Hypothetical: You're the coach of a Little League team.

[Rain Man]

You're the Coach of a team of 10-year olds that are sponsored by the local topless bar, Fleshy's. Your team, the Bouncers, is in the championship game, due in no small measure to the performance of your star player, Winky Vanderbeen. Winky has been hitting .800 with a slugging percentage of 2.400. On the mound, he's been practically unhittable, with an ERA of 0.27. Even better, he's a nice kid. Other coaches have been offering you their wives and teenage twin daughters to trade Winky, but you won't do it.

The rest of your team is a mix of weak to solid players, most of whom try hard. Overall, you like the team and they're good sports.

Your weakest player is a kid named Stone Savage. Stone is a sensitive kid who likes to read Whitman when he's in the outfield. He's playing Little League to please his father, and he puts forth a good, solid effort. He knows the rules and he doesn't mind playing baseball and he's relatively popular with the other kids, but plain and simple, he stinks at baseball. His batting average for the year is .145, thanks to a few fluke singles, and he's reached base a few times on errors or walks. Nonetheless, your policy is to let every kid play, so he has received a reasonable share of playing time.

Anyway, we're back to the championship game. It's the bottom of the ninth, two outs, you're down 4-3, and you have a kid on second. (It's Lester Periwinkle, an average outfielder and occasional backup third baseman, though you don't like to use him there.) The other team has a moderately strong pitcher on the mound, but their ace bowed out in the sixth because of an orthodontist appointment.

You're feeling pretty good about this position, because Winky has not shown up for some reason, which is quite unlike him.

Stone is due up to bat. He's been on the bench the entire game, and hasn't had the opportunity to play.

Before Stone can get up to the plate, a car comes screeching into the parking lot, and Winky flies out of it. He had been playing in a basketball championship game that had gone into triple overtime, and he had to stay in to take (and make) the winning shot. Winky comes running to the dugout, utilizing what will eventually be 4.4. speed. He's now available to be a pinch hitter.

Do you let Winky bat, or do you let Stone bat? Please defend your position.

[keg in kc]

I would never coach a bunch of little bastards.

[Rain Man]

I would never coach a bunch of little bastards.

Be honest. The parents were concerned that your ugliness would frighten the children.

[keg in kc]

Oh, puh-leez. Like I would give a crap about what the parents thought, or that my hideous deformation scares their whiny little bastards. I just don't like kids. Or doing anything for anybody. Bah. And humbug.

[Rudy tossed tigger's salad]

It's a trick question, the game should have ended after the sixth inning...right?

[Deberg_1990]

What would Buttermaker do??

[Rain Man]

You're telling me that you don't care what Lester Periwinkle's mom thinks, keg? The widowed blonde who dances at Fleshy's and has the gravity-defying breasts, and only works there because she enjoys self-expression?

[keg in kc]

She's blonde and has fake hoo-hoos? How much worse can it get?!

[Rain Man]

It's a trick question, the game should have ended after the sixth inning...right?


Your local league went to a nine-inning format after a series of lawsuits by the parents of middle relievers in the teeball league.

[Rain Man]

She's blonde and has fake hoo-hoos? How much worse can it get?!

Oh, they're real...and they're spectacular.

[keg in kc]

Oh, they're real...and they're spectacular.So not only is she blonde and has fake hoo-hoos, but she's a liar, too? Like I'm supposed to believe they're real.

[Skip Towne]

She's blonde and has fake hoo-hoos? How much worse can it get?!
Whoa, I got here late, what about hoo hoos?

[Skip Towne]

Oh, they're real...and they're spectacular.
Nice Seinfeld reference.

[Rain Man]

So not only is she blonde and has fake hoo-hoos, but she's a liar, too? Like I'm supposed to believe they're real.

Ask Endelt. He practically lives at Fleshy's.

But if you don't like her, I don't know how you can resist your shortstop's aunt. She brings him to all of the practices, and she's a 19-year-old aspiring writer who enjoys surfing porn sites, is attracted to overweight men with low self-esteem, and is a willowy brunette. She hopes to someday participate in a threesome with another woman as the third.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

:hmmm: ......................................


















Do they sell beer at the ballfield?

[Rain Man]

Whoa, I got here late, what about hoo hoos?

We're talking about Lester's mom. She's a babe.

[keg in kc]

Ask Endelt. He practically lives at Fleshy's.

But if you don't like her, I don't know how you can resist your shortstop's aunt. She brings him to all of the practices, and she's a 19-year-old aspiring writer who enjoys surfing porn sites, is attracted to overweight men with low self-esteem, and is a willowy brunette. She hopes to someday participate in a threesome with another woman as the third.Too bad she's not a couple years older. And asian. With a british accent.

And who has low self-esteem. I'm just brutally honest about my many shortcomings.

And I don't approve of filthy pornography. :harumph:

[Rain Man]

Do they sell beer at the ballfield?


