Hypothetical: Groupies

[Rain Man]

In this hypothetical situation, you're a #1 pick in the NFL draft, and suddenly you're worth tens of millions of dollars and your face is well-known across the land. You're 22 years old, and have the normal 22-year-old urges.

Despite being as ugly as Eli Manning, every day at the laundromat, the 7/11, the nudie bar, and the benefit dinner for disabled athletes who hope for an Espy, you encounter ten or more spectacular young women who are more than willing to "date" you, with varying definitions of the word "date."

Having attended the NFL rookie symposium, you know that some of these women want to marry you, some want to brag to their friends that you were (ahem) their "boyfriend", some want to have your baby and a $100,000 annuity for child support, and some want to get some fluid samples for a rape charge.

Think back (or forward) about what you were like at the age of 22. Realistically, what would you end up doing in this situation? Poll forthcoming.

[Simplex3]

...and the benefit dinner for disabled athletes who hope for an Espy...
ROFL Something tells me this is going to haunt me for a while...

[keg in kc]

I'd probably live alone and never go anywhere, hoarding my money like Ebenezer Scrooge.

[Bootlegged]

In this hypothetical situation, you're a #1 pick in the NFL draft, and suddenly you're worth tens of millions of dollars and your face is well-known across the land. You're 22 years old, and have the normal 22-year-old urges.

Despite being as ugly as Eli Manning, every day at the laundromat, the 7/11, the nudie bar, and the benefit dinner for disabled athletes who hope for an Espy, you encounter ten or more spectacular young women who are more than willing to "date" you, with varying definitions of the word "date."

Having attended the NFL rookie symposium, you know that some of these women want to marry you, some want to brag to their friends that you were (ahem) their "boyfriend", some want to have your baby and a $100,000 annuity for child support, and some want to get some fluid samples for a rape charge.

Think back (or forward) about what you were like at the age of 22. Realistically, what would you end up doing in this situation? Poll forthcoming.

I told them my name was Brock Mexico and banged them.

[Katipan]

if i was a guy, i'd snip the boys, double wrap the tool, plug every chick I could, until I got bored. I'd also make every chick read one of those we aren't libel statements you have to read when you do something stupid like bungee jump or sky dive, on camera. I suppose I should make sure they showed 2 forms of age verifing I.D. and were at least 8's.

[KChiefsQT]

I would find the hottest *bitch* in America and make her mine. IF I WAS A GUY!!!

[shakesthecat]

I'd have put Chamberlain, Gene Simmons, and Shawn Kemp to shame.

Or died trying.

[Simplex3]

Damn, two chick posts in a row. I'm going to have to go spend some "quiet time" if Jenny or Red show up anytime soon...

[Simplex3]

After careful consideration I had to go with the following option:

I'd resist. I'd only date women who came with a recommendation from someone I trust.

First, that's the kind of guy I am and was. Second, it would be a crying shame to make all that money and then die young because you picked up the HIV from some nameless bimbo. Third, false rape reports are all to common, especially against men with money. Forth, paternity suits suck.

[chagrin]

Wilt is my middle name

[PunkinDrublic]

Well you gotta figure these guys were already getting the same treatment in college and banging the hottest chicks in their University so the step up in the pros wouldn't be that much of a stretch. It's not like a lot of rock stars who were geeks their whole lives and all of a sudden became famous and try to bang every hot chick they see. But it depends on the person. I would keep a few tens in the rotation with a coked out stripper to mix the pallet.

[Hammock Parties]

I'd probably have a faithful girlfriend from college, being the stud worthy of a high pick that I was.

[Simplex3]

I'd probably have a faithful girlfriend from college, being the stud worthy of a high pick that I was.
bzzzzzt. The last option was put in explicitly for you.

I don't know. I have no experience with women being attracted to me.

[Thig Lyfe]

I'd probably have a faithful girlfriend from college, being the stud worthy of a high pick that I was.

This question does not apply to inflatable women.

[Hammock Parties]

bzzzzzt. The last option was put in explicitly for you.

I don't know. I have no experience with women being attracted to me.

Nah. Anyone worthy of the #1 pick would be scoring all kinds of poon in college.

[PunkinDrublic]

Nah. Anyone worthy of the #1 pick would be scoring all kinds of poon in college.

Even if you were the number #1 pick you'd still be relegated to your stormtrooper inflatable boyfriend :p

[Simplex3]

Nah. Anyone worthy of the #1 pick would be scoring all kinds of poon in college.
Man, poonfactory.com and poonhut.com are both still available...if I was ever tempted to start a porn site now would be the time.

[cdcox]

I was married before I turned 22.

I don't like people sucking up to me for transparent reasons. So I'd send the gold diggers packing and settle in on a long term girlfriend/prospective mate pretty quickly.

[Hammock Parties]

Even if you were the number #1 pick you'd still be relegated to your stormtrooper inflatable boyfriend :p

No, I wouldn't. Chicks would be throwing themselves at me.

