cadmonkey
06-16-2005, 06:57 AM
Talking About My Generation
Best inventions of the 80's
By El Presidente (elpresidente@barstoolsports.com)
I was born in 1977. And the odds are that if you’re reading the Stool you were probably born within five -ten years of me. Our extensive consumer research reveals that the average age of the typical Stoolie is anywhere between 21-35 years old. While our generation didn’t have a defining event such as Woodstock growing up that doesn’t mean we weren’t shaped by the inventions of our youth. So without further ado here are the 9 most important inventions that defined growing up in the raging 80’s.
9. Ultra Light Baseball Bats
Playing little league baseball before the advent of the Ultra Light was like driving a car on square wheels. It made that big of a difference. Essentially swinging an Ultra Light was the equivalent of swinging a wiffle ball bat but it some how had the same pop as a Green Easton. The rumor around my little league field was that the aluminum used in the Ultra Light was the same stuff that was used on space ships and I still haven’t been convinced otherwise . Regardless of what magical formula created the Ultra Light, nobody can deny its impact. If you were lucky enough to own one, your ticket was pretty much punched to popularville. Suddenly everybody who was anybody wanted to be your friend. Furthermore, Ultra Light ownership created thousands of mini-Mussolini’s. Kids ruled with an iron fist when deciding who could and couldn’t use their bat.
8. Street Hockey Goalie Pads
To be honest I’m not even sure when these things were invented, but I’m not sure how anybody played street hockey without them. It made playing goalie the most fun position on the street. But for all the joy that these goalie pads brought to so many lives, there are still 1 out of every 5 dudes who probably still have a nasty scar on their knee from when they slid on the cement without realizing their pads had moved to the side. This is when being Pete Peters stopped being fun.
7. Super Soaker
All little boys love toy guns. And the best type of toy gun is the squirt gun. Yup, there is nothing like a good old fashioned squirt gun fight. But in the late 80’s there was a radical change in the once innocent world of squirt gun fighting. It was all fun and games until the advent of the Super Soaker. The Super Soaker was to squirt guns what the automatic was to real guns. No longer was playing with squirt guns a friendly proposition. If you didn’t have a Super Soaker, you were going to get massacred to the point of borderline drowning. The only protection against the Super Soaker was the garden hose which invariably led to serious problems and fights. The Super Soaker changed the face of squirt gun fights forever, but I guess technology always makes war a bloodier endeavor.
6. Jams
I heard that Jams were making a comeback last year. There was even an article on Boston.com about it. I find this hard to believe because I thought Jams were one of those things that needed the stars to be perfectly aligned to have any chance of succeeding. And that time already came and went in the 80’s. Jams were the ugliest clothing line ever to captivate a nation. I mean everybody had Jams. The uglier the better. They were so popular that there were companies created just to make knock off Jams. When you sit back and think about your childhood, Jams are the type of thing that just makes you shake your head and smile. Oh, those crazy days and those crazy ass jams.
5. NBA 7 Foot Jammer
This was probably the most violent game I played growing up. I know what lots of you are probably thinking. How could basketball be the most violent game I played? Well NBA 7 foot Jammer was as much about manhood as it was about anything else. For my generation, it was like going off to war. Getting dunked on by a close friend was the equivalent of getting wounded in battle. It’s the type of thing that can stick with you to this day. Therefore, people did whatever they could to prevent getting posterized. And since goal tending was allowed there was basically no other way to score than to throw it down. The result was that the paint became one of the toughest places in the universe. The only thing that stopped people from actually dying is that eventually some fool would hang on rim and break the Jammer. In hindsight it’s probably a good thing.
4. Upper Deck
Baseball cards have always been an important part of a kid’s life. Young boys have been collecting cards since the dawn of time. But the advent of Upper Deck marked the beginning of a new era. No longer were people in it to collect their favorite player or get a stick of gum. Nope, Upper Deck cards were about all about the money. They were slicker, shinier and way more expensive than everything else on the market. I personally have a fond place in my heart for Upper Deck because it was my first get rich scheme. I bought 100 Juan Gonzalez Upper Deck rookie cards thinking I’d never have to work an honest day in my life. That turned out the same way Barstool Sports is turning out. Regardless, Upper Deck was the beginning of the end of the card industry. After Upper Deck launched it seemed like a new type of trading card hit the market every two weeks with each card being more decadent and expensive than the last. The result was that the card market got flooded and basically fell to pieces. It was a sad day when every single card in Becketts has a down arrow.