Arnie Johannigmeier and his wife Beryl run the concession stand. Arnie served in the Korean War and then went into insurance sales for forty years before retiring in the mid-nineties. He lost a lot of money in the tech bubble, but still has his army pension. Beryl was a receptionist at Buford Pusser Elementary School after her own kids (Jimmy and Isadora) left home, and only recently retired.

Arnie's very much into beer, and often has tastings at his house. You've been invited a few times, but you're not really in his social circle, and anyway, the inside of the house smells a little like dog urine to you, so you're just as glad not to go.

In keeping with his hobby, Arnie and Beryl's concession stand features over 340 beers from around the world.

[Phobia]

I play to win. Period.

[Rain Man]

Too bad she's not a couple years older. And asian. With a british accent.

And who has low self-esteem. I'm just brutally honest about my many shortcomings.

And I don't approve of filthy pornography. :harumph:


You're thinking about Jin Lo Park, the mother of your second baseman Li Jing Park. She's married, though.

[keg in kc]

I play to win. Period.You sound like a kotex commercial.

[keg in kc]

You're thinking about Jin Lo Park, the mother of your second baseman Li Jing Park. She's married, though.Oh, that would never work. She sounds Korean. I've had bad experiences with Koreans.

[Rain Man]

Oh, that would never work. She sounds Korean. I've had bad experiences with Koreans.

She is of Korean heritage, but she was adopted by the Weaver family when she was three, and is thus quite Americanized. She stopped going by her American name of Amy when she was 19 and joined the Hangul Club during her third semester of studying English at Miami University (Ohio).

[keg in kc]

She is of Korean heritage, but she was adopted by the Weaver family when she was three, and is thus quite Americanized. She stopped going by her American name of Amy when she was 19 and joined the Hangul Club during her third semester of studying English at Miami University (Ohio).Have you been reading my autobiography? Because that's almost a word-for-word description of the particular Korean girl I suffered through.

(seriously)

[Rain Man]

Have you been reading my autobiography? Because that's almost a word-for-word description of the particular Korean girl I suffered through.

(seriously)


I do my research before I create a hypothetical poll. I don't just make this stuff up.


(Seriously, that's weird.)

[StcChief]

Winky for the win.

This is prep for real life sports early.

[keg in kc]

(Seriously, that's weird.)Seriously weird. She was a Korean adopted by an american family, had an american surname, korean name. She was one of the few people I've met in my life who I thought might be as smart as me. She was a hard worker, though, so she blew my lazy ass away as a student. Always have wondered what I'd be capable of if I wasn't such a worthless slob with no ambition or work ethic.

[BigRedChief]

You're the Coach of a team of 10-year olds that are sponsored by the local topless bar, Fleshy's. Your team, the Bouncers, is in the championship game, due in no small measure to the performance of your star player, Winky Vanderbeen. Winky has been hitting .800 with a slugging percentage of 2.400. On the mound, he's been practically unhittable, with an ERA of 0.27. Even better, he's a nice kid. Other coaches have been offering you their wives and teenage twin daughters to trade Winky, but you won't do it.

The rest of your team is a mix of weak to solid players, most of whom try hard. Overall, you like the team and they're good sports.

Your weakest player is a kid named Stone Savage. Stone is a sensitive kid who likes to read Whitman when he's in the outfield. He's playing Little League to please his father, and he puts forth a good, solid effort. He knows the rules and he doesn't mind playing baseball and he's relatively popular with the other kids, but plain and simple, he stinks at baseball. His batting average for the year is .145, thanks to a few fluke singles, and he's reached base a few times on errors or walks. Nonetheless, your policy is to let every kid play, so he has received a reasonable share of playing time.

Anyway, we're back to the championship game. It's the bottom of the ninth, two outs, you're down 4-3, and you have a kid on second. (It's Lester Periwinkle, an average outfielder and occasional backup third baseman, though you don't like to use him there.) The other team has a moderately strong pitcher on the mound, but their ace bowed out in the sixth because of an orthodontist appointment.

You're feeling pretty good about this position, because Winky has not shown up for some reason, which is quite unlike him.

Stone is due up to bat. He's been on the bench the entire game, and hasn't had the opportunity to play.

Before Stone can get up to the plate, a car comes screeching into the parking lot, and Winky flies out of it. He had been playing in a basketball championship game that had gone into triple overtime, and he had to stay in to take (and make) the winning shot. Winky comes running to the dugout, utilizing what will eventually be 4.4. speed. He's now available to be a pinch hitter.

Do you let Winky bat, or do you let Stone bat? Please defend your position.

As some of you know I'm a coach of a little league baseball team, a competitive baseball team. We stress sportmanship, team and fun. I use a fun and positive approach to motivating the players. I see the dad's and coaches that are so over the top in the competitive zeal that their sons burn out and quit baseball.

No chance in hell that Winky bats. You don't come to practice or miss games you sit on the bench, regarless of talent. I'll make that same decision every time. I'm trying to teach these kids more than how to hit a baseball. Never get to far from the facts..........It's a kids game played in the dirt and grass for fun. We do it differently but I have a hard time recruiting the best players because they or their dads feel they have to be super competitive to play high school or college ball. It's so sad.:shake: