Ultra Peanut
06-01-2005, 09:38 PM
http://niggaslike.us/
Scouring the planet for little-known talent is what I do best. Being ESPN’s Insider has its rewards but nothing is more rewarding than watching a supple 7-foot 17-year-old boy from Serbia making threes. Watching his muscles glisten against the dim lights of the gym, complete with one missing wall and a guard instructed to shoot the teenager upon missing more than 2 shots in a row, gets me going in the morning like nobody’s business! But why do I do it? Is it because I just genuinely enjoy the game of basketball? Or maybe I have some sort of sick and twisted fetish for 18-year-old men from Europe and Russia? Have you ever seen a creepy old guy who won’t date anyone over a certain age even though that age is a lot younger than they are? That’s sort of like me! Being above 20 years old is a big no-no in my book! Now that you know about my basketball perversions, lets get on with my mock draft that I spent upwards of almost 2 hours on!
1 – Milwaukee – Marvin Williams
The Bucks take Williams here because of his tremendous upside potential. Coaches describe him as being a “great player” with no “experience” but can “open a can like he shoots a jump shot” and won’t ever end up “dead on the floor of a loved one’s floor” like Len Bias. “Williams has a hell of an NBA body”, said one prominent NBA GM whose name I never list because he doesn’t actually exist. “He looked great when we saw him once at North Carolina. We didn’t want to watch him again because it might spoil it for us.”
2 – Atlanta – Andrew Bogut
Atlanta takes Bogut here because of his size and length. I realize that size and length are the exact same thing but I list them separately because I’m a journalist with journalistic integrity and so on. Bogut may have a really hard time scoring against 6’8 centers in college but he sure can pass the ball, can’t he? Isn’t that what you want out of your center? Who wants their center to be able to score or hang onto a rebound? Racking up assists is the way to do it! Nevermind the fact that he always gets the ball snatched out of his hands constantly by guards, that’s just part of his potential, size and length. Tremendous.
Scouring the planet for little-known talent is what I do best. Being ESPN’s Insider has its rewards but nothing is more rewarding than watching a supple 7-foot 17-year-old boy from Serbia making threes. Watching his muscles glisten against the dim lights of the gym, complete with one missing wall and a guard instructed to shoot the teenager upon missing more than 2 shots in a row, gets me going in the morning like nobody’s business! But why do I do it? Is it because I just genuinely enjoy the game of basketball? Or maybe I have some sort of sick and twisted fetish for 18-year-old men from Europe and Russia? Have you ever seen a creepy old guy who won’t date anyone over a certain age even though that age is a lot younger than they are? That’s sort of like me! Being above 20 years old is a big no-no in my book! Now that you know about my basketball perversions, lets get on with my mock draft that I spent upwards of almost 2 hours on!
1 – Milwaukee – Marvin Williams
The Bucks take Williams here because of his tremendous upside potential. Coaches describe him as being a “great player” with no “experience” but can “open a can like he shoots a jump shot” and won’t ever end up “dead on the floor of a loved one’s floor” like Len Bias. “Williams has a hell of an NBA body”, said one prominent NBA GM whose name I never list because he doesn’t actually exist. “He looked great when we saw him once at North Carolina. We didn’t want to watch him again because it might spoil it for us.”
2 – Atlanta – Andrew Bogut
Atlanta takes Bogut here because of his size and length. I realize that size and length are the exact same thing but I list them separately because I’m a journalist with journalistic integrity and so on. Bogut may have a really hard time scoring against 6’8 centers in college but he sure can pass the ball, can’t he? Isn’t that what you want out of your center? Who wants their center to be able to score or hang onto a rebound? Racking up assists is the way to do it! Nevermind the fact that he always gets the ball snatched out of his hands constantly by guards, that’s just part of his potential, size and length. Tremendous.