3. Pumps
While Jams may be the ugliest trend that ever captivated a nation, Reebok Pumps had to be the dumbest. (But I still may buy a pair if they come back on the market). Reebok Pumps were the heaviest basketball sneakers ever invented. A Mafioso could put Reebok pumps on your feet instead of cement shoes and get the same results when throwing you in the ocean. But the weight of the sneakers didn’t stop millions of people from buying these sneakers. They were so popular that Nike actually copied Reebok and came out with their own version of the pumps. The beauty of the Nike pumps were that you actually had to wear the pump around your neck to be on call for an emergency pump up at all times. One of my good buddies actually went through all of 7th grade wearing the Nike pump around his neck. It’s still the first thing I think of when I remember Middle School. Oh the memories.
2. The Mini Football
There were two variations of the mini football that were very popular. The first one was the mini hutch and the second was the Nerf Turbo. Both of them changed pick up football forever. Before the advent of the mini football it was virtually impossible to throw a pass more than 20 yards. But that all changed with the hutch because everybody was transformed into Dan Marino. You could legitimately throw the thing 50 yards with just a flick of the wrist. Suddenly cover corners were just as important in your recess draft as in the NFL Draft. And you didn’t have to worry about jamming your fingers every ten seconds. The best thing you can say about the hutch is that it is the only thing on this list that is still in regular use today. And it would still be my first choice on what ball to use today if I was playing pick up football.
1. Nintendo
How can any list of important inventions from the 80’s not have Nintendo on it? If you add up everything I did in my life from ages 11-16, Nintendo still probably logged more hours than everything else combined. This includes sleep! I actually already wrote an article a month ago about the ten best Nintendo games of all time and since effiency is at a premium at the Stool, I don’t want to waste precious paper and repeat myself. Feel free to read the article in the April 20th issue of the Stool. http://barstoolsports.com/article/10_Best_Nintendo_Games_of_All_Time/136/
So there you have it. The nine most important inventions of the 80’s. If you think we left anything of this list we’d love to hear from you. Send us email to feedback@barstoolsports.com
http://barstoolsports.com/article/Talking_About_My_Generation/224/ (http://)
Best inventions of the 80's
By El Presidente (elpresidente@barstoolsports.com)
I was born in 1977. And the odds are that if you’re reading the Stool you were probably born within five -ten years of me. Our extensive consumer research reveals that the average age of the typical Stoolie is anywhere between 21-35 years old. While our generation didn’t have a defining event such as Woodstock growing up that doesn’t mean we weren’t shaped by the inventions of our youth. So without further ado here are the 9 most important inventions that defined growing up in the raging 80’s.
9. Ultra Light Baseball Bats
Playing little league baseball before the advent of the Ultra Light was like driving a car on square wheels. It made that big of a difference. Essentially swinging an Ultra Light was the equivalent of swinging a wiffle ball bat but it some how had the same pop as a Green Easton. The rumor around my little league field was that the aluminum used in the Ultra Light was the same stuff that was used on space ships and I still haven’t been convinced otherwise . Regardless of what magical formula created the Ultra Light, nobody can deny its impact. If you were lucky enough to own one, your ticket was pretty much punched to popularville. Suddenly everybody who was anybody wanted to be your friend. Furthermore, Ultra Light ownership created thousands of mini-Mussolini’s. Kids ruled with an iron fist when deciding who could and couldn’t use their bat.
8. Street Hockey Goalie Pads
To be honest I’m not even sure when these things were invented, but I’m not sure how anybody played street hockey without them. It made playing goalie the most fun position on the street. But for all the joy that these goalie pads brought to so many lives, there are still 1 out of every 5 dudes who probably still have a nasty scar on their knee from when they slid on the cement without realizing their pads had moved to the side. This is when being Pete Peters stopped being fun.
7. Super Soaker
All little boys love toy guns. And the best type of toy gun is the squirt gun. Yup, there is nothing like a good old fashioned squirt gun fight. But in the late 80’s there was a radical change in the once innocent world of squirt gun fighting. It was all fun and games until the advent of the Super Soaker. The Super Soaker was to squirt guns what the automatic was to real guns. No longer was playing with squirt guns a friendly proposition. If you didn’t have a Super Soaker, you were going to get massacred to the point of borderline drowning. The only protection against the Super Soaker was the garden hose which invariably led to serious problems and fights. The Super Soaker changed the face of squirt gun fights forever, but I guess technology always makes war a bloodier endeavor.