[Simplex3]

No, I wouldn't. Chicks would be throwing themselves at me.
Fantasyland, population: 1.

[Hammock Parties]

Fantasyland, population: 1.

Use your head. If I was worth millions of dollars I could get most any chick. ANY OF US could.

[Simplex3]

Use your head. If I was worth millions of dollars I could get most any chick. ANY OF US could.
Of all the guys I've known the one that got the most worked mowing freaking lawns. At one point he was banging two sisters (not simultaneously) who both knew about eachother AND their mom, who didn't know. It's not money that gets you laid.

[Hammock Parties]

Of all the guys I've known the one that got the most worked mowing freaking lawns. At one point he was banging two sisters (not simultaneously) who both knew about eachother AND their mom, who didn't know. It's not money that gets you laid.

Yes, but every #1 pick in the history of the NFL was a poon magnet.

[Simplex3]

2004 - Eli Manning
2003 - Carson Palmer
2002 - David Carr
2001 - Ron Mexico
2000 - Courtney Brown
Tim Couch
Peyton Manning
Orlando Pace
Meeshawn Johnson
Ki-Jana Carter
Dan Wilkinson
Drew Bledsoe
Steve Emtman
Russell Maryland
Jeff George
Troy Aikman
Aundray Bruce
Vinny Testaverde
Tony Casillas
Bruce Smith
Irving Fryar (a Cornhumper, who knew they had WRs there?)
Joanne Elway
Ken Sims


You're telling me 300lb DTs and OLs are poon magnets. That's the story you're trying to get me to buy.

[Hammock Parties]

2004 - Eli Manning
2003 - Carson Palmer
2002 - David Carr
2001 - Ron Mexico
2000 - Courtney Brown
Tim Couch
Peyton Manning
Orlando Pace
Meeshawn Johnson
Ki-Jana Carter
Dan Wilkinson
Drew Bledsoe
Steve Emtman
Russell Maryland
Jeff George
Troy Aikman
Aundray Bruce
Vinny Testaverde
Tony Casillas
Bruce Smith
Irving Fryar (a Cornhumper, who knew they had WRs there?)
Joanne Elway
Ken Sims


You're telling me 300lb DTs and OLs are poon magnets. That's the story you're trying to get me to buy.

I guarantee you everyone on that list has had more pussy than anyone on this board. I don't care if they're 300 lbs. Have you seen the wives some of these guys sport?

[Rain Man]

You're telling me 300lb DTs and OLs are poon magnets. That's the story you're trying to get me to buy.


Truthfully, I've got to agree with gochiefs on this one. I'll bet that Steve Emtmann and Kenneth Sims had 10 opportunities a day on average until they got cut.

[keg in kc]

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac for some ladies. Hell, I guess it's not just women; I'd probably sleep with a 300-pound orca whale hag of a chick once if I thought it could net me a cool million. Although I'd probably puke for the rest of my life after.

[ZepSinger]

I used to be in the rare position of actually having groupies. At the time, it was the coolest thing; you start to get used to it, to expect it. I got spoiled REAL fast, and then any woman less than a '9' or so was rejected. The ego gets pretty huge. We used to marvel at the lengths they'd go to to 'be' with a certain band member; we used to laugh at the sheer stupidity of some of them. Some of the crazy stuff they'd do... wow. But man, to have some hot woman come up and aggressively make the moves just because you're on a stage... it's better than you could imagine.

Don't know about sports groupies, but I know this about band groupies- the singer gets the most tail, then the lead guitarist, then all the rest of the band(said the lead guitarist).

I'm sure headsnap and Lzen can back me up on this.

Z

[jiveturkey]

This reminds me of the joke about the bull and his son. The two bulls are on the top of a hill looking down on a heard of cows and the son says "hey dad, (these are talking bulls) let's run down there and f@ck one of those cows" and the dad say "no son, let's walk down and f@ck them all".

I would walk down and f@ck them all. :)

[el borracho]

My M.O. seems to be making out with many but only having sex with a few (my choice). I imagine the same would be true with more opportunity.

[eazyb81]

I'd have put Chamberlain, Gene Simmons, and Shawn Kemp to shame.

Or died trying.

:clap:

What would be the point of being a huge celebrity if you couldn't bang new girls every single day?

[Rain Man]

In answering my own question, I'd like to think that I'd be smart enough to resist and only go with personal referrals.

However, at the age of 22, I was incredibly stupid about things like this. I have a feeling that I would live like a very stupid and horny king until the first lawsuit/arrest wised me up. Then I would resist.

[mcan]

I'd partake, but I'd be extremely picky. Only the best looking girls with the best personalities would even get a shot. I don't sit at home at night wishing that I could bang 1000 women. I sit at home and wish I could bang the single best woman that ever existed. Looks, personality, taste, humor, intelligence, artistic ability, talent, a knack for good conversation, athletic, and cares honestly about her friends and family.

That girl gets through.

[Skip Towne]

I would find the hottest *bitch* in America and make her mine. IF I WAS A GUY!!!
What if she acted like Chiefs4me?

[Rain Man]

Looks, personality, taste, humor, intelligence, artistic ability, talent, a knack for good conversation, athletic, and cares honestly about her friends and family.

That girl gets through.

So you selected the "remain a virgin" option then?

[Simplex3]

So you selected the "remain a virgin" option then?
Exactly. I'd say it's a pretty good bet either mcan's standards are low in each area or he hasn't dated much.

[KCChiefsMan]

I would have a real hard time resisting temptation.

[Hammock Parties]

I would have a real hard time resisting temptation.

Just think. If you had all that money, the women wouldn't have control over sex anymore. You wouldn't need to build your robot.

[freebeer]

Even if you were the number #1 pick you'd still be relegated to your stormtrooper inflatable boyfriend :p

Well if it wasnt for the sex aspect, the hairy asses, and my snoring that can wake the dead......I would just turn gay. Drinking beer, playing X-Box, and scratching all day with the fellas.
Hey Punkindrublic, why dont you put my left testicle in your mouth and hum a verse of jingle bells.....then you can freestyle after that.

[freebeer]

Well you gotta figure these guys were already getting the same treatment in college and banging the hottest chicks in their University so the step up in the pros wouldn't be that much of a stretch. It's not like a lot of rock stars who were geeks their whole lives and all of a sudden became famous and try to bang every hot chick they see. But it depends on the person. I would keep a few tens in the rotation with a coked out stripper to mix the pallet.


When I was back in school, I was a 5'10 power forward with mad game, and able to take my little brother to the rack at will. And I still couldnt find a chick who would let me stick my toung up their ass.

[Hydrae]

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac for some ladies. Hell, I guess it's not just women; I'd probably sleep with a 300-pound orca whale hag of a chick once if I thought it could net me a cool million. Although I'd probably puke for the rest of my life after.


A gold puke bucket.

[stumppy]

In answering my own question, I'd like to think that I'd be smart enough to resist and only go with personal referrals.

However, at the age of 22, I was incredibly stupid about things like this. I have a feeling that I would live like a very stupid and horny king until the first lawsuit/arrest wised me up. Then I would resist.


What the Rain Man said.

[Mosbonian]

Wilt is my middle name

Could you have teed this one up any higher?

mmaddog
*******

[Phobia]

I answered the second option, but I know better.

I was quite a chick magnet back in the day, but married really young. I'd imagine the media's coverage of AIDS had something to do with my hastiness. I wanted to get a young one before she got the sick.

[Logical]

Where are the following options?

I would screw like a rabbit indiscriminately but only with signed consent forms that allow the sessions to be videotaped and after I had had the vasectomy.


I would indiscriminately screw high class call girls who would rate a minimum of 9 on the hot meter. Hey it is cheaper than a paternity suit or Kobe trial.

[DJay23]

I wouldn't skank it up, but I also wouldn't pass up the choicest ass either.

[Mosbonian]

Wilt is my middle name

Doesn't anyone but me see the jokes that you could toss out on this one?

mmaddog
*******

[Rain Man]

Doesn't anyone but me see the jokes that you could toss out on this one?

mmaddog
*******

The difficulty factor is too low. I have to save my humor for jokes that involve a double jackknife backward somersault if I want to get a good score from the Bulgarians.

[Mosbonian]

The difficulty factor is too low. I have to save my humor for jokes that involve a double jackknife backward somersault if I want to get a good score from the Bulgarians.

The problem is you still have bias of the French and Russian judges to overcome, so it may be a bad move on your part.

Besides, I am doing the Triple Lindy for my last dive, If I execute it perfectly, you have no shot.

mmaddog
*******

[mcan]

Exactly. I'd say it's a pretty good bet either mcan's standards are low in each area or he hasn't dated much.


Survey SAYS!

[angel]

Survey SAYS!
that would be pretty cool.. except your 5 looks like it has down syndrome

[mcan]

that would be pretty cool.. except your 5 looks like it has down syndrome


Down's Syndrome hun... It's possessive...

[Pants]

Down's Syndrome hun... It's possessive...

lol

[angel]

Down's Syndrome hun... It's possessive...
http://www.google.com/search?q=downs+syndrome&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&start=20&sa=N

[mcan]

lol


NO DUDE... Laugh at my ROCKIN COOL PICTURE...

It seriously took me like an hour... I think I'm becoming a psychopath... :drool:

[mcan]

that would be pretty cool.. except your 5 looks like it has down syndrome


Fixed it!!!! I'm happy....

[angel]

Fixed it!!!! I'm happy....
the 4 is kinda screwy, too

[mcan]

bump

[ChiefFripp]

I'd be picky as hell, they would have to have great looks AND a serviceable personality. To me that would be the TRUE benefit of being wealthy, famous and a few years younger. Quality over quantity.