.

[jspchief]

Congrats to Onterrio. I see a business venture with Ricky Williams and The Soulja in his future.

I'll never get used to these morons' inability to make the small sacrifices to be rich and famous.

[Fat Elvis]

He was just getting a clean sample for his cousin, Tom Sizemore....

[Rain Man]

Here's another question to ponder. If you were an NFL player and you actually had the fake penis for perverse sexual reasons, would you admit the perverse sexual reasons, or would you take the false rap of trying to beat a drug test?

[Hydrae]

Sick question to ponder, how do they usually test in the field to determine if a white substance is cocaine? Don't they taste it?

[Iowanian]

I could easily imagine that more than a couple of planet folk have gotten these after hearing from Skip or BD's testimonial.

I'd also imagine that a couple of you have them.....only with Extra Starch.

[cdcox]

This reminds me of something that happened to me in O'Hare a couple of years ago. I got selected for additional security screening. Eh, no big deal, its part of the price to have safer flights. So the guy starts going through my bag. He pulls a bag of white powder out of a side pocket of my bag and asks, "What is this?" I have no earthly idea and am more than a little concerned. "I don't know, and I don't know how it got there." All of the sudden it hit me that my wife will only use Tide Free detergent and that she always packs some "in case she needs to do laundry". It must of got left in the bag from the last trip she went on. So I blurt out "It's laundry detergent!" He chuckles, puts it back in my bag, and sends me on my way. I guess I didn't look like much of a drug smuggler to him.

[Mr. Laz]

after all the steriod meetings etc, i would expect the NFL to go after Smith with a vengeance.

he's prolly being tested today

[vailpass]

OK, Austin Danger Powers: One blue crushed-velvet suit. One frilly lace cravat. One
gold medallion with peace symbol. One pair of Italian shoes. One pair of
tie-dyed socks, purple. One vinyl recording album: Tom Jones, Live at Las
Vegas. One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.

AUSTIN
(embarrassed)
That's not mine.

CLERK
(reading)
One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, signed Austin Powers.

AUSTIN
I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine.

CLERK
(reading)
One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin
Powers.

AUSTIN
I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

CLERK
(reading)
One book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby,
by Austin Powers.

The clerk shows the book to Austin, who is humiliated.

AUSTIN
OK, OK man, don't get heavy, I'll sign. Just to get things moving, baby.

[HemiEd]

Geee Whizzzzzzzz! ROFL Did anyone else just hear Dan Patrick's take on this on ESPN radio. Some real funny stuff. ROFL

[seclark]

I have a question for everybody. If the whizzinator came in a very large size, would you occasionally just use it during trips to the restroom to impress any coworkers with good peripheral vision and begin building a legend?

i'd pull out both cacks(real and fake), and piss w/each of them at once.
talk about a legend.
sec

[Mecca]

What if he had the white one? Now that would be some humor he pulls it out to urinate the guy watching is like "um sir why is your penis white?"

Onterrio would probably answer with something like "Michael Jackson is my cousin."

[Miles]

Bob: Okay, so is this all your luggage.

David: Uh, yeah? No. Wait, I mean, this is all I have. I don't know, sh-should I have more? I mean, you, what's goin' on here? You're askin' me a lot of questions here, you know. I mean, what is this? Some sort of shampoo court? I mean, I don't know. [to the rest of the line] I don't know if you're watchin' this but everybody's seeing this guy's shampooing me. [getting worked up] I mean, you know, last time I checked it was okay to travel around Europe and get as much shampoo as you wanted! You know, *what* happened to my shampoo rights?!

Bob: It's okay, sir. It's all right.

David: Don't try to shampoo a shampooer!!

Bob: It's all right, sir. You can go.

[DenverChief]

http://www.whizzinator.com/images/The-Whole-Kit_small.jpg

some testimonials (http://www.whizzinator.com/forms/whiz11.htm)


THANK THE GOOD LORD FOR THE WHIZZINATOR!
THIS THING IS AWSOME! IT`S BY FAR THE ULTIMATE TOOL FOR LIVING IN TODAYS WARPPED SOCIETY.ITS THE BEST, AN SO EASY TO USE!!!!!!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

A HAPPY CLIENT L.G., MA


Best Thing Out There, Dont Be Fooled By Those Drinks This Works Everytime

The Eggfella, CA





I think this is disgusting!!!
NY


I was going to say this thread is worthless without pics.....

[DenverChief]

Sick question to ponder, how do they usually test in the field to determine if a white substance is cocaine? Don't they taste it?


They have field test kits...but they are not as accurate as lab tests....it will make its way to a lab eventually if it comes back positive (there are many more false positives than false negatives) for confirmation of the field test results

[DenverChief]

http://www.startribune.com/stories/510/5396655.html



According to Aiello, the NFL's testing guidelines include having the player take his shirt off and pull his pants down below his knees in front of an observer.




I need a new job

[picasso]

What gets me is isn't what's in your suitcase private? I mean is it legal for an airport officer to report to the media what he or she found in another persons luggage? I would think that there are some kind of privacy legalities that were broken here if he wasn't breaking the law in any way and a police report was not necessary.

[Rausch]

They have field test kits...but they are not as accurate as lab tests....

You'll get into that later with the DRE program...

[Boyceofsummer]

after all the steriod meetings etc, i would expect the NFL to go after Smith with a vengeance.

he's prolly being tested today

of enhancement. We still need to bust people for using POT? Now back to my BOULEVARD Pale Ale.

[Rausch]

I need a new job

I've been trying to think of a Reno 911 joke for a month and can't come up with a single good one.

Unless you wear short shorts... :)

[DenverChief]

I've been trying to think of a Reno 911 joke for a month and can't come up with a single good one.

Unless you wear short shorts... :)
ROFL nah I wear my vest on the outside of my shirt tho and wear my sunglasses inside :D

[Rausch]

ROFL nah I wear my vest on the outside of my shirt tho and wear my sunglasses inside :D

http://www.g21.net/Decgrax/CHLGodfrey.jpg

"Wait! Wait! Shake'n it over here boss!"

[Ultra Peanut]

No, illegal substances have no effect on his body. He's immune to EVERYTHING.You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!

[Mecca]

I like that the device is called "the original whizzinator" which implies that there are numerous versions and/or knock off versions. Something about a bunch of people being in this business is humerous.

If i had 163 dollars laying around I'd buy one of these just to play jokes on people. The humor that could be had with a whizzinator knows no boundaries.