6. Jams
I heard that Jams were making a comeback last year. There was even an article on Boston.com about it. I find this hard to believe because I thought Jams were one of those things that needed the stars to be perfectly aligned to have any chance of succeeding. And that time already came and went in the 80’s. Jams were the ugliest clothing line ever to captivate a nation. I mean everybody had Jams. The uglier the better. They were so popular that there were companies created just to make knock off Jams. When you sit back and think about your childhood, Jams are the type of thing that just makes you shake your head and smile. Oh, those crazy days and those crazy ass jams.
5. NBA 7 Foot Jammer
This was probably the most violent game I played growing up. I know what lots of you are probably thinking. How could basketball be the most violent game I played? Well NBA 7 foot Jammer was as much about manhood as it was about anything else. For my generation, it was like going off to war. Getting dunked on by a close friend was the equivalent of getting wounded in battle. It’s the type of thing that can stick with you to this day. Therefore, people did whatever they could to prevent getting posterized. And since goal tending was allowed there was basically no other way to score than to throw it down. The result was that the paint became one of the toughest places in the universe. The only thing that stopped people from actually dying is that eventually some fool would hang on rim and break the Jammer. In hindsight it’s probably a good thing.
4. Upper Deck
Baseball cards have always been an important part of a kid’s life. Young boys have been collecting cards since the dawn of time. But the advent of Upper Deck marked the beginning of a new era. No longer were people in it to collect their favorite player or get a stick of gum. Nope, Upper Deck cards were about all about the money. They were slicker, shinier and way more expensive than everything else on the market. I personally have a fond place in my heart for Upper Deck because it was my first get rich scheme. I bought 100 Juan Gonzalez Upper Deck rookie cards thinking I’d never have to work an honest day in my life. That turned out the same way Barstool Sports is turning out. Regardless, Upper Deck was the beginning of the end of the card industry. After Upper Deck launched it seemed like a new type of trading card hit the market every two weeks with each card being more decadent and expensive than the last. The result was that the card market got flooded and basically fell to pieces. It was a sad day when every single card in Becketts has a down arrow.
3. Pumps
While Jams may be the ugliest trend that ever captivated a nation, Reebok Pumps had to be the dumbest. (But I still may buy a pair if they come back on the market). Reebok Pumps were the heaviest basketball sneakers ever invented. A Mafioso could put Reebok pumps on your feet instead of cement shoes and get the same results when throwing you in the ocean. But the weight of the sneakers didn’t stop millions of people from buying these sneakers. They were so popular that Nike actually copied Reebok and came out with their own version of the pumps. The beauty of the Nike pumps were that you actually had to wear the pump around your neck to be on call for an emergency pump up at all times. One of my good buddies actually went through all of 7th grade wearing the Nike pump around his neck. It’s still the first thing I think of when I remember Middle School. Oh the memories.
2. The Mini Football
There were two variations of the mini football that were very popular. The first one was the mini hutch and the second was the Nerf Turbo. Both of them changed pick up football forever. Before the advent of the mini football it was virtually impossible to throw a pass more than 20 yards. But that all changed with the hutch because everybody was transformed into Dan Marino. You could legitimately throw the thing 50 yards with just a flick of the wrist. Suddenly cover corners were just as important in your recess draft as in the NFL Draft. And you didn’t have to worry about jamming your fingers every ten seconds. The best thing you can say about the hutch is that it is the only thing on this list that is still in regular use today. And it would still be my first choice on what ball to use today if I was playing pick up football.
1. Nintendo
How can any list of important inventions from the 80’s not have Nintendo on it? If you add up everything I did in my life from ages 11-16, Nintendo still probably logged more hours than everything else combined. This includes sleep! I actually already wrote an article a month ago about the ten best Nintendo games of all time and since effiency is at a premium at the Stool, I don’t want to waste precious paper and repeat myself. Feel free to read the article in the April 20th issue of the Stool. http://barstoolsports.com/article/10_Best_Nintendo_Games_of_All_Time/136/
So there you have it. The nine most important inventions of the 80’s. If you think we left anything of this list we’d love to hear from you. Send us email to feedback@barstoolsports.com
http://barstoolsports.com/article/Talking_About_My_Generation/224/ (http